The best addiction ever, ever!

I'm addicted to my 'baby' boy! I can watch him all day long! I guess that's why I'm a SAHM. ;) funny thing is, I don't feel like he's a baby ever since he can sit on his own. He looks so big & independent! Alhamdulillah.

Anyways, he's slowly trying to crawl. Getting there eventually, Insha'Allah. Everytime he hears my parents' voice he'll look at the door and wanting to crawl. I can imagine the madness once he can crawl from one room to the other. But I definitely can't wait for that to happen. He's just so precious :)

He's such a good boy it's unreal! I'm trying to get him to sit next to me everytime I pray because my parents are going back to Malaysia for 6 weeks. So it'll be easier for me to 'monitor' him. And guess what, he's in the same seating position from when I start till finish praying. Brilliant! So far no climbing and wanting horsey kinda thing. Hehehe

Anyhoots, just a short update before I start with my longer posts. Hehehe don't wanna tire you all ;)

PS: Khairaldin, you're a gem :)
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Islam is a religion FOR planning!

Al-Qamar (Sura 54:49)- We have created everything according to a LAW!

Before I start this entry, I would like y'all to read it with an open mind and decide for yourselves (in light of the evidences). As you know, guidance comes from Allah and not anyone else. So, it's best we ask HIM to guide us to the straight path, Ameen!!

Personally, I've always wanted to know the best way to 'plan' for babies. I remember when I was in school, we were being taught that contraception is Haraam. Reason being, it's like we are trying to 'play' god. So I was thinking, if all Muslims don't plan, won't they end up with one too many babies? Hmmm. Since Khairaldin was born until recently, we were playing it safe as I'm not ready to have another one but at the same time, we didn't take any type of contraception thinking that it was Haraam. It came to a point where I was 'scared' I might get pregnant, because I am not ready (if you've been following my blog you would notice this! Hehehe).

One day, I followed Iskandar to his Uni library. As he was browsing for his books I thought I might as well grab some books to fill my too much spare time. Hehehe Then, this book caught my eye 'Family planning in the legacy of Islam'. I read the sypnosis and thought, MUST read further! So I asked him to borrow the book for me. Guess what, I managed to finish it within a few hours. :) Only because I was too determined. I didn't manage to blog about it earlier as I was scared I might deliver it differently to the book. Thus, when you read this, it is mostly my understanding on what I've read. If any of you are clueless or need more info, don't hesitate to ask. I can always check back with the book. Insha'Allah.

Basically the book starts with saying, 'the Qur'an reveals no text prohibiting the prevention of pregnancy'. During Prophet's (S.A.W) time, there are several traditions that indicates its permissibility. One of it was called al-azl (coitus interruptus) where the husband ejaculates outside the wife's vagina. Different Mazhabs have different views about contraception, however, Prophet (S.A.W) knew that his sahaba was practising al-azl but never prohibited it. Therefore, contraception is lawful as stated above.

The use of contraceptive methods have to be of a mutual agreement between husband & wife. There are a few acceptable reasons for preventing pregnancy:

1) Preservation of the wife's beauty & fitness, protecting her from the dangers of labour
2) Need to avoid economic embarrassment (not able to support the family)
3) To allow breast feeding time for at least 2 years old (danger of changed milk from a pregnant mother)

The question became rather 'heated' because of modern contraceptive methods (male/female condoms, pills, calendar method etc etc). Some say that taking pills are like killing the babies or even IUD makes you STOP conceiving. This has been noted that as long as it's for temporary period of time, then it is permitted. There has been cases that people with IUD could still get conceive. Hence, it is not a permanent impairment to fertility. However, permanent impairment of fertility is a definite no-NO, for instance sterilisation! The reason temporary methods are allowed is because we still rely on Allah (tawakkal) to take control of what happens next. In the end of the day, if Allah wills to create a soul, NO ONE can stop Him. The other reason is also because the semen in itself is not yet a human being, therefore there is no harming or killing happens in that stage. It only prevents the semen from mingling with the ovum. ;)

Islam is not only a religion. It is also a social system, a culture and civilisation. So, it has it values, ideals and goals. It is a religion of ease, not hardship, moderation, planning and of course a religion for ALL times. No matter how the world is changing, Islam can always accommodate to it.
As we know parents have their rights in parenting skills. However, children also have their rights and this is even before they were born. The ten paramount rights of children in Islam:

