"International Education and Islamic Parenting Conference" organised by Brainy Bunch Islamic Montessori (BBIM)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

First and foremost, Alhamdulillah shukur for the opportunity given by an old friend to attend the "International Education and Islamic Parenting Conference" organised by Brainy Bunch Islamic Montessori (BBIM). It meant a lot to the both of us because we have been thinking of sending Khairaldin to BBIM and attending the conference has shed us some lights on the nursery. So, thank you! Before I start sharing my experience about the talk, I will just inform you that I didn't stay for all 4 speakers due to "clingy kids". Alhamdulillah, we still managed to stay and listen to the Famous Mufti Menk, which helped a lot in our parenting skills. However, that will be on a different blog post. ;-)

The conference begin with Ustazah Isfadiah Dasuki's talk on "Raising our Children with The Book of Allah & The Importance of Islamic Education." In her talk she mentioned a few ways of raising our child with Al-Quran, which are, teaching them Ibadah, morals, sexual education and teaching them to socialise. (I think I missed out a few points and also added a few according to my understanding during the talk. It will be great if anyone who went for the conference share their experience as well. Jazakallahu khairan kathira.) 

How do we teach them Ibadah?

• We can start teaching them at a very young age. The best way to teach is by being the example! When we solat, put them in the same room as us. Let them see how we solat and why we solat, explain to them why we need to stop everything as soon as the Azan finishes. 
• If they disturb us during solat, leave them to it. After finishing our solat, hug and kiss them as they were there watching us doing it. Even if it means they were tugging onto our 'telekong' the whole time. Hugging and kissing them after solat makes them feel that we are enjoying the solat. If we finish our solat and scold them straight after, it will show that solat is very stressful! 
• Reward them when they do something good. When they solat on their own, reward them. When they fast, reward them! They deserve it as it is not easy for them to perform all this on their own. They need encouragements and we are the best source for them to get it from.

How to teach them morals?

• When the child reach a certain age, GUIDE them to be independent. For instance with putting their clothes on. We can't expect them to one day wake up and miraculously put their clothes on, some have the ability Alhamdulillah but most of us needs guidance. So one day we can guide them to just put one sleeve on and when they are good at that, let them put the sleeve on themselves. Then start guiding them with their pants, when THEY feel confident, let them do it on their own. We should keep guiding them throughout their life, even when they are an adult! 
• Give them choices and ALLOW them to make mistakes! If we don't allow them to make mistakes, how do we expect them to know what is right and wrong? 
• Our Prophet s.a.w taught us to have good morals by projecting good morals in himself. So, take that onboard into our own family. 

How to teach them sexual education?

• There are TWO places we can teach them sex ed. First it starts in our own house, we have to explain to them the roles of parent. Sometimes my son gets confused why is it that Mommy can sleep with Abah and yet he cannot sleep with Mommy. We have to explain to them what parents is all about.
• Immediate sexual ed is through SOLAT. How? We explain to them why is it that boys have to solat at the front and girls at the back- this is done by teaching them the aurah and how to protect the gaze. They then understand how to respect different gender.
• Teach them to ask for our permission before entering our room BEFORE fajr, zuhur and AFTER Isya'. Tell them why we need to close our bedroom door and why they need to ask for permission to get in, it is all about aurah and this will then make them feel ashamed to show their own aurah. Also let them know what they should not see inside the bedroom they should not see outside the bedroom. Its like whatever happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom kinda thing.
•  Outside the household, manage the gaze. They should know by now what is shameful for them to see and what is not. When we see adverts of those not covering their aurah, tell them to lower their gaze and switch view for a moment until it's gone.
• Avoid chattering and gossiping. Yes yes yes we all know about this but sometimes we make an effort to get out of the house to meet up with people just to gossip. So, do our best to avoid this! If you can't restrain yourself from gossiping, then avoid the people you know that would talk bad about others. Choose your friends wisely as it teaches them to choose their friends too.      

 How to teach them to socialise?

• Socialising can be taught by letting them watch TV. We shouldn't stop them from watching TV or internet. Observe what they are watching, if they like those violent shows, watch with them and tell them why is it wrong to destroy the buildings. How real is all this destroying and killing people. Tell them and talk to them to instill a different perspective as how the TV is instilling it into them. When we STOP them from watching their favourite shows, they will find the need to watch it more and will go out of their way to watch it. So, best not to refrain them from watching TV or using the internet. Teach them to use it wisely.

Again and again, you are the best example to SHOW them how they should bring themselves up in this world. When they do anything wrong, reflect on yourself. How much gadget have you been using around them? Where are they when you are performing your solat? Have you been covering your aurah around them for them to understand that it is wrong to see other people's aurah? So, START WITH YOURSELF FIRST. Insha'Allah, the parenting will be a breeze for you. Sometimes we want to impose things onto our kids that we ourselves can't keep up with. DO OUR BEST to be the example in the household. 

I pray that Allah make it a breeze for us to care for our children according to the Quran and Sunnah. When we feel we are at lost, grab the Quran and start back from the beggining, Insha'Allah, we can't be wrong at educating our kids the right way. May Allah bless all of you for the efforts you have been putting in to care for his Amanah. Amin ya Rabbalalamin! 

Insha'Allah, I shall continue on Mufti Menk's talk in the near future. Thank you for your patience.

Hajj Pilgrimage : The Plan

‎This is one journey that I want to have in my memory.... forever! Ok, other than the birth of my children and their growing up stage and some other random stuff. But *this* right here, is an event that I will never want to forget! Inshaa'Allah.

It's best for me to start from the beginning, right? So, how did we even plan on going for Hajj? Well, we didn't really. See, every year during Ramadhan we will get flyers being sent to our house for Umrah and Hajj packages. Of course during that month you would only want to read sacred things and that is considered as one of them. As I was going through the Umrah packages for year 2011, I told Iskandar how it would be amazing to bring the kids for Umrah as we have visited Malaysia and a few other countries. It'd be nice for them to step foot in Mekah at such an early age. Iskandar, being the thinker and "financer" in the family was not too keen with my plan. So I thought how cheapo can my husband be! Yes the umrah packages aren't as cheap as going for holiday to Malaysia, it was double the price. I gave him the chance to explain his points. Then he said, "why not we do the mandatory first before taking the kids for Umrah". It didn't occur to me that he meant Hajj. He then suggested for us to save up for Hajj and try to do it as soon as possible. 

Hajj was not something I talk about everyday. Haha Duh! But you know what I mean. Hajj is looked at as an Ibadah for the elderly rather than youngsters. Of course we don't talk about it until we are about 40 years old, at least. So when my husband suggested Hajj, I had to ask "Are we even allowed to go?" because in Malaysia we'd have to wait for our name to be called before we can do Hajj with Tabung Haji. ‎Iskandar then showed me the price list for Hajj and how to go about booking it. Obviously the procedure of booking it is the same as booking any other holiday, at least in the UK. 

Without hesitating, I agreed to his plan and started planning on how much we have to save monthly in order to reach our goal. Truth be told, he wasn't earning a lot (+-£1500/month) and with one income we really had to make sure we took everything into consideration. Some way some how, after we have decided on going for hajj we were receiving funds from various source. At this time we haven't even told anyone about our plan. But money was coming in non stop. Alhamdulillah. We manged to save up at least £3000 within 4 months. The ticket per person was approximately £4000. I was so optimistic that we will be able to get the whole sum before the booking date.

