Of being a Muslimah in Malaysia and the UK

A few weeks ago, I received a Facebook msg from one of my readers (Sister Naz). In her PM, she asked "how did u overcome living in a non muslim country from a muslim country? i would like to know more." Having read her PM only then I realised I have never spoken about my migration to the UK. So, sister Naz, if you don't mind, I'm sharing this response in my blog.

Normally, when I come across new people in the UK they will always ask me "how long have you been in the UK?" And of course, my answer changes every day, so for today the answer will be "8 years, 9 months and .... days" Yup, I can get it that precise because the date I first entered the UK is a memorable date and whenever I have to fill in documents in the UK, they will ask me that question. Want it or not, I have to know the exact period I've been here! Some might feel that 8 years is such a long time but to me, I've still not had enough of the UK. I have to say that my day in and out routine in the UK is monotonous and somewhat boring to some. It's always, wake up, get Khairaldin ready, bla bla bla bla (u don't really wanna know) and so on, it's the same everyday! But I never get bored of it. I feel the day seems quicker if I have the same routine because I can do it like a pro. :D When I have new things to accomplish, I feel like it's a drag coz I don't know when it's going to end. I'm sure some of you might have an opposite view altogether.

UK, as compared to Malaysia is a peaceful and quiet place to live in. They don't have those 24 hours 7 days a week shops to waste your precious time at. I feel rather tired everytime I go back to Malaysia because life begins after 11pm, unlike in the UK, I'm in bed by 11. So I have better things to do in the morning and not feel lethargic and lazy instead. I have always been an introvert person that's why I can live in the UK.

As for the question about living in a non-muslim country, truthfully, I've never taken that question into consideration... maybe because I have never came across it before. Personally to me, I don't think Malaysia as an Islamic country so there's no difference in that aspect. No doubt I learnt more about Islam in Malaysia but education in Malaysia is all about theory rather than practice. We learn and learn things but hardly ever put them into practise. We were asked to memorise this and that du'as which we will do it for the exams and once it's done, it's being forgotten.

In the UK however, I mix around with a lot of non-muslims. My passion for Islam grew even more when I came to the UK. Reason is because people are rather intrigued with the things we Muslims do hence they ask loads of questions. Sometimes I just don't have the answers in hand to give them. When I started college, my mates bombarded me with questions about hijab, Halal food, muslim women etc etc. Sometimes I just could not answer them. This then made me want to learn more about why I do the things I do. Of course most of the time I answer "because my religion tells me to/because it's in our Holy book (Al-Quran)" but this isn't the answer they want to hear. Heck, even I find that answer rather inappropriate and as if I'm bashing my religion! So I had to re-learn about Islam to make myself satisfied. Thankfully my parents packed me some easy-to-understand books on Islam, prayers and so forth. I started reading slowly and Alhamdulillah, now I managed to give them answers that made them satisfied and not leave them blank.

Even though I am able to answer their questions, I did not stop learning about Islam. When I got married, my life changed even more. Having a husband makes u think about the religion even more. Some famous wedding vows almost always ends with "till death do us apart!" but I always think, how can that be? We are married for years and what will happen to us after we die?? Does our relationship ends there and then? No, in Islam, husband and wife will carry on living together even in the 'after life'. So I became more passionate about Islam and wanting to know how I can maintain this love and relationship. I suppose you can now guess why I became more "Islamic" ever since I gave birth to Khairaldin? My heart not only grew for the people I love but mostly for my beautiful religion- Islam! I don't want my love and hardwork ends in this world but I would rather bring it over to the hereafter. That is why I'm working extra hard to learn about Islam so that I will live happily in the hereafter, Insha'Allah.

The knowledge about Islam doesn't end because of where you live or planning to live. In fact, if you plan to migrate with the intention of getting closer to Allah swt, Insha'Allah, your heart will tend to open and accept HIM. It is good to go from one place to the other to broaden our knowledge. The only thing is to always make sure that our intention is to do it for Allah swt. Here's a hadith that I came across: `Umar ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "The reward of deeds depends upon intentions, and every person will get his reward according to what he has intended. So, [for] whoever emigrated for Allah and His Messenger, his emigration was for Allah and His Messenger. And [as for] whoever emigrated for worldly benefits or for a woman to marry, his emigration was for what he had emigrated for" (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

No matter where you are, Insha'Allah, HE will always be there to guide you to the right path. Remember to seek HIS guidance when in doubt as HE loves those who seeks HIM! Never will the Jews or the Christians be satisfied with thee unless thou follow their form of religion. Say: "The Guidance of Allah,-that is the (only) Guidance." Wert thou to follow their desires after the knowledge which hath reached thee, then wouldst thou find neither Protector nor helper against Allah (Surah Al-baqarah verse 120). So, don't be afraid to move to a non muslim country, make sure your intention is to be closer to Allah swt always. Who knows with you being the minority could lead to the place being a better one. Insha'Allah!
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Smacking a child for disciplining?