1) The right of genetic purity (they have the right to born with no actual or potential genetic disorders. If parents happen to know that they have genetic disorder, this is the ONLY reason they can opt to get a sterilisation in order to not have any children)
2) The right to life (Islam prohibits killing a child for ANY reason at all!)
3) The right to legitimacy & good name (Self explanatory, yeah?)
4) The right to breast feeding, shelter, maintenance & health care
5) The right to separate sleeping arrangements for children (Authenticated by Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, instruct your children in prayer at age SEVEN, punish them if they fail to practice at age TEN, and let them sleep separately from one another)
6) The right to future security (Sahih Al-Bukhari: To leave your heirs rich is better than leaving them dependent upon people's charity)
7) The right to religious training and good upbringing (parents are RESPONSIBLE for instilling their children religious beliefs of Islam.)
8) The right to education and training in sports and self defence.
9) The right to equitable treatment regardless of gender.
10) The right that their supports comes only from legitimate sources.

So, if we can't fulfil the children's right by all means we can practise family planning. However like I mentioned, if Allah wants a child to be conceived, it will. Even contraception pills are said to be 99.9% accurate, apparently. Even Mary managed to have Isa without any sexual intercourse. Take or do what you want but in the end, it all comes down to our creator. If he wants to give us more, there's just no stop to it. For every child, there's always rezeki to it. Insha'Allah.

Hopefully, you guys have managed to grasp some ideas about family planning in Islam as much as I have. Sorry for whatever mistakes being said in this entry as I've tried my best to make it as easy to understand :)

***Insha'Allah I will blog further on children's right (Number 5 to be precise). It made me think for a moment and I now don't look down upon people who have 2-3 children even if they are planning. Because in Islam, sleeping pattern in children is a right on its own. Will continue soon, Insha'Allah.

Contraceptive pills picture was googled, not mine. :D
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Sleep

I love taking picture of Khairaldin when he's asleep. He looks so angelic and ahhhh, just make me wanna hug him real tight!

He's now officially slept on his own bed. But I definitely miss having him in between us. :( He's bed is just next to mine but it's just not the same. When he's sleeping next to me, he loves to come realllllll close. I love it! So I make it a must that he sleeps with us on the bed during his morning/afternoon nap.

My boy has grown so much! He's taking most of the space on our bed that's why we don't let him sleep in between us at night. Or else, we'll wake up with sore back and neck. But the few hours we get is more than enough to overcome our 'missing' him period :)

Enjoy the pics!

Ps: will update about the contraception 'story' soon. Just need to get my facts right :)
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Family planning...

Will be occupied this weekend with some SERIOUS reading. I've always wanted to know the Islamic way on family planning and child rearing. So, Iskandar borrowed this book from his library and I'm determined to finish and blog about it. I will definitely share because this book actually answers most questions any Muslim ladies have about birth control.

One of the famous question:
'Is birth control a form of killing ie, does it come under the meaning of the verse 'Do not kill your children in fear of want'?

To be continued........ Insha'Allah I'll be back by Monday :)

Enjoy your weekend and I heard it is a long weekend in Malaysia right? So put your feet up and just chill!
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Mind over matter

Alright, is it just me or is it weird when people contemplate on whether to breastfeed or formula feed their baby? I have never thought that a mother could actually think about feeding formula milk to their baby even before the baby is born.

When I went for my antenatal class before, we had to make a timetable of our life after baby was 3 days old. So obviously, Iskandar and I put in lots and lots of feeding time in our timetable, because we thought that was rather the norm. However, there was a couple who ended up with a timetable which included 'washing bottles'. The midwife then asked, "why do you need to wash bottles at 3 days old?" The couple answered, "My SIL ended up with no milk when she gave birth so she had to formula feed." Right, the midwife just agreed and moved on.

It kinda made me think for a moment as well. Oh gosh, what if we are one of those people with 'no milk'? Are we just gonna let the baby suffer since we're not stocking up on formula milk. Iskandar being Iskandar, he is just too positive minded! Sometimes it scares me (and I'll be saying this again and again) :D Anyways, he then questioned me, would Allah give us a child to care for and yet not provide 'food' along with it? Hmmmm I thought, that made sense but you know the 'what ifs' just happen since I'm a first time Mommy. We still did not stock up on any formula milk, even until today.