Then we started telling our parents the plan to make sure there will be someone to babysit the kids. The initial plan was for my parents to come over to the UK to look after the kids since it'll be cheaper that way. However, we had to change all the plans when we found out we had to move to Malaysia for good. The plan from then on became bumpy and distorted! Everything we planned wasn't going OUR way!

To be continued.....

My loves.

I feel so bad for not updating about Khairaldin and Layina for a while now! This blog is supposed to be their platform to reminisce the fond memories if one day I leave the world before getting the chance to tell them what they're like when they're babies. But somehow I feel that jotting down every single thing couldn't justify the whole "being there" memories. So now I have chosen to be there with them more rather than clicking away on my phone and taking lots of their pics as memories. Because, I might even miss a few things that are more important when I am busy setting up the camera/phone. So the memory remains in me.

Saying that, my kids now find the necessity to "self potrait" or document their everyday routines. Hehe they kinda took over my "job". Here's a picture of Layina being vain and capturing hereself and the other is a picture of Khairaldin capturing his "what I ate today". Blogger much? ;)

It scares me how much they mimic what I say and do! However, I am glad I get to be there and make sure I'm showing them what is good and bad. I always get praises on how well behaved my kids are and all I have to say is, Alhamdulillah I was made redundant almost 4 years ago as this is definitely the best job ever- MOTHERHOOD! Only a mother can discipline, care and love the child all at the same time. It's true that you have to be there in your kids' life for them to be there for yours later on. I couldn't have learn all this if my mom was a working mom. I'm sure she went thru a lot to bring the 7 of us up but I'm sure she never regretted being a Mother first before anything else. I love my mom so much! Alhamdulillah for the chance to still learn from her on how to bring up my own children.

Lots of love.

Breastfeeding Friendly Maxi Dress

Well hello, Assalamualaikum. It has been a while since I last visited my site. Alhamdulillah shukur I have been very busy with life. As I've blogged before, I now have a hobby- sewing! and Masha'Allah, it's been the greatest hobby ever. You see, I have never been a shopaholic. It's almost impossible to find any attire that's Muslimah friendly + breastfeeding friendly. When I had Khairaldin, I bought every single long sleeved blouse that I could get hold off. Unfortunately when Layina came, the fashion became rather weird. People were into sheer clothing and believe me it's like a waste of money to actually buy those type of clothing! Ridiculously expensive and doesn't serve any purpose. So, that's when I decided I wanna start sewing. (Well, other than the fact that my Mom's getting older and she's the only sewist everyone depend on in this family :) 

Alhamdulillah, ever since I started sewing which was about 3 months ago, I have managed to make 3 breastfedding friendly maxi dresses + it's muslimah friendly as well!! I am so excited that I can now nurse in public without having to worry about exposing my breasts. Like I mentioned in one of my many posts, to be a successful "breastfeeder", mothers have to attend to their child's need as soon as possible. For instance Layina, she gets upset if I don't feed her as soon as she demands it. And that girl really knows how to sulk! Alhamdulillah she's still being breastfed up till today (16 months, Mahsa'Allah!).

Anyway, I'm getting rusty at typing now. Shame! I seriously need to find time to blog in between my sewing. Do let me know if any of you are interested with the maxi dress. Since I can only own a few dress during this Winter season, I'm planning to sell some of it at affordable price approximately RM45. Btw, it's jersey material. InshaAllah I'll update on other designs I have worked on. Unfortunately I can only sew the designs that I have worked on but if you do have a design in mind, do let me know :)

Till next time inshaAllah.

Ps: might put up an 'in action' picture in case you are wondering how it's breastfeeding friendly ;)

Nabi Isa ibn Maryam

Have you ever wondered why every time we come across Prophet Isa/Jesus' name in the Quran it will be with his 'bin/son of', which is 'bin' his Mother Maryam/Mary. When ever we come across Prophet Adam/Musa or any other prophets it will just be their name on its own.

Well, according to our local imam, here's why... Allah knew that the Christians will worship Jesus and they believe Jesus is the "son of God" therefore, there is a need to constantly correct this thinking by mentioning Jesus as Mary's son and NOT God's son. SubhanAllah! It's just amazing how accurate is the Quran!!

This statement was mentioned during our Wednesday Halaqah. Going for this sort of talks really do help me with my belief. Sometimes we just need these reminders to make our belief stronger! InshaAllah will try and share more often. May all of you benefit something from this blog rather than 'what am I up to' updates. :) Till we meet again.

Oh, while you're still here. Do you know what is 100000 divided with infinity? Hmmmmmm. Do try it out ;) Will reveal in a weeks time InshaAllah.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Our little Muslimah!

SubhanAllah! Alhamdulillah!!

Our little Muslimah is just 2 weeks shy to 1 year old. SubhanAllah Alhamdulillah! She is growing up so fast it's just bittersweet for us. She started walking when she was 9 months old and now she's already running and following each and every thing that we are doing. I am glad that 'solat' is one of the things that she's immitating us other than being on the iPod/BBM. hahaha Well, we do not some balance in life, yes? 

We pray everyday that our children will grow up to become the leader of the Ummah. Amin! 

 (Yeah, I do 'prayers' on my blog because I believe the more 'Amin' I get the more my du'a will come true. So, don't judge :P)

Oh yeah, so far she can last in a hijaab for at least 4 hours straight. Masha'Allah! And to think I thought the hijaab was rather 'tedious' for her but she seems to like it. I don't wear it on her everyday, just during cold summer days. Rather than wearing her a hat or what nots, it's better to put a hijaab on her right? After all, she does look adorable in it. SubhanAllah. We are slowly practising her in hijaab because she will be wearing it to school when she is three years old. That is just 2 years away!!! I'm sure it will flyby. :') I'm trying really hard to bring up my son and daugther to become a great Muslim. It may be "easy" now, but Wallahualam, I'm not sure what the years to come have to offer me. So, while they still have the 'clean sheet' I guess it's best for me to paint them with beautiful colours which is; ISLAM! Love you both lots Khairaldin and Layina.

THEY'RE OFFICIALLY DIVORCED!!!!

because HE had an affair! Meh.

How many times have you heard of such marriage break ups? I've heard it one too many times! Which has made me think.....

Who do we blame when a marriage ends because of the GUY having an affair? Of course we blame the guy instantly! I mean come on, he's having an affair!!! How bad is that? There's no justification on his side as to why he had the affair. But hang on a minute. Do we stop to ask the guys their reasons for the divorce? Of course we don't. I mean, why should we?? He's made an offence so why should we listen to what he's got to say. Right?

Wrong!