When it comes to 'parenting styles', every Mommies feel as if they know everything about being a parent and that their style is the right style. I am guilty of that too! Even with only one child I feel as if I "know" how to raise all children that comes my way. That's the problem with us, we sometimes forget that every individual is different therefore we get a lot of different parenting styles out there. So really, there is no right or wrong way when bringing up a child. One mother can choose to either let their baby play in the garden without any mat whilst the other is protective and against letting their baby to even touch the grass. Given this situation, both mothers would cringe at one another for doing such a thing. Who's there to tell them that they are doing it wrong? Noone. Bringing up a child should be something both mother and father are comfortable with. One cannot force the other to follow suit just because she's doing it that way.

Disciplining your child is your responsibility, parents. Both parents have a say on how to raise their child. Mothers have an exceptionally more 'power' to say or do what's best for their child because they are built to be physically and emotionally understanding towards their child's wants and needs. For example, when a baby is just born, they are very dependant on their mother. When the baby cries, the mother would instantly carry them and either feed, change diaper or even just cuddle the baby. Mothers spend more time with the child to know the needs of their child.

So, when it comes to disciplining the child it is obvious that mothers have more influence in moulding them into a good ummah. Being a mother holds a lot of responsibility. Mothers would normally have to neglect themselves first in order to make sure the child is in good mood.... for the whole day! It is not an easy job. In my case, more often than not, I will be awaken by the smell of Khairaldin's poop every morning. Going to the toilet to wash him up first before myself, is a normal daily routine for me. Of course since he's poop-ed he would then need to be filled up. Getting the chance to brush my teeth first thing in the morning is highly impossible nowadays. When mothers have to neglect so many things in their life, it is normal to sometimes feel frustrated and just snap at the silliest things. Even though I make it sound as if Mothers are of a different species with super powers, we really are still normal human beings. So we might react to certain things before thinking twice. For instance, we might get fed up of telling a child for the third time to stop doing the same mistakes and might just resort to 'beating/smacking' the child whilst at the same time repeating ourselves for the fourth time! It's just a spontaneous reaction on us human being. We think we are so perfect that everything has to fall into place there and then. But that's wrong.

Beating or smackinga child to discipline them is definitely out of the contacts of disciplining. That would be one 'style' that I would not recommend parents to do if I ever come across parents who does it. I am not talking about a smack in the hand. This is more of a full swing or even a slap. How would a child understand that being smacked means they have to behave? The child for one is hurting and would definitely not listen anymore after being hit. They would be too focused on the pain to actually listen any further. So, if you feel the need to hit the child for the same mistake, stop and think again! The first hit they supposedly deserved didn't make an impact, so why go for another next time? The best way is to reason out with the child why they should not be doing such a thing, it is also better if we could start from young to include any Islamic values into it. For example, if the child does not tidy up after playing, explain to them that Allah loves Muslim to be a clean and tidy person. Teaching and constantly reminding them about Allah will make them grow up loving the religion even more and also into a successful being, Insha'Allah. No doubt some children can comprehend straight away but some are just there to test our patience. There's a reason why Allah said that "patience is half of Imaan" and of course the other half is gratitude when things do fall into place. So, good things really do come to those who wait. Keep trying to reason out with children even before trying to lift your hand to smack them. Insha'Allah this will only make them a good person.

To be continued......... Insha'Allah.

Pictures courtesy of google.

Pride and joy in life!

This is such a great reminder for all of us!

"O you who believe! Let not your riches or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. If any act thus, the loss is their own." [Surah Al-Munafiqun, verse 8]

I was just trying to minimise my status update about Khairaldin a few days ago, and the above ayat came up on one of the groups that I liked on Facebook. If you follow me on Facebook you'll see how my status would always always include Khairaldin's name. No doubt being a parent is such a joy in life! But sometimes, we take it for granted. I remember when after my confinement, I was really contemplating how to juggle being a Wife, Mom and Allah's servant all at the same time??! It's so impossible, so I thought. Alhamdulillah, eventually I've learnt how to actually satisfy our Creator and also my beloved family. I believe that if Allah comes first in our life, everything after that will come easily and naturally. I believe so because whenever I delay my prayers, I always feel as if there's something incomplete. As much as I want things to get done quicker, it gets even tougher. But once my prayers and duty to Allah has been managed, I feel everything is beyond my reach.