Speaking thru experience, I think in order to achieve the goal to fully breastfeed your child begins even before the baby is born. If you think that you can't do it, then obviously it's impossible. Yes, it's always mind over matter (Psychology, much?). After all, there are a few hormones that needs to be 'released' when breastfeeding. So obviously, the breast will tell the brain to release so and so hormones and of course this can also be done if we keep telling the mind that we NEED to breastfeed. In this case, there shouldn't be a question of whether one should breastfeed or formula feed. Doubting yourself is the key to all failures! At least that's what I think :) Even without research we could tell that anything given 'directly' to us from god would be the best for us or in this case, our child.

When Khairaldin was approximately 4months old, I was suffering from what I would say a bad case of Mastitis (nipple infection). My doctor first did not prescribed any type of medication. She said to continue BFing and if it gets sore just express some milk and rub it on the nipple. Of course that worked for a while until I started reading on a few websites that there are creams for this infection. My infection became worse, I can assure you the only reason it got worse was because I stopped believing that without creams it could still cure the infection.

Long story short, I didn't dare to feed Khairaldin on my sore nipples and ended up only feeding him on one side. Since there is also a need of supply + demand in breastfeeding, my left breast milk started to decrease. I keep telling myself, there's no milk because I haven't been feeding him on the left side. Try telling yourself that every day and night, I'm sure your milk will get bored of it and gets the point that you're not even going to try. Hehehe So yeah, I am now only feeding him on my right side. Sometimes, I do try to give him the left side but because he's an 'active' drinker, he can never tolerate my very slow letdowns. We both then gave up and just continued on the 'best' breast. Alhamdulillah though, he is still loving every drop of milk he gets from me. Even with one side feeds, I think it's still sufficient enough for his growth. Well at least I can tell from his weight that he's not under nourished.

So Mommies & Mommies to be, here's all you need to prepare yourself for a healthy breastfeed session with your li'l bundle. At least for the first 6 months:
1) Your very own positive mind
2) Very positive minded Husband
3) Very supportive Husband
4) Your baby, to suckle on you day in and day out :)
5) Smile on your face when baby end up falling asleep on your breasts.

Other than that, a breastpump to combat those sore breasts due to yummy milk being produced!

You go Mommies!
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Compliments... Not my forte.

Whenever I upload pictures of Khairaldin on Facebook, I definitely don't expect people to give compliments on it. Because I know without a doubt babies are the cutest thing alive! So whatever or however they pose they'll still end up looking adorable. Most of the pictures on Facebook is mostly for my family members to view + my in laws. My father in law to be precise will ask if there's any new pictures of Khairaldin if I don't upload any for more than 2 weeks. So yeah, imagine how often I have to upload. Hehehe Thank god for the super fast internet in the UK!

So, if anyone asks whose look Khairaldin inherits most, I could never answer 'me'. The only reason is because people find him soooooo adorable and if I say he looks like 'me' it is like I'm trying to compliment myself. Errk! It just doesn't sound right. Well at least for me it doesn't. Personally, I see more of Iskandar in Khairaldin than I see myself. The only thing he inherits off me is probably my skin colour and chubby cheeks. :D Here's my other pet peeve: mothers who would go 'cute/pretty like her Mommy right?' Haih! I mean, if people wanna compliment you obviously they'll say it to your face. I just find it irritating. Give your baby some space to get the compliments. You already had your chance.

Now I'm just so used to people asking me about Khairaldin one too many times :) It' like once he was born, people aren't too bothered about the parents and all eyes are on him. Yeay! I love it! Butttttt once in a while, it's nice to get those 'How are you doing?' msges. And then followed by 'How's Khairaldin?' Hehehe but hey, anything goes!

Alright, the other reason I'm writing this entry is because I'm having writer's block and it's because of compliments. :s My eldest bro & youngest bro actually told me to my face that "you can write! And I do read your blog nowadays". Before, they thought my writings were rather hmmmmm boring? But now they're actually reading it and just made me feel all butterfly inside. Hehehe I know! It's weird of me but never have I imagined my brothers who are living close to me would actually read me blog. Gah! I guess I'd have to start writing boring only for Mommies type of entries ey? Hehehe

Well above it all, I'm very pleased that they told me so because it actually boost my confidence to write more. For the time being though, I am still having writer's block. I think it's partly because I haven't got any new pictures to stick on here to let my writing flow. I normally make stories out of the pictures taken. Now I understand why bloggers carry compact cameras with them, everywhere! It's a way for them to tell their story, and I'm definitely one of them.