If one is really concerned about someone's divorce, they would take the initiative to listen to both sides of the story. Of course both stories will differ tremendously because there is something that either party wouldn't want to disclose. So, what do "we" do next? We start judging from our own perspective because we've heard it all. I mean, that's what we do best right? We have seen it all in Law & Order, CSI etc etc. After we've heard both parties' story, we, the Jury, will sit down, discuss and give our final thought as to who is at fault. Unfortunately, that's absolutely NOT how our life should be! Even in Hudud law, four PIOUS witnesses have to come upfront and admit that they have witnessed such adultery in PERFECT DETAIL, IF, by any chance their statements do not satisfy the requirements, they (the witnesses) can be sentenced to eighty lashes for unfounded accusation of fornication. That is how bad assumptions and suspisions are perceived in Islam. We as human beings are not given the chance to judge another person.... at all! Judgement day is there for a reason. It's stated in Surah Al-Fatihah verse 3- Maaliki yawmi-d-Deen; MASTER of the Day of Judgement. It's ALLAH's 'job' to put us on the spot and judge the good and bad we have done in our life. Even if we've heard both sides of the story, do you think we can be unbiased? Of course we can't. Especially if we have experienced it before.

Before I got married to Iskandar, I've always told him. If you wanna have 2 or 3 or 4 wives, carry on. As long as you can fulfill all the requirements that you're supposed to. Yes, I am frank when it comes to serious things like this. There must be a reason why ALLAH allow men to marry 4. I have never believed that affairs happen BECAUSE the guy is unfaithful. I believe that it takes two to tango, so it takes two to break a marriage too. There must be a solid reason behind an affair. My Mom always tells me, some people just HAVE to marry 2 or 3 or 4 because there are things in their life that they need to be fulfilled but with one wife, it's not possible to be fulfilled (for example, one wife is only just good at cooking and the other maybe sewing). There must be a reason why ALLAH has matched them together. My Mom has always 'encouraged' polygyny if it has to happen.

So, back to affairs. Why is it always the guys that gets the blame? It's simply because they have higher sexual urges than girls (that's a fact!). Then, of course guys will get blamed regardless of their story. But! Doesn't this mean that there is something that the ladies aren't doing to please the man? This is why I say it takes two to break a marriage. We can NEVER pin point a person for their wrongdoings because we don't know what happen or doesn't happen behind CLOSED DOORS. Why are we so quick at judging the guys for being the bad one? From my point of view, affairs happen because the wives aren't fulfilling their responsible as a wife. It's as simple as that. I'm not only blaming the wife, it's silly for the guy to have an affair but I'm just saying... It takes two to tango! Simple as that. We have no knowledge to just point a finger to one person and look bad on that person because he had an affair.

Ok, let's turn the table for a moment. If a girl has an affair, who would you blame? I'm sure there must be some amongst you that will say "HE deserves it for not treating the wife correctly." "HE deserves it for not showering the wife with lots of love and happiness". Am I right or am I right? Wouldn't the blame still be on the guy? Yes, it will still be. Only because we have been brought up with a mindset that girls are to be showered with lots of love and DIAMONDS! If they're not, they will never be happy. So, who's to be blamed for not showering all this? THE GUYS!!!

We have been brought up with a mindset and society that girls are sensitive and guys are HEARTLESS! No matter what guys try to do, they get the blame. It's just like when a wife gets beaten up, the guys will get the blame because he's just not supposed to hit his wife. It's wrong to smack a lady because they're fragile. But when a lady beats up a man.. it's okay because she can't express it any other way. How is that fair? Yes it's not fair! It can never be fair. That is why ALLAH swt has made it easy on us to not judge another person because we can NEVER be fair! It's not wrong to be concerned for one party, but it is wrong when ties are broken in the whole process. People tend to be emotionally involved till they forget their own flesh and blood.

Even worse when the divorce has finalised and the guy is going out with the so called "affair lady". People without hesitation make a judgement that YES!!! THE AFFAIR WAS TRUE AFTER ALL. Hang on a sec, couldn't it be because that so called "affair lady" has always been there throughout the whole process and has been his 'friend' throughout the downfall? So, it is only right for her to be in the picture and comforting him from his divorce. No? But, most important of all, isn't it ALLAH that has brought them together? Isn't this what they call fate? Just because it's not a fairytale like fate, doesn't mean it couldn't happen. It is all ALLAH's plan. Whether we like it or not. HE, the Almighty has planned it out perfectly for us. So, who are we to Judge that "It's WRONG for him to go out with the so called "affair lady""?

So, let's take a step back if we've gone too far. Let's think in a positive way. Everything happens for a reason. Only ALLAH swt knows the reason behind it. Marriage, affairs, divorce etc, is beyond our control. It's ALLAH's way to show that HE is in control. Doesn't mean you have a perfect marriage, your marriage can never break up. If ALLAH wills it, you have no say! Everything is in ALLAH's hand. Let's think about it, if we are upset with the person's "affair" or divorce, doesn't it ONLY mean that we are upset with ALLAH's decision?? Think about it. And from a cousin's quote: The Mind can be controlled to shift from a Negative state to a Positive one. Just find something Positive to do. Your Mind will follow next. So, think about it in a Positive way and throw out all the Negative views that we have been brought up with from Movies or Dramas etc. Insha'Allah, may we look at things more clearly and not make a 'judge' out of ourselves. Judgement day will come, so let's just be prepared for that day and leave the judging 'work' to ALLAH swt. Don't waste our precious time too engrossed with other people's affair (pun intended ;-).

May we have more barakah in this life, Insha'Allah. AMIN!!

I will also leave this few Hadiths, Insha'Allah. May we Ponder upon it. :-)

Hadith : Bukhari and Muslim

The Messenger of Allah salallahualaihiwasalam said: " Beware of suspicion, for suspicion (may be based on) the most untrue information; and do not spy upon one another and do not try to bare each other's hidden failings."

"O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it...But fear Allah: For Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful." (surah al-hujuraat verse 12)

"Behold, ye received it on your tongues, and said out of your mouths things of which ye had no knowledge; and ye thought it to be a light matter, while it was most serious in the sight of Allah." (surah al-noor verse 15)

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah : "Beware of backbiting, for backbiting is more serious than adultery.  A man may commit adultery, and drink, and then repent, and Allah will forgive him.  But, the backbiter will not be forgiven by Allah until his companion forgives him." [Suyuti, Al-Jami` as-Saghir, 1/174, #2919, from Ibn Abid-Dunya, and Abush-Shaykh, Al-Tawbikh.]

Post-natal depression AND terrible two???!

Alhamdulillah it wasn't me who suffered from postnatal depression! Before I gave birth to Layina, I have read a lot about people whom suffered from postnatal depression. According to a few sources, postnatal depression "target" people with second baby, so they say. I was scared that it could happen to me. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to cope with post natal depression and this so called "terrible two" son??

In case you didn't know, I have a Degree in Psychology. After my second year of studying Psychology, I feel that most (not all but most!) of the things taught were a whole load of crap. Don't get me wrong, I love Psychology!! I believed most of the things being taught but I truly hate it when they teach us things that doesn't make any sense. For instance, Freudian's theory was being taught at A-Levels up to second year degree. Who doesn't know his theory, I am sure you've somewhat heard of his psychosexual theory, yes? You can read about his theory here if you are interested. There are also other modules that gives me the icks when I learn them. I find it rather pathetic that they're teaching us these theories when they know that it doesn't make any sense or even that it is very controversial. To me, it was like they were trying to brainwash us into thinking in those terms. Anyway, enough about that.