Yes, we as parents we do want great things for our kids in this life. We are proud to see their achievement in this life, no doubt! So we start to run errands for them, sending them to the best school or academic etc etc. Those are what make life hectic! The wants and needs for Dunya. It is good to want the best for our child, that's for sure. However, wouldn't it be such a waste of time, energy and effort when we've done all that but hereafter they are left with nothing at all? How are they going to 'face' the creator by saying that they've achieved so much in the 'life before' that can be counted as such good deeds for the 'life after'?

My parents have taught me a lot. They're not the kind that would send us to such superb tuition etc. But one thing for sure, they actually had a personal Ustaz for us so that we learn how to at least be a good Ummah, Insha'Allah. Before I had Khairaldin I always thought, "what a life I've got! Everyone is so rich and famous and I'm nowhere near." Alhamdulillah. Now I can see why my parents bring us up in such moderate life. We didn't get the chance to do our own shopping until we earned our own money. I can see that my parents have invested an awful LOT to bring us up to be a great Ummah. Now I know that they didn't bring us shopping because they used the money to get us private Ustaz to teach us the Quran. Alhamdulillah!!!! That means so much more to me now. At least I still remember the Ustaz that made me Khatam the Al-Quran. If those money were used for shopping instead, I bet I wouldn't even remember what I have bought with all that money!!

As much as I'm proud (I'll try and use this word loosely now) of my child(ren), I know there's only one thing that will make them appreciate us more, bringing them up as a great Ummah! I wouldn't want them to turn around and say, "Mom, why didn't you ever teach me about my religion??" Nauzubillahiminzalik. Having read that Ayat, it made me realise that Allah knew that we parents are going to turn up to be very boastful about our child and might forget him, so he's wrote this reminder down in the Holy book and I think it's best for us to share with all. Insha'Allah.
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Confessions of a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM)

Getting the chance to be a SAHM is definitely the greatest gift in life. I have always been thankful for the chance given to me to see my li'l man grow. I'm not trying to be in-your-face-you-have-to-work and I don't kinda person! Every opportunity given to each one of us is definitely precious and meaningful.

At times, I do feel as if I'm missing something in this life. Like, something is still incomplete.

Khairaldin has only just turned one a few weeks ago. He's trying new things especially walking/stepping. I know some Mommies who might miss out on their child's development because they have no choice but to work (be it for financial stuff or contracts). To say I don't miss working is definitely not true. I have been working since I was 21 years old. I've met a few people along the way. Yes, I hate waking up in the morning and having to follow schedules that's why I chose to stay home until today. But sometimes, I feel that my mind is under stimulated. I don't have to do that much thinking because what's there to do? Changing diaper and breastfeeding Khairaldin is something I can do with my eyes half open! Literally. LOL! Having a job will make you think on your feet and you have to use up your brain neurons. It's fun, till certain extent!

Just like SAHM, there are certain things that are really interesting. Heck, everytime he's awake, we are always on a lookout. That's very interesting. But when he naps, that's utter boredom. I know he's only 1 and there's more to come. I guess when he is in the phase of wanting to talk, read etc, I'd find being a SAHM even more exciting. Because at that time, they tend to nap less. So more time to spend until it's proper bedtime.

I've decided that I wanna do something different with my life. I don't want a 9-5am job but at the same time I don't want a part-time 'cashier' sorta job that students in Uni would take up for their pocket money. I don't mind being a volunteer as long as I can go out and take a breather. I've always wanted to be in the community more. Like, Islamic parenting community. I know what I want but I make one too many excuses to just not budge!

Khairaldin is really good with routines. He wakes up and go to sleep on schedule. It's when he's in bed that my mind start to wander, what else can I do?

I've listed down things I wanted to do before I conceived Khairaldin but now it's not relevant. I don't have the same passion as I had before. There are new things in his and my life that I want to achieve. I am 25 years old and I think there's so much more to life than this. I'm not going after big ££££££ here, no. All I want is more knowledge so I can bring him up to be a better person and Ummah.

I am the type that would let my baby free and explore this world on his own but, when it comes to religion, I think that both Iskandar and I have to guide him through. I don't mind if his not an A++++ student as long as he enjoys this life his living. But fun stuff could lead to sin and that's why I want to teach him more about religion than actually teaching him 1+1=2. To be honest, my knowledge about Islam is so limited that I am not sure how to answer if he comes to me and ask questions. My Mom is the best when reasoning things out within Islamic laws, but who knows how long she'll be around to help me with educating my child? It's time for me to step up and out to gain more knowledge about Islam! I don't need expensive stuff to get through this life, all I need is to know that I'll be leaving behind an alim child(ren). Insha'Allah.