Till then fellow Mommies (and Daddies?) I'll blog again with some beneficial story :)
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MEd in Islamic Studies

Just found out that the MEd I planned to do was not as beneficial as I presumed it'd be. The reason I wanted to take the MEd was because I wanted to go into teaching. My Dad just told me that this particular course was more for Imaams and Ustazah like. So since I need thorough training to become a teacher in the UK, this course is definitely not for me.

My life doesn't end here though :) I thought that was the best route as it was a combination of Islamic with it. But since it doesn't get me to the route I wanted, I guess I have to settle down with conventional Unis. Looks like I have to apply for a 1 year course which is definitely the route to becoming a teacher. The problem is now, I'm not sure what subject I wanna teach. At the moment I'm looking at enrolling for courses that concentrates on children aged 5 to 13.

The enrolment ends soon so I have to decide a.s.a.p. The courses start in September though. In the mean time, I still have loads of planning to do. :) Teaching is the only job I don't mind doing even if it means I have to get up at early hours.

So Khairaldin, you have another year to hang around with Mommy Insha'Allah. Aren't you the luckiest? :)
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For once, I feel like I'm doing something right :)

Idle parenting.

Source : Telegraph.co.uk

I could not help nodding my head at each and every paragraph. Yes yes I know, Khairaldin's my first baby and I have no say in parenting advices as I've not yet passed the "troublesome" stage. But hey, didn't Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself". So yeah, I've managed to learn about parenting skills from people in my life. I've taken some good and bad point about each parenting and I can personally agree that Idle Parenting is the way I'm going :)

Read on to understand why I am leaning towards 'that' side. Here's some paragraphs I've quoted from the article.

The idle parent is a stay-at-home parent. Not for us costly leisure pursuits at the weekend. We reject the cheap thrills of expensive padded plastic fun palaces, zoos and days out in general. We find fun in our own backyards. We make aeroplanes out of cereal packets and it's amazing how many catching and tickling games you can play with your kids while sitting on the sofa.

The idle parent is a thrifty parent. We don't work too hard and therefore we can't expect to be rolling in cash. With thrift comes creativity. "Waste is unpoetic, thrift is creative," as GK Chesterton wrote. With no money, you start to discover your own inner resources. You make things and draw. Put a pile of A4 paper on the kitchen table, along with a stapler, scissors, crayons and glue, and you'll be amazed at what your children come up with. Forget digital gewgaws. Go analogue. It's more fun and a lot cheaper. Put a bird feeder outside the kitchen window. Fun does not need to be expensive.

We don't care about status and career advancement and how we are perceived by others. We are free of all of that rubbish. We simply want to enjoy our lives and to give our children a happy childhood. What greater gift could there be from a parent? If our children tell their friends in later life that they enjoyed their childhood, I would count that as a great achievement. Better to have a happy childhood than a high-achieving one that brings a big psychiatrist's bill in adult life.

Idle parents are sociable. We recognise the importance of friends. They lighten the burden. A myth of modern society is the idea that "you're on your own in this world". Instead of talking to friends and neighbours, anxious people seek advice in books, websites and internet forums. We resist asking for help or admitting weakness. Be weak! Give up! You can't do everything. Lower your standards. Get friends to help you. Organise little nurseries at your house where parents can chat and kids can play while you ignore them.

And here's my DONE and SATISFIED list :-

Manifesto of the idle parent

• We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
• We pledge to leave our children alone
• That should mean that they leave us alone, too
• We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
• We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals (I don't agree with this as much)
  
• We drink alcohol without guilt
• We reject the inner Puritan
• We fill the house with music and laughter
• We don't waste money on family days out and holidays
• We lie in bed for as long as possible
• We try not to interfere
• We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house
• We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
• Time is more important than money
• Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
• Down with school
• We fill the house with music and merriment

So, what's your views?

Are you ACTUALLY having any SEX???!!

Hands down those of you who think asking married couples whether they've conceived is rather... offensive. *hands down* Personally, I find it VERY offensive. I think being asked when/if I've conceived is just like asking me if I am actually having SEX!!!! "So, any baby yet?" Or "You are not planning, are you?" At the moment, I am free from these type of Qs because Khairaldin is only 7 months old. But I can assure you once he hits 1 year old people will start asking 'so, when's the next one/two/three?' It never ends until you hit the big 4-0 (in age I mean). Lo and behold, the next person who asks such question will get a thorough, almost graphic like, explanation from us that YES! we are having sex, thank you very much. :)

Sex is definitely the main 'ritual' to making babies. However, there are other 'things' that one need to be aware of if some people have not yet conceived. For instance, health issues or other various issues that lead to a no show in baby making production :D Don't this type of questioners question themselves first before asking THE question? Hehehe I mean, what if the couples have been trying but are not showered with any babies just yet? Wouldn't it create tension between the couples?