Like I said, there are some parts of Psychology that I could agree on. Basically, I 110% agree that the brain controls each and every part of our body. Our brain is the most important organ in our body. So when I was scared about the postnatal depression cases, it got me 'ready' for it. What did I do? Well, I convinced myself that I can definitely handle my 2 kids with Allah's will. Would Allah have given me another child if he didn't believe in me? I'm sure I've done something right for him to shower me with another child right? Of course I wasn't boastful. I couldn't have done it without Allah's help.

Depression and stress happens because we over think things. Say for instance if a person lose a job which I'm sure this is one of the many reasons people become depressed nowadays looking at the state of our economy. People without beliefs will feel that this is all their fault, as if they have failed in life! When really in Islam we are taught that Allah is the one that has control of every single thing in our life. Yes you can be sad, not a problem. But get over it quickly. Don't moan and groan over it too much. Get back on your feet and think of your next step. First and foremost though, thank Allah for everything that's happened to you. There's always a blessing behind every thing that He gives or takes. Like this ayat suggest; "....... it may well be that you dislike a thing even though it is good for you, and it may well be that you like a thing even though it is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know." (Surah Al-Baqarah:216)

I believe that everything we say or think is du'a (supplication) to Allah swt. So if a person thinks of negative things, they are clearly channelling their feeling towards that particular situation. Like post natal depression, if you think too much about how tiring it is to take care of a child, you will definitely not have the time to enjoy the child that you've just given birth to. No doubt being a Mother is tiring (not much for fathers though)! Having to wake up every now and then for feeds, diaper change or even just checking that baby is sleeping soundly is REALLY tiring! So why think about it and tire your brain even more when you know it's tiring? Instead try and think about the joyful things you can do with your baby when he/she is awake. Think about how lucky you are that the baby wakes up to feed/diaper change etc. I'm sure you know that being a Mother/Father consists of being there for your child almost 24-7, right? Since you have asked Allah for this child of yours then enjoy bringing them up with lots of love, hugs, kisses and positivity!

Although, these aren't the only things that we should bring our child up with. Of course there's Syaitan to mess about with our mind. That is why whatever we do we should think of Allah first. After giving birth we are more likely to feel depressed because we are in a 'dirty' condition. The post partum blood is dirty and so we are not allowed to pray. Nonetheless, our Worship towards him does not stop there. We should continue our 'zikir'. Glorify him so that the Syaitan will be scared of us and will not dare to come near us. Insha'Allah with Allah's protection we will be safe from the Syaitan! After all, in Surah Fatihah we mention that only in HIM do we seek for help and therefore we should always seek HIM in whatever sad or happy situation we are in.

On a slightly different topic, I did say 'terrible two' son didn't I? Well, to be honest, I feel that this word is being used to make us feel that they are terrible. How is it that they've been our 'bundle of joy' for 1 year and suddenly when they reach 2 they are terrible? This term is negative and we should really change it to a more positive term like "terrific two". Well, just because they cry more and are a little bit clingy doesn't mean they are terrible! To be honest, I was also conned into the "terrible two" term. Whenever Khairaldin cried, I almost gave up and just said "Oh well, it's just a phase. He'll get over it." When really I think all he wanted was someone to listen to him and just give him cuddles! Since we don't carry him that much, he then throw tantrums to get attention. He wants to still feel that he's being loved. We can't just take it for granted that "he'll get over it." HE WON'T . Give the attention that they need. Children don't cry for no reason.  

It's a terrific two because they are clever to know how to get our attention yet we are so silly not to give them the attention they need!

So parents, don't be caught up with all these terms or label that has been put out to us out there. We should really think positively and not let anyone label us. After all this "terrible two" and all other stress, what next? Mid life crisis? Are we just gonna live our life by letting people bring us down all the time? So get up! Live your life to the fullest. Positivity is the way to go! There's nothing wrong with having a positive mindset. Doesn't mean you're positive you don't feel sad. You still do and it's ok to feel that way as it's a test from Allah swt to appreciate HIM even more. If you're too happy, you might forget HIS existance. So, he has to bring you down and test you every now and then. It is how you get back up and continue worshipping him that matters! Insha'Allah.

My du'a is for all of my readers to be more positive in life and to not let anyone label and judge us except for the Allah swt. Insha'Allah. Amin!

World Breastfeeding Week 1st -7th August 2011

In case you didn't know, it was the World Breastfeeding Week last week. Funny and sad how such event has to be conducted to raise public awareness about breastfeeding. Truthfully, breastfeeding is supposed to be a natural way of life whereby everyone's aware of it. So, what is this event all about? Let me tell you, not everyone has this perception that breastfeeding is natural and a way to fulfil the child's right. Some perceive breastfeeding as being rude when you do it at an open space. I have to agree if one strips off and don't breastfeed discreetly, then yes that is rude and inappropriate. Personally, I have never come across any 'breastfeeders' who shows off their boobs when breastfeeding their child, I think we Mommies still have our dignity in tact to know we shouldn't shove our breasts to the public eyes, yes? The only way you'd know the baby is having his/her feed is when their face is somewhere near the boobies area, right? So, how is that obscene/rude/disgusting if you can hardly see any skin or nipples sticking out??

THIS IS NOT NATURAL ;)

Seriously, our society has to STOP THINKING about breastfeeding as though it is an unnatural thing to do. Especially Muslim society, we should know that breastfeeding is so natural that it is even being prescribed in the Quran: "If they (ie; the fathers) wish that the period of suckling for their children be completed, mothers may suckle their children for two whole years......" (Surah Al-Baqarah:233) "We enjoined upon man to be dutiful to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness upon weakness and his weaning lasted for two years........." (Surah Luqman:14) 

 

 

Would the Quran "write" such a verse if it is rude and obscene? So, in the Quran, Allah advices us to breastfeed for at least 2 years. Tell me, how could a mother achieve this if the society isn't helping them to do so? Imagine this, if a mother is having her meal at a restaurant and suddenly the baby wakes up for a feed. Would you expect the mother to get out of the restaurant, find a nearest nursing room or TOILET to feed the child? I'm hoping you'd answer NO at this point. Now, try imagining a starving baby yelling her head off wanting her milk and the mother has to run around to find the nearest "appropriate" place to breastfeed. Isn't that just stressful? What's wrong with letting the Mom and baby have their meal peacefully.. anywhere?

 

In my opinion, to achieve a great breastfeeding journey Mothers have to attend to their babies need as soon as their babies demand for feed. They don't need to wait until the baby scream their lungs out before giving them their milk. This is because, when the baby starts to cry (or even give signals wanting to be fed), the Mother's brain will instantly pass the message onto the breasts to produce milk. This is the time when all the nutritions are being produced and it will start to flow as soon as it's being produced. So would we want to waste the milk to just flow onto the breast pad? I'm hoping that people could understand why mothers need to feed where ever and when ever. There is no such thing as just feeding in nursing rooms, toilets or even bedrooms. Do you even have your meals in these places?? So why should a helpless child be stuck just in those rooms.