Suffice to say, I still wanna be a SAHM because I want to teach my child(ren) how perfect this religion actually is. And I know, before trying to teach, I myself have to know the beauty of this religion. Insha'Allah. I pray that Allah will give me the chance to learn and teach even if it's only to my child(ren). Ameen!!!
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Choices in life...

Credits: Google.com

Everyday in our life we ought to make a choice. From the moment we wake up we've already made a choice by choosing to wake up. Then it comes to whether we should shower, what clothes to wear etc etc. It's impossible to not choose at all in a day. Making a choice in our everyday life give us the feeling of ownership. After all, the word in itself means 'power, right and liberty'. Before making a decision one should have a plan in order to make it work. Prophet (peace be upon him) once said "there is no intelligence like planning." Of course when you have made a decision and feel the ownership, you would feel that you've accomplished something without having to listen to anyone else.

Ever since I gave birth to Khairaldin I have been the decision maker on how to bring him up. I was the one who chose to cloth diped him, babywear him and last but obviously not least, breastfeed him till he's 2 years old, Insha'Allah. Obviously, I consult Iskandar first to make sure he's okay with the decisions I make. Before I consult him, I prefer to list the pros and cons to him so that he can see my point of view. This has worked well for us. We make the choices and feel great when it's all accomplished. If we make a decision and feel rather unhappy about it, that's maybe because we don't own the choice. So we abandoned it.

Anyway, I chose to blog fairly recently only because I wanted to share my experience as a newly Mom and Wife. As you can see my entries are mostly about parenting and relationship. So when I write, it's all from my personal experiences and thoughts. Viewers could either like it or hate it, for all I care. However, when I write my entries, never have I had the intention to sound cocky, high up and everything negative. I always write with a POSITIVE energy and mindset. Like all my entries, I would like it to relate to Islam in such a way because it is difficult to get info on Islamic parenting and relationship on the web. Since internet is THE form of communication nowadays, I thought I might as well write something so that people can read up on it. There is also a Hadith from Al-Bukhari: Prophet (peace be upon him) stated "Convey from me, even if it be one ayah." and also another from At-Tirmidhi: "Whoever points in the direction of goodness shall be (in reward) like those who act upon it." Speaking of which, I was really grateful to know that some people looked up a few keywords on google about Islamic parenting and they ended up on my blog. Alhamdulillah. I'm really glad to know that and it only makes me wanna read more and blog about it. Insha'Allah, I will continue to do just that :)

Back to my point, my entries are all meant to be positive, unless it's a personal rant which I go through once in a blue moon. And obviously I won't relate anything Islamic to my rants! Haha It's ok, you'll know when I'm ranting because I'll let you know before hand to not waste your time reading it. Of course being a writer or blogger you can't expect everyone to like your entry. You'd be incredibly great writer if you can win everyone's heart. I have always been ready for criticism, because I'm not a qualified writer. However, when people have the rare idea about me trying to show off about my life, that's just ridiculous! I think when you read a blog, you have to set a mindset to it since you can't hear how it's being delivered. Even if the writer writes it in a positive way and you seem to have a negative mindset, that's just you not the writer. Some people might think that I am bragging about getting the chance to breastfeed my child till he's 11 months and counting. Personally, it's a choice! If you feel a negative energy from my writing all I can say is that, you had a choice and you definitely did not own up to your choice. That is why you feel everything everyone else do is wrong!

I for one do not follow the norm. So, that might even get some people's panties twisted because I chose to be different. My point is, you have a choice in this life you live in, if you choose to do something, make sure you own up to it! You can know that you are not owning up to your choices when you have a defensive attitude about people who do things differently to you. Don't ever judge someone for the choices they make but in fact, try to know why they make the choices in the first place. If you really can't grasp their idea, don't comment on it!