Fact to the matter is, why is there a need to ask these type of questions?! Questions like these should be refrained from discussing, ever. If the couples wanted to announce their joyous moment, I'm sure they'll give you the news first hand. It is best if we bear in mind that certain things are not meant to be shared openly. I've known couples who've been married for a few years and are still trying to conceive. It doesn't help when they get questions about their 'sex life' every now and then because you need to be stress free in order to conceive. So imagine this, having sex and imagining those people asking you the questions you never had answers for. That is just depressing and rather 'ewwwww'.

Let's change our mindset for once. It's okay for married couples to walk around hand-in-hand just the two of them for a very very long time. No babies doesn't mean that they are not trying. They have their own agenda, so don't bother them. There's nothing to question about if there's no babies with them. If god wants or wills them with babies then without a doubt they will have one or loads! No use asking questions that no one has answers to except for HIM. Just remember that there are other questions you can ask newly or 'old' weds without any child(ren). But asking almost like asking about their sex life? That is definitely out of the question.
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Domestic arguments :|

Picture above has nothing to do with the entry. Just wanted something dramatic :)

I seriously think that domestic arguments should be left behind closed doors!!!! NEVER leave your bedroom until the argument has been resolved. I don't understand how some people can blog or even make Facebook status out of their arguments with their other half! What is the point of letting people know that you're being 'mistreated' by your husband (I'm being biased because I normally see these kinda statuses on girl's profiles). I doubt that a guy would do such a thing though.

Sometimes I feel like deleting these people from my Facebook because they're just giving negative vibes. But most of the time, I feel blessed having a husband that understands me. No doubt we have our misunderstandings but we talk it through before going to bed. Nowadays our 'fights' lasts for 10 minutes maximum because we just find it ridiculous to be fighting about petty things. Life is too short to be arguing about everything and anything. Cherish the moments while you still can.

During my wedding reception, my sister gave a speech. It was a compilation of advices from all my siblings. When I first heard the speech I thought, 'oh well, I don't need these kinda advices. We're happy & in love'. But those bouncy-happy-in love- feeling doesn't last long. It doesn't mean you can't get that feeling back though. We worked hard to keep the feeling as if we're still newly weds. One of it is bloomed during arguments! Yes, it's impossible to believe such a thing. That's why we always pause and think for a moment when we argue. I am the type that gives the silent treatment if something goes wrong. Iskandar however, he is a resolver. He makes sure that we sort our disagreements before going to bed. So, sometimes I'd just agree and call it peace because I want my sleep. Hehehe When I wake up the next morning, I realise how silly I can be sometimes. Or even better, I normally forget that we actually had an argument the night before. Forgive & forget, that's the way it should be.

Nowadays, there have been too many marriages that have called it 'quit'. It's as if it's a trend. Even the Malaysian celebrities are in and out of a marriage like it's no biggie. It scares and saddens me, even worse, those with child(ren). Everyday I pray that such a thing won't happen to us and my loved ones. It's just such a precious thing to actually 'give up' on.

My parents always say, "never leave your husband/wife behind, even if it's for a business trip. Always drag them along!". And yes, that's the root to all healthy, admirable & tremendous relationship; To always always always be by your partners' side. Leaving them behind would only make an empty space for other people to 'fill in'. Marriage is not like a couple relationship. You might be able to survive long distance relationship when a couple but once you've got used to having someone by your side 24-7 it's just not the same anymore.

I am not ashamed to admit that I am ever so clingy with Iskandar. It's to a point where I hate going for male & female separate sitting events. Yes, that bad! To me, once we are married it means nothing can come between us. We have worked hard to gain and be in this relationship so why waste it just like that.

So remember, if you have something against your other half, talk to them! Don't let the whole world know about it unless ..... actually, no unless. Work it through, together. Other people would only rub salt to the wound which of course makes it hurt even worse. In the end, you're just too angry & annoyed to listen to your other half. So don't ever talk about it openly. With close friends would be and exception, but seriously, it won't resolve anything until you've spoken to the 'perpetrator'. hehehe

I know I've only been married for 2 years and people would take me for granted. Anyhow, this is also a reminder for myself so that I can always look back and reflect "why I married Iskandar". Insha'Allah I will always try to please and be by my husband & children's side. Always always always!!!!! Amin.