Now that you've understood why mothers MUST feed their child, please, I beg, don't give those nursing mothers the disgusting look when you see them feeding and attending to their child's need. The least you could do is give them the 'gratitude' look to tell them they are doing the right thing for their child. I'm sure breastfeeding Moms wouldn't want you to be looking at them when they are feeding their child anyway. So you don't have to look if it bothers you that much. After all, you wouldn't stare at people when they are having their meals now would you? ;)

 

And because they're being fed where and when they want to be fed, this is the outcome that we get. How could we stop them from their rights ey?

 

Khairaldin

Layina

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Ramadhan 1432

Ramadhan Mubarak everyone!!! 

 

Let's make full use of this blessed month. Here's a tip I'd like to share for those of you who'd like to khatam the Quran in this month:

Try and read at least 4-5 pages after every fardhu prayers. That will make it 20-25 pages per day. Insha'Allah by the time Ramadhan ends, you'd be able to khatam the whole Quran.

The Quran was revealed to our Prophet SalallahuAlaihiWassalam in the month of Ramadhan, that is why it's such a blessed month, Masha'Allah. So, the best way to appreciate this month is by reading and understanding the Quran! Insha'Allah. There's just so much we can learn from the Quran. Ramadhan is not a month to abstain from food, drink, sexual intercourse etc. In fact, it is THE month to learn how powerful Allah swt is (if we don't know already). This is the month when all the devils are locked away and it's just us and our Creator. No devils to provoke us to do evil things. Always remember that Allah swt is listening to us intensely, so make du'a for ourselves, families and friends. Insha'Allah, HE will 'makbul' our du'as and good intentions.

May Allah swt help us through this month by giving us Imaan to do great deeds! Insha'Allah it'll be a stepping stone to a new way of life after this, Amin ya Raabalamin!

Let the battle with ourselves begin, Insha'Allah!

Wassalam.
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Sorry that I am such a positive person :)

In spite of my very positively chripy, lovely and heartfelt writings, I sometimes have the urge to just sit down and write a very harsh entry on how my heart really feel about a certain someone. But everytime I think of doing it, my brain tells my heart not to do such a harsh thing because the purpose of this blog is to share my Islamic parenting experience and moral values with other parents (to-be) out there. It is also a place where one day Khairaldin and Layina (Insha'Allah their other siblings too) can look at and Insha'Allah appreciate what we have done for them. I do not ever want them to grow up with hatred in life. Yes, life is tough but it's how we deal with it that matters the most. Like the saying goes, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Something so sour could still turn out sweet if you know the perfect recipe to it.

No matter how angry annoyed I am with this particular person, I have to thank him/her for making me the person I am today. I have been putting up with lots of harsh comments from him/her not only about Iskandar and I but also about my innocent children. Try this, Layina is only 1 month old yet she's already getting negative comment. Layina, don't worry, it's not your fault that you get such nasty remark. Mommy hope you'll not be offended with it but in fact take it as a reminder that it's not easy to please everyone. In the end of the day, just try your best and the only one you should always please is Allah swt. So, be strong babycakes. :) Anyway, back to where I was, all these negative comments I have been getting is not only making me stronger but it is also strengthening my Imaan (faith). It makes me want to turn back to Allah swt and Prophet SalallahuAlaihiWassalam and "listen" to what they've got to say by reading the Quran and Hadith.

Like I said, I sometimes feel like writing negative entries but because of this particular person also I have learnt that it is wrong to do such a thing. It's not only wrong in a way that "yeah you are talking bad about a person" but it's also very wrong to conceal one's sins. One day, in the hereafter that is, my blog will be revealed to every single one of us that's living on this planet and others. In one of the hadith narrated Abu Hurairah radi Allahu Anhu: I heard Allah's Messenger SalallahuAlaihiWassalam saying, "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people. An example of such disclosure is that a person commits a sin at night, and though Allah screens it from the public, then he comes in the morning and says, "O so-and-so, I did such and such evil deed yesterday," though he spent his night screened by his Lord (none knowing about his sin) and in the morning he removes Allah's screen from himself." Basically, if I were to go on and on about this person in public, it will only accumulate my sins and doing it OPENLY will only make matters worse in this world and most importantly HEREAFTER!

Even though this person tries so hard to bring my self-esteem down, I have to say it's only bringing it "up". I live my life the Islamic way therefore I would turn to the Quran or Hadith and see how our Prophet would react in every situation. (Narrated Tariq: 'Abdullah said, "The best talk is Allah's book (the Quran), and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad SalallahuAlaihiWassalam.) Be it a happy, blissful, angry or sad situation, I try my very best to make sure I don't react in an extreme way. So, I turn to the Hadith and read words that will help me with my emotions. As we all know, emotion is very difficult to control. Even though our mind says one thing, our heart (especially the female gender) would have the last say and most of the time it's not a nice one if we are in an angry mood. Before we regret saying one thing, sit back, grab the Quran or Hadith and ponder upon it. Insha'Allah we will live a happier and more Barakah life. :)

Below are the quotes that have helped me get through my difficult days. I hope it will also help all of you and comes in handy when you are feeling at your lowest mood. Believe me, it's not worth it to take up with the person you are angry with as they would definitely have their opinion and it'll only end up in a fight. Another way you can make yourself feel better is by taking everything in a positive way. Like what my li'l brother would say to me "What happened to your funny bone? Chill!" :) There's a reason why we have a "funny bone", try hitting the nerve and you'd definitely feel ticklish. If a person hits your nerve, remember, there's a funny bone somewhere in your body. You just need to look for it. ;) Sometimes it is difficult to just let go of what you have worked hard for but then, it's best to leave some things broken than hurting yourself trying to fix it. ;) Move on whilst knowing that you have tried for the sake of Allah and Allah swt is happy with your intentions.

May Allah make it easy for us to do good deeds in this life in order for us to prepare for the Hereafter! Amin!

"Tell them (O Prophet): "O you servants of mine who believe, have fear of your lord. A good end awaits those who did good in this world. Allah's earth is spacious. Verily, those who persevere shall be granted their reward beyond all reckoning." (Quran 39:10)

Narrated Abu Musa: The Prophet SalallahuAlaihiWassalam said, "None is more patient than Allah against the harmful saying, He hears from the people; they ascribe a son (or offspring or children) to Him, yet He gives them health and (supplies them with) provision." (Hadith Bukhari)

Beautified is the ife of this world for those who disbelieve and they mock at those who believe. But those who have taqwa, will be above then on the Day of Ressurection. And Allah gives (of this bounty, blessings, favours and honours on the Day of Ressurection) to whom He wills without limit. (Quran 2:212)

Narrated Abu Hurairah RadiAllahuAnhu: Allah's Messenger SalallahuAlaihiWassalam said, "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger."

Ps: I could go on and on with the quotes but time is something I am lack off nowadays, therefore I shall leave these quotes with you and hopefully you'd continue by reading it from the Quran or Hadiths. Insha'Allah.

Coincidence or is it really ol' wives' tales?

22nd June 2011, it's supposed to be the due date for baby no.2 but hey, they did say it's ESTIMATED due date (EDD). One could give birth earlier or later than their due date. As for now, I'm still heavily pregnant, Alhamdulillah. No doubt I do want baby to be out a.s.a.p not only because I'm eager to see him/her but also because I'm too heavy right now!!! I've put on about 13kgs throughout the pregnancy, I know it's not much but when you have a possessive toddler who demands Mommy to carry him after bath/upstairs/to the toilet, it gets rather tiring. Alhamdulillah I can still pray as normal. I'm so thankful for that.