So, keep reading if you want to but do it with a positive mind and heart. :)

Part 3: Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic traditions

** Part 3 of Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic traditions

"This whole world is an enjoyment, and its best enjoyment is a righteous wife."[Hadith Muslim]

Weddings are meant to be an occasion of real rejoicing and joy for the couple themselves and the whole community. I say meant because, somewhere along the way it had become a rather stressful and nerve wrecking event. So what makes wedding so stressful? The stress and nerve wrecking situation happens because of the extravagance and the violation of the Islamic code of conduct. The terrible competitiveness between the hosts and guests to have an extravagant wedding makes it impossible to plan a rather perfect wedding for the "people's eye". We want everything to seem perfect in dunyaa that we have forgotten to realise the purpose of Shari'ah being revealed. Shari'ah is always revealed with a purpose and its main purposes are to preserve religion, life and health, family and lineage, intellect and property. Within the Shari'ah it is possible for people to have genuine joy and fulfilment. The rejection of Shari'ah would lead to misery, ill-health, bankcruptcy, being forgotten and despised in old age and desperate death, if not in this world then it would be in the hereafter. The punishment we'll get hereafter is beyond one's imagination.

I don't know if I've mentioned this in my previous posts but there may be people who will say "Well, we do not place importance on these rites nor do we think they are significant. We only carry them out to please either the wife/husband, father/mother, relatives, children". If there are people who would say such a thing then it's up to the wise and intelligent members of the family to educate the rest on the violation of the Shari'ah. Some may accept straight away to dismiss the rites and traditions but some might put a fight and insist on having them on the wedding day. The question is, isn't this rebellious attitude an indication of how important such rites are to them? Many of us would think that omission of any of the rites mentioned simply would NOT be a wedding.

Below are some of the Indian rituals that have been famously incorporated in Malay Muslim's weddings.

Wedding party (reception)

The Vivaha (a book of Hindus on marriage customs) explains that on the wedding day, the groom with his friends and relatives goes to the house of the bride on a conveyance suited to his status. In the past, the elephants were recommended for Princes and the rich, nowadays they are replaced by Rolls Royce or Merc etc. On arrival, the groom stands outside the gate of the house facing east and is welcomed by a company of women (the bride's family/relatives).

There are those who go to certain extent by either hiring cars or even buying new cars just for the reception. The better the car, apparently, the better your status is. However, if we follow the Quran and Shari'ah, this only means exhibitionism and gross extravagance. The Quran carries a terrible warning for such behaviour. Here's an excerpt I researched that suits the said situation; "Believer! Do not nullify your acts of charity by stressing your benevolence and causing hurt as does he who spends his wealth only to be seen by people and does not believe in Allah and the Last Day. The example of his spending is that of a rock with a thin coating of earth upon it: when a heavy rain smites it, the earth is washed away, leaving the rock bare; such people derive no gain from their acts of charity. Allah does not set the deniers of the Truth on the Right Way." (Al-Baqarah:264)

Obviously those who have adopted 'non-Islamic' rites in marriage, indulge in extravagant expenses up to the point where financial loans are necessary. We know how detestable it is to loan with interest etc. So it's best if we could spend according to what we could afford. Insha'Allah.

Offering gifts (Hantaran/wedding presents)

'Hantaran' on it's own is already known as a form of exhibitionism. I remember about 15 years ago when my brother got married, his hantaran was mostly food (for the families) and clothing. But now, the more 'hantaran' you give, the superior you'll appear. People would stand closely and thoroughly examine each and every gift given on that day way before the bride/groom gets a chance to. And expressions such as "WOW!! That LV (or insert any designer names) handbag must've cost him a bomb!!" "She gave him an iPad for his hantaran???? Ohh, I must get that for mine too." Everyone will compare and wanting the same or more for their day just because others have done it.

Iskandar and I had hantaran too. My Mom didn't like the idea of hantaran as it's such a waste of money and just annoying to decorate it etc etc. During my sis' wedding, she didn't have any hantaran. So on mine, we just bought nice boxes and put the 'gifts' in the box and not let anyone see it but the groom's family when they have brought it home. We didn't know there was a session whereby you had to say what was being presented. Since my Uncle was the spokesperson, he didn't have any idea what was in the boxes either. So he just settled by saying "I'm sure you will like and appreciate what ever is presented to you in these boxes, Insha'Allah". It is good to give presents, no doubt, as Aishah (Radhi Allahu Anha) said, the Messenger of Allah (Salallahu Alaihi Wassalam) is reported to have said, "Give presents to one another, for a present removes hatred." (Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud)

However, the concept is wrong when people give the present in a great show to an extent of wrapping it in transparent paper (or not wrapping it). The recipient will also make a note of who gave what so that in future they know what to give in return (depending how much it costs). Instead of an honest and wholehearted gift, people are exchanging presents either because they received something from the past or expects something in the future. The barakah and love one may hope to get is lost because either the receiver finds it a burden to 'reply' in future or even the giver will silently suffer until he receives a gift similar to the one he gave.