Anyway, reason I'm writing this is because I felt like comparing my first pregnancy "ritual" to my second pregnancy "ritual". I've been getting a few advises on things I should do or consume to get myself into labour rather soon.

Walking - yes, this is the most famous advise anyone would give. When I was carrying Khairaldin, I walked A LOT! I would rather walk then take the car whenever I was given the chance to do so. However, with this 2nd pregnancy, the only time I have a long walk is during the weekend when we go into town. After my first pregnancy, I didn't get any type of massage to "restructure" my womb. So, this 2nd pregnancy has been rather painful because at 5 months I feel as if baby is down 'there' and ready to come out. I had what they call "low lying placenta" but Alhamdulillah it is not THAT bad. Baby is lower than when I was carrying Khairaldin. Hence the reason why I couldn't do that much walking.

Eat spicy food- I've never heard of this but a sister on FB advised me to do so. The thing is, when I was carrying Khairaldin, I really craved for spicy food. I had spicy food (or sambal belacan) almost every meal. I couldn't resist it. Unfortunately with baby no. 2, I just couldn't. I would suffer from heartburn whenever I consume spicy food. So I didn't dare to have that much spicy food this time around.

Raspberry leaf capsules or tea- This was also mentioned by a friend last night. I was thinking where could I get Raspberry leaf. I forgot that when I was carrying Khairaldin, I did drink Earth Mama Angel Baby Third Trimester tea. I just realised that in the ingredients there is Raspberry leaf and it is one of the best ingredients for pregnancy. Read: Raspberry Leaf has healing and preventative properties which are said to tone the uterus, and improve contractions to facilitate childbirth. Raspberry leaf is also an astringent herb rich in vitamins and minerals important for pregnant women, among them vitamins C, E, A and B complex, and the minerals calcium, phosphorous, manganese, potassium and iron. (Source: Earth Mama Angel Baby). And yeah, this time around I didn't bother to buy or even make the tea. (But today I started drinking it all over again in hopes that baby will make exit soon, Insha'Allah).

So I was just wondering, is it because of these 'rituals' that made Khairaldin's debut 5 days early and baby no.2 come out later? Hmmmm, sometimes you feel that there is no effect to what you're doing until it's showed otherwise. Iskandar on the other hand believes that "different baby is different". It could be mere coincidence that Khairaldin was early since after all he is a much active baby compared to baby no.2. It maybe because his activeness that pushed him out earlier? Hmmmmmmm. Well, let's see what happens in 3rd pregnancy. LOL! Look at me talking about next pregnancy when I'm no where near giving birth to baby no.2! :D

In the end of it all, I believe that Allah has planned everything with baby no 2 (and us all). It's his/her destiny with Allah swt. What they have promised each other before he/she comes out to see the world only 'they' would know. I can keep on guessing like maybeeeeeeeee, he/she is just giving us more time to bond with the big brother? Maybe Allah is giving me extra time to Worship him? or even, maybe I myself am not fully prepared to handle 2 kids at this stage? Only Allah knows. One thing for sure, I've enjoyed the surprise in this pregnancy. It's also taught me that we can plan as much as we want but the end result is from HIM and noone else could change it. :)

So, here's to me counting down for another 14 days in case I have to be induced. In the mean time, do keep us in your du'a, always. <3

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From The Royal Wedding to divorce?????

Yes yes, I KNOW the divorce "news" on Will & Kate is just a rumour. But this entry is somehow inspired by them :)

 Source: Google.com

Alhamdulillah, in my 4 years of marriage, I've heard of so many family and friends getting hitched. It's such a wonderful news. I love marriages! I tear up during every 'akad nikah' (solemnisation) that I have attended (thankfully not that many! Haha), obviously it is tears of happiness. It's such a wonderful event to witness. The families grow bigger, stronger and livelier with their new additions!! Lovely!

Like most of you ladies, I also "attended" The Royal Wedding....from the comfort of my living room, that is. :) Truth be told, I wasn't hyped up about The Royal Wedding prior to it. I thought, meh, I don't even 'know' them to actually look forward to their wedding that much. Somehow, when I switched on the TV and watched the VVVVVIP's arrival, I was so excited about the whole event. Even though it was recorded, I still watched the whole event till the end. I guess what got to me was how 'huge' the wedding was. I was more excited about the people who camped out for The Wedding rather than The Couple. I wasn't that hyped up about the dress/shoes/tiara she will be wearing, I mean it's a Royal Wedding of course she'll be all Princess-like. I was just excited because it was well, a wedding, really.

Source: FashionValet.net

So, as I was watching The Royal Wedding, I kept thinking to myself "why are people so hyped up about this wedding?" I have friends, which are Malaysians by the way, counted down for the wedding. It was fairly reasonable if the Brits were to do it since The Couple will be their King and Queen one fine day. But why is the whole world so carried away about it?? As I was listening to the "reporters" during the wedding ceremony, they were all going on and on about how this is a fairytale wedding. Then it clicked to me, "Oh!!! Everyone (the ladies especially) could relate to this because we were brought up with this fairytale stories. Whereby a "commoner" (like us) will find our Prince Charming and live happily ever after. It's surreal but Kate Middleton showed the "World" that it is possible to live up to the dream. She showed the world that dreams really do come true if you truly believe in it".

Wow! Look at me, I sound like a Disney believer already! :p

Besides the point that we will one day find our Prince Charming, I feel that we have been brainwashed at such a young age on how weddings are supposed to be. In spite of all those wedding ceremonies that I have attended (real life or via Facebook), I have also heard of so many divorces, too many that I couldn't believe it myself. You know how marriages started with all fairytale and you just can't believe that divorces could happen! But reality check, divorces do happen despite of what religion you are.

So, why do people solve the disagreements in their marriage with divorce? There are one too many reasons on why divorce is the solution to this dissolution. No doubt Allah swt have advised us to not end our marriage with divorce. However, HE has also given us a thorough 'manual' on how to divorce if this is the only way out (refer Surah Al Talaq). Yes, Islam discourages divorce but it also recognises it.

When a couple have officially divorced, they are normally being looked at differently by society. To us, divorce is NEVER a solution. But who are we to judge? The Prophet (SalAllahualaihi Wassalam) is narrated to have said: To Allah, mighty is He and majestic, the most hateful of the halal is divorce. (Abu Dawud) So, if Allah the Almighty can accept divorce, why couldn't we?  Sometimes we tend to forget that our FATE to marry or divorce is in Allah's 'hand'. Why is it that we can be happy for newlyweds but when we hear of a divorce, we try to distant ourselves from the couple? This is definitely not the way of Islam. We have to believe that Allah is the only judge no matter what.

Without a doubt, marriages do begin with lots of love and tranquillity. Somewhere along the line, something is bound to change. Kids (especially), carrier, money, boredom etc etc is a reason to why divorces happen. Allah said: If a couple do seperate, Allah will enrich each of them from His boundless wealth. Allah is All-Encompassing, All Wise. (Surah an-Nisa' 4:130) Nowadays, affair seems to be the top of the chart for divorce. Couples choose to settle their marriage with divorce as soon as they hear about their other half's affair. Personally, affair is one thing that I believe could be overcome in marriages especially for Muslim couples. I am not trying to sound like a pro-divorce, that is soooooo far from it. However, I do believe that there is a way to settle marriage disagreements other than "divorce".

I will end my entry here for now, but Insha'Allah in the next few days (if I'm not in labour) I will continue my thoughts on affairs. So please don't take this entry as the end of "Iva the pro divorce". Lol! There is a lot more to what I have to say, Insha'Allah.

To be continued....... Insha'Allah.

MP Ibrahim Ali: "Men have extramarital sex as wives neglect duty"

Normally, I will read the Malaysian tabloids with a pinch of salt. But on Friday, I tried so many other 'seasoning' yet the news still came to me in a rather disgusting, annoying and furious way!! Click on the picture above to read the full article for yourself. Basically, the interview was with a fellow MP who claimed that "Malaysian men have extramarital sex because of 'wives who neglect their responsibilities to their husbands' " That quote in itself could make you upset, yes? Well, when I first read it I didn't expect it to be in a sexual way. I thought what he meant was wives were not fulfilling their husband's needs in so many other ways. As soon as I read further on the article, I got upset and couldn't believe what I was reading.

For starter, this person being interviewed is a Member of Parliament (MP). One would expect MPs to come out with logical and rational statements, right? Personally, I felt his statements were rubbish and definitely uncalled for. In the interview he mentioned husbands driving home from work see things that are sexually arousing and go to their wives to ease their urges. However, wives being wives would prefer to cook rather than fulfill husband's sexual needs. Hence, husband find other people to satisfy their sexual urges. One word: SERIOUSLY?? I would love to know who he has been talking to or whose point of view is he speaking out loud from. Is it his own??? Well, he shouldn't be generalising this situation if his 'audience' is one of his own kind! I am sure there are many other reasons out there on why men have extramarital sex.

Furthermore, he had the cheek to ask the government's religious department to 'educate wives on their responsibilities.' Wow, shocking! I am all out for this 'education' because for argument's sake, those wives that were cooking definitely do not know of their rights and responsibilities in Islam. No where in Islam it states that women should be cooking for their husbands. So, since she was cooking, let's all blame it on her! Blegh.

These type of people make Islam sound like an alienated religion. They are the people who will make people think of negative things about Islam. What was he trying to prove? That Islam is a religion of SEX? If he really do want this 'educating' wives to go on, I think he's just being sexist. Shouldn't the husband get some educating as well?  For instance, couldn't the so called sexually aroused husband wait till the time is right to have sex with the wife? Isn't it obvious in the Quran that one should learn how to be patience? Here's an excerpt that I've managed to look up on patience/sabar in the Quran:

"And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not quarrel with one another lest you should lose courage and your power depart. Be STEADFAST; surely Allah is with those who remain steadfast." Surah Al-Anfal ayat 46
Just wondering though, what will happen during Ramadhan? Or even when the wives are having their monthly period? What will happen then?? Aren't we Mulims taught every once a year to be patience and one of it to resist ourselves from having sexual intercourse during the fasting period? Isn't this something we should try to apply regardless it being a month of Ramadhan or not?

I find it interesting also that he pointed out about man getting sexually aroused on their way back home. What is it that they saw on the roadside for them to have that 'sexual urges'? Let's take it from a more logical point, maybe he meant that there are 'pretty' workmates at the office and that is why they become somewhat aroused. Fair enough. But, instead of educating the wives, shouldn't they be educating the Husbands to lower their gaze?? Or if he really wants the ladies to learn something, shouldn't they be teaching the beauty of Hijab/covering themselves? I'm sure if one cover themselves up this 'sort of urges' won't happen, Insha'Allah.

Last but not least, since he mentioned about men going to 'private places' to fulfill their needs, then, they should really take action on closing these private places. Maybe this way it will teach the Husband to be patient? Husbands should know that their wives are not sex slaves! No doubt that wives duty is to obey the Husband but come on, is it everyday that the Husband comes home with this sexual urges? If that being the case, the Husband should seriously seek some help and no, I don't mean from private places but serious help!

Alright, even though I am quite annoyed with this particular MP, I think I should cut him some slacks and think that the media had quoted him wrongly. If that is the case, I think he should come out clean and apologise to the female society. His statement not only made him sound sexist but also made Islam sound like a very odd religion to be in. The beauty of Islam has definitely loss its face by the statements that he gave! Na'uzubillahiminzalik!
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To hijab or Not to hijab? That's the question....

Alhamdulillah! I love looking at pictures of my friends that are finally hijabi-fied! Heheh Somehow, I have always befriend girls that don't wear hijab. You see, I have been wearing the headscarf since I was probably 9 or 10 years old. Reason I say headscarf is because at that time I wasn't covering myself up as a true hijabi, if that makes any sense. I was the girl who wears headscarf with short sleeved top/skin tight attire. When I was in high school, I tried to loosen and lengthen my clothing. I started wearing headscarf because my Mom had trained me to do so. Even when I was in primary school she made sure I wore kurung and headscarf. After school, I was reminded to donned the headscarf when I want to go out and play with my friends even if it was in front of our house. Alhamdulillah, I am lucky to have my Mom to protect me since I was small. Even though I wasn't sure of why I was wearing it, I felt comfortable wearing it amongst my friends. They didn't judge me for my headscarf nor did I judge them for their 'free hair'.

Along the years, my Mom started educating me more about hijab. She taught me why girls have to cover themselves. Finally I understood the meaning of hijab for definite. I always thought to myself, why is it that girls do not wear hijab if it is 'wajib' upon us to wear it? I dare not ask any of my friends why they do not wear the hijab. I had friends who tried to wear the hijab but every now and then they'll go back to their 'free hair' days. Never did I have the guts to question their actions. To be honest, my close friends are mostly non hijabis however, our friendship still remained regardless of our appearances.

Recently when I was in Malaysia, my best friend asked me, "Iva, you have been wearing headscarf ever since I could remember. Why is it that you never forced/asked me to wear the headscarf too?" My answer to her was "Tasha, I believe that one fine day Allah will open your mind and heart when HE thinks you are ready to wear hijab. Maybe the reason you are my bestfriend is because HE wants you to see how my life as a hijabi has been so far and to learn from it. Personally, I don't even know how to advise you on wearing the hijab because I don't want to advise you the wrong way and put you off hijab straight away." As per the hadith narrated Abu Musa that when Allah's Messenger salallahualaihiwasalam sent him and Mu'adh bin Jabal to Yemen, he said to them, "Make things easy for the people(treat the people in the most agreeable easy way), and do not make things difficult for them, and give them glad tidings, and do not repel them(i.e TO MAKE THE PEOPLE HATE GOOD DEEDS AND TO RUN AWAY FROM ISLAM), and you should both work in cooperation and mutual understanding, obey each other." [Sahih Bukhari] She understood my point and agreed that she was not ready to wear the hijab yet. No doubt she's been thinking about it but she just doesn't feel fully ready to wear the hijab.