There are also in some communities whereby the presents (usually money) are being kept by the parents because to them, the bride has only received them because the parents had given them in the past. So these people treat their daughters as if they are their financial assets. Like in my case, I willingly let my parents have all the money because I didn't fork out anything for the reception. So, it's only fair since they paid for all of it. It's best to ask if the bride/groom need the money as they might need it for their journey to start a family soon.

Blessing the couple

The Hindu tradition orders that the assembled guests and relatives bless the bride/couple: the women stroke their fingers over the heands and faces of the couple, reciting some verses over them and then cracking their fingers against their own heads. Alright, we Malays don't really do this kind of things but the idea of merenjis is definitely from this tradition, right? The Paraskara Grhya Sutra also guides that after having blessed the couple the guest must go back to their seats/home. So, that's so much like the merenjis event in our culture.

Most of the Hindu ceremonies are symbolic. Some of the classes symbolises union and others in desire to promote fertility or to assure abundance of food for the household. Some ceremonies are also to ward off danger and evil spirited. Sadly, MOST of the Indians rituals are adopted in Muslim weddings. I'm sure you'd think, what's wrong with promoting, fertility etc etc, the point here is, a prayer/do'a for the couple is sufficient enough. One doesn't have to go such extremes to give well wishes to the couple or family members. We must constantly compare and contrast our practices with those ordained by the Glorious Quran and the Sunnah. Follow what is right and reject what is outside the bounds of Islam. Allah says in the Quran: Verily, this is My Way, Leading straight: follow it: Follow not (other) paths: They will scatter you about From His great Path: Thus He commands you, That you may be righteous. (Al An'am:153)

Suffice to say, the event mentioned above have now became a highly exhibitionist one wherein family members try to out-perform one another in expectation on applause from the other guests. Nauzubillahi Minzalik. Since now we know that most of the traditions came from other religions, wouldn't it be nice if we were to dismiss them and follow our Prophet's teachings? Why not we start to invite people to join us in the sane and noble way of Islam rather than we trade our Islam for their disastrous way of life? That's a thought for us all. :)

I'll end this entry here by saying, Allah knows best!!! I also pray that we will all assist each other and take heed of the great counsel from the ayah of Quran and the Sunnah so that in the life hereafter we join and stand with the people of the Ummah of the Prophet Muhammad (Salallahu Alaihi Wassalam). Amin!

Patience is about trusting and believing in Allah's plan :)

~Alhamdulillah Iskandar managed to get scholarship for his tuition fees!~

Before he enrolled for the course we're living on a month to month basis. We had some savings but were saving up for our trip back to Malaysia, supposedly in June 2010. When my Dad told him about this Masters course, it's like he couldn't resist it and had to enrol for it. So reluctantly, I said ok for him to use the savings as we had enough money for the down payment. However, his total fees is £6200 we didn't think about how to get the rest of the money but insisted that he has to enrol for this intake. Along the way, we managed to ask people on how to get scholarships.

Since he's doing Masters in Islamic Banking, Finance and Management it's easier to get funds because it is considered as an Islamic studies course.
The thing about Islamic studies, there are always organisations that would willingly pay for Islamic related courses. So basically, we could get money from Zakat or other organisations that get donations from people for this type of situation (low-income). Alhamdulillah, we contacted an organisation and waited for agesss for them to reply. His determination was still there to finish up this course even though we haven't paid full fees. Also thanks to Markfield Institute for being rather laid back about students paying tuition fees to them. They're not pushy or wanting the money ASAP. From one term to another they'll wait for us to send the money. Alhamdulillah, after Iskandar's 2nd term, we got a reply from the organisation willing to pay the FULL fees. This happened just few weeks back and in time for Iskandar to concentrate for his final exams!!! Alhamdulillah.

The wait was well worth it! Even though it was a long time. Like I said, patience is all about trusting and believing in Allah's plan. We have worked hard and the least we could do was tawakal and yes, HE listens to our prayer and answers it when HE thinks the time is right. Alhamdulillah!!!

Since we've got extra money to spend now, seeing we don't have to pay any further fees, we have decided to go back to Malaysia from Sept - Oct!!!!! Insha'Allah. Khairaldin will be 1 year 4 months by then and we think it's about time we bring him back to visit the relatives and his long list of cousins! We're very excited coz it's been 1 year+ since our last trip. I was 6 weeks pregnant when we're last in Malaysia. So, we deserved this holiday.