I've never looked or acted differently with people who don't wear the hijab. Personally, I know how hard it is to be a hijabi. Realise how I used headscarf at the beginning? This was because at that time I wasn't dressed as how we are asked to in the Al-Quran:

• "And enjoin believing women to cast down their looks and guard their private oarts and not reveal their adronment except that which is revealed of itself, and to draw their viels over their bosoms................"(Al-Nur:31) 
• O Prophet! Say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the faithful to draw their outergarments (jilbabs) close around themselves; that is better that they will be recognized and not molested. Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Al-Ahzab:59)

Like I said, I was still wearing inappropriate clothing for a while even though I was already wearing a headscarf. So for a non hijabi who wants to become a hijabi, they really need to change a lot. For starters, they need to see if their wardrobe are fully hijab friendly ie; modest clothing. If not, they would have to revamp and start from scratch and this of course incurs money. But hey, if there's a will there's always a way, Insha'Allah.

The reason I have never asked my friends about hijab is because I don't feel I am ready to reason out with them at that time. I wouldn't want them to question me and they won't get the answer that they need. Alhamdulillah now that I know why and how important it is for us to wear the hijab, I welcome questions from anyone regarding hijab. I have had people asking me how I could possibly wear a hijab in Sunny Malaysia, but of course the most famous question is, why do I even have to wear hijab (this of course came from my friends in the UK). Since I have searched and been bombarded with these questions, I can finally answer them with confidence and not give the 'because my Mom asked me to and it states in the Quran'. I have also had experience on wearing it and befriend people who don't, I know what's the difference of being a hijabi and non hijabi have towards the society.

So, if any of you are thinking of wearing the hijab, first ask yourself, why are you wanting to wear it? How important it is to wear it? How would it affect your lifestyle if you were to wear it? Ask yourself or discuss with others if you are having doubts, Insha'Allah, HE will guide you through it once you have set your mind for it. I am sure most of us girls' are scared that we won't look pretty if we were to wear the hijab, again, keep asking yourself, would Allah-our own creator make us look like a fool/unpretty? If you yourself were to do anything, wouldn't you give the best output to it? Of course you would want people to be impressed with your good work, right? So again, would Allah, our creator want us to look ugly when HE has planned everything way carefully and perfectly?? The answer is, ABSOLUTELY NOT! Don't hesitate to ask questions. Talking and sharing your thoughts with others will Insha'Allah broaden your mind more. Don't just leave your thoughts to the side. In the end of the day, Allah swt will help you through it, regardless!

Pantang schmantang! :D

Famous question: "how do you 'pantang' in the UK?"

11 days after delivery.....

I have been getting this question quite a lot lately- confinement in the UK. Or as the Malays(ians) would call it 'pantang'. Let me tell you that this entry may seem like I am an anti pantang lady but truth is, I am not an anti-pantang larang lady. In fact, I'm all out for it because it gives the Mother time to recuperate and get back on their feet. It really is very helpful to confine yourself for a while because it's not easy to sort things out whilst caring for the baby and yourself. So yes, confinement is indeed good for post natal. The thing that gets to me is when people try very hard to impose unreasonable 'pantang' because 'it was pass down from our ancestors'. There are things that we should strongly do and there are also those that we have to leave behind because it only causes further burden to the mother and/or baby.

There are a few pantang that Malays(ians) impose onto newly Mom's. The pantang starts straight after delivery up to 40-100 days. It 'concentrates' on aspects such as food, drinks, the way they walk, sit, sleep, bathe etc etc. Basically every single thing newly moms do is being scrutinised. I am sure there are reasons behind the dos and don't's. I mean, I strongly agree that mothers should eat proper food to help with breastfeeding. The food Mothers eat really do help with production of breastmilk. So go ahead and eat healthily!

Here are the pantang that I feel is rather inappropriate:

1) Sleeping in separate beds with husband for 40 days or more.
To me, there shouldn't be any reason at all to sleep in separate beds with Hubby once you are married. Separating yourself from Hubby is as bad as separation. So, it's best to be there for the Husband/Wife all the time. The birth of a child shouldn't make your life with Husband any more complicated. :)

2) Shouldn't have a bath straight after delivery. 
In Islam, we should always keep our self, home and everything around us clean and tidy. After delivery, there will be an awful lots of blood flowing and really it is not clean and hygienic to let it 'stay there'. In the UK, mothers are asked to have their bath as soon as they deliver to clean themselves. Yes it hurts but it's also for the Mother's own good. If you are given the chance to have for your bath, go straight in the toilet, run the shower and niat 'mandi Wiladah', it is not a must on you, but it's best to do something with a niat.--- full explanation here. You will feel more comfortable, clean and ready to get on with the day once you have had your bath. Once you've started feeding and caring for the baby, you won't know when's the next free time you have. So, whilst the baby is still sleeping and getting used to the surrounding, have your bath and clean yourself.

3) No to iced water!
Until today, I'm still not sure why we can't drink iced water after delivery. Anyone care to explain? Coz in the UK, the only drink we are given straight after delivery is cold iced water! No such thing as warm water. And I asked the Midwife if it's ok, apparently according to her, it helps with the blood. Which is rather weird.

4) Clothe yourself with as much clothes as you can. 
Ok only exaggerating, but basically when you are in the confinement period, Malays(ians) believe that it's better if you wear cardigan over your t-shirt, with a long pants or sarong and also socks. Personally to me, being in too much clothing only makes me uncomfortable and restless. When I gave birth to Khairaldin, I had a hard time breastfeeding him because he just wouldn't wake up for milk. Then he had jaundice and my milk wasn't properly produced. I was advised by the midwife, nurses etc not to wear any clothes and to put him on my chest. It's called the skin-to-skin technique where he was more comfortable and can smell my skin. So I did as I was told. Alhamdulillah, he instantly 'looked' for milk. From then on breastfeeding was a brezze for the both of us.

5) Not to go out of the house during confinement period.
But apparently going to the doctors fot check ups is ok? The first question my midwife asked me when Khairaldin got back home was, "have you brought him out for a walk etc?" "You can't lock him in the house for long because when you start bringing him out, his antibody might not be immuned to the surrounding." And my reaction was YEAY!! Which mother would want to stay in a place for a long long time? 2 days is long enough! So hearing those advice from my midwife made me jump out of bed and straight out of the house. Fresh air from outside is very much needed at this point in time.

I think that's about the only pantang that I am not too keen of. I'm not judging those who follow each and every pantang. By all means, it's a personal choice so do whatever suits you the most. However, it is when I am being judged for not doing what is supposed to be tradition that annoys me. Following tradition blindly could cause us to sway from our already prefect religion. It is best to weigh things first before attempting to do it. Insha'Allah, Allah will guide us through the righteous path if our intention is to do so.

Human beings are different in so many ways and it's difficult to impose a certain 'way of life' onto them. I mean come on, even the Quran states what we should and shouldn't do but it's not that we follow it as we are supposed to. Hence, imposing tradition onto someone who could not fathom the idea will only upset them. Like I said, most traditions were passed down from our ancestors so, maybe at that time those traditions were relevant but in this modernised time it may not make sense anymore. Respect others for their personal choice. :)