I'm starting my long list of places to go and visit. I don't really wanna be in KL for the whole 1 month coz it's just too boring. So at the moment, we have Kelantan and Pangkor on our list of places. Would love some recommendations from all of you. Since it's the Monsoon season, I don't think we can do much. But we really can't wait any longer and think it's time we visit Malaysia! :) After all, I think this is gonna be our final visit for a very long long time because I'm planning to go for holiday else where next year. Kinda had enough of Malaysia but because my in laws are still there, we have to go back and visit once in a while :). With the money we have to spend to go to Malaysia, we can actually go to Morocco or somewhere we've never visited. Whilst Khairaldin is still small, I think it's best we bring him travel around (the world? Hehe) Insha'Allah. :)

So friends, you know who you are, you girls are definitely on my list of people I MUST visit! I'm excited to meet all of you again and this time with my baby tagging along. Please pray that everything goes smoothly from today onwards. Amin!!
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Final part: Islam is a religion FOR planning!

Salaam.

This entry is longgggggg overdue! It is a continuation for this and this entries. I'm so sorry for being a procrastinator. I've been doing a lot of reading and get really excited and if possible want to share it with all of you straight away! So that's why I keep changing from topic to topic. I try to accommodate my writings to readers preference. Insha'Allah. If you all have any topic in mind at all, do give a shoutout so I can do research on it. Insha'Allah.

Just for the record, I'm doing some reading on home schooling. As soon as I finish the Wedding entries, I will get started on the 'home schooling' entries :) In case some of you are eager to know, the books I'm reading are supporting home schooling to such an extent! I'm not planning to home school Khairaldin but these bookS are making it too appealing! *Stay tuned* But please bear with me as in between those 'educational' entries, there will be stories of my precious baby boy. It's something I would want him to look back and read through. Insha'Allah.

So, moving on. Here's the excerpt from the book regarding children's right to sleeping arrangement. 'The child has the right to have an independent or separate sleeping arrangement. This comes from Prophet's saying: "Instruct your children in praying at age seven, punish them if they fail [to practice] at age ten; and let them sleep separately from one another" Authenticated by Ahmad Ibn Hanbal. The sleeping arrangement will be a separate room, a separate corner, a separate bed/mat for each child (especially during adolescence).

There is a dilemma in this regard that has to be mitigated. The average size of a Muslim family is 6-7 children. How many families can afford to provide separate sleeping arrangements for them?'

Basically, here it shows that family planning is permissible. Spacing of children and adjusting the numbers to the family's means are a part of the solution as well as improving the housing situation of the family. There are many reasons given but like I said, it is how we would want to pecieve it. Do always pray that Allah will show us to the right path.

Alhamdulillah, I have now managed to finish up my entries regarding family planning in Islam. I really hope all of you have managed to benefit something out of these entries. Whatever our question may be, always remember that the answer is in the Al-Quran and/or Sunnah. Since these are the only guidance we have left for us now, let's try and make full use of it.

I pray that we will all be guided to the right path. Amin.

Ps: JazakAllah Khair to all of you who have stopped by to read my entries. Even if I don't get that many comments, your frequent footsteps show that you've enjoyed my entries. Alhamdulillah, I'm really pleased that I can share all of that I know with others whom are interested. Thank you :)
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Part 2: Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic traditions

Before I continue with Part 2 of Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic traditions, let me just say that I have no intention on trying to appear holier than anyone else. My entries are merely a reminder to all of us. As you can see from the pictures below, my wedding was one of the 'let's follow suit' type of wedding. After reading the book I realised how ridiculous my thoughts were at that time. Just so you all know, my Mom wanted a real simple wedding but I added one too many things that forced me to resort to my credit card (since my parents didn't want to pay for unnecessary things). So, think before we follow our 'nafsu'! Right, so, that's been cleared up.

In Islam, we have the holy book Quran and Sunnah to guide us through this world and hereafter to make life so much easier and not a burden (like I always say and keep reminding myself). If in the Quran and Sunnah doesn't state any prohibition on certain things, then it's not our right to say that a thing is 'Haram' or 'Bida'ah' without any solid proof. Religion and tradition do come hand in hand. One cannot dismiss tradition without any valid reason. So, if something from the tradition might bring trouble to your life then of course you can choose to dismiss the tradition. Reason I say tradition is also important is because, we might want our wedding to be simple and Islamic but there are a few odd people wanting us to 'spice it up' by putting some tradition into it. Somehow, we are adamant that we don't want to and after all, it is our big day so our choice? By telling the person "No, I don't want to!", in a way it could offend them and in Islam we are supposed to care about other people's feeling hence by offending the person our 'Islamic' intention would end up being "Un-Islamic". It is important that we know how to answer these type of people without offending them. Let them know the reasons, for instance, "no I can't because it's really over my budget and I do not want to get into debt just for it. Furthermore, our religion HIGHLY encourages us to avoid debt". Here's an excerpt from Tirmidhi "Whoever dies free from 3 things- arrogance, cheating and debt- will enter paradise" also "The soul of a believer is held hostage by his debt in his grave until it is all paidoff." So, little things like this could help us stay away from such miserable debts. Insha'Allah. Hopefully by reasoning with these type of people might make them fully understand our intention. If they insist and want to pay for it, then that's ok since we are not putting ourself into debt even before the big day. Furthermore, in order to get married we have to be financially stable.

Again, I would like to remind my readers that it is not our right to say those things listed in the list below is either 'Haram' or 'Bida'ah'. For as long as you have the money to organise a big wedding and still can support your wife later on then go on, spoil yourself! Personally, I would rather be moderate in spending during the big day as it might end up being the "talk about" wedding. Also it's better to spend the hard earned money with the husband-to-be to start our new journey ahead :) Oh yeah, always remember though, whatever money we spend has to be fair and not waste them unnecessarily. An excerpt from Sahih Bukhari & Muslim: Abu Hurayrah reported that Prophet (peace be upon him) said "The worst food is the food of the wedding feast (Walimah) to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out. If anyone rejects an invitation, he has rebelled against Allah and His Messenger." Not only the food have to be Halal but also have to make sure of whom the attendees are. Also for those being invited, it is AGAINST the Sunnah to refuse an invitation to a Walimah, without a valid excuse.

Now, I list down the things that have been adopted from the Christian religion. It is up to you to evaluate how many items mentioned below have became important and even compulsory parts of a wedding in our community and to assess the consequences of such rite. Wallahualam.

Engagement rings (Cincin tanda/merisik in some cases)
This began in the Roman Era and later carried on by the Christians. They believe that engagement is a contract sworn before witnessed and solemnised by a ring. If either of them died, they are still being considered in the Will. They also believe that it is bad luck to lose or damage the ring as future happiness will be jeopardise.

In Islam however, it's suffice to say that there is no concept of engagement. The Sunnah is to marry the couple without unnecessary delay once they have agreed to marry. Money and people's time will not be wasted having to attend one too many ceremonies.

Wedding ring
The Church of England suggest a reason for choosing the fourth finger on the left hand as the wedding ring finger (but I think our tradition is to wear it on the right hand) : The English 'Christian' custom dictates that after the Priest has blessed the ring, the bridegroom should place it, first, on the bride's thumb with the words; "In the name of the father" then on the index finger "and the son" then on the middle finger "and of the holy ghost" and finally on the fourth finger "Amen".
There are also a few superstitions come with the wedding ring:
1) A wedding ring must never be bought on a Friday as it is an ill reputation day in Christianity.
2) Should not be bought through mail order catalogue as bad luck from others could be absorbed.
3) The ring must never be put on before the ceremony or at any time by anyone but the owner. (I know this is something the Malays do. If other than the owner puts it on, they might end up marrying the person who put it on first!)

Wedding dress
Fashion and the aristocracy introduced the white wedding dress. White epitomises purity and also is said to deter the evil eye. At Orthodox Jewish weddings the groom as well as the bride wear white.

Tiara
Christians started this tradition. Crowning typifies purity and at early Christian weddings the couple were crowned by the Priest after he had blessed the marriage. The importance of wearing a crown is held in such a high esteem within the church that in some regions the crowns were bought by the parish and lent to all so that brides rich and poor might appear 'at their best' on their wedding day.

Wedding cakeThe main origin is the Christian Church. The ritual text has been reiterated many of times. Again, it is used as blessings from the Priests. The Christian culture also believes that its symbolic meaning is that the cake is considered to become the body of Christ. Which will then follow with a wine session.

**I don't want to overload all of you with loads of info in one entry so, I will continue on a different entry about cake cutting as it is in depth and will be an entry on its own. If you are still interested, I will also write up on traditions that have been adopted from the Indian traditions. Insha'Allah.

Salam (Peace).

Wedding customs & Non-Islamic traditions!

Assalamualaikum my dear readers :)

This year seems to be the year of getting hitched for most of my friends and Iskandar's friends and also some family members. It's a shame we couldn't attend any of the weddings. I LOVE weddings, in case you didn't know ;) But I've only attended a handful of weddings and mostly it's from immediate or close relatives. Being in the UK restricts us from attending some of our close friends big day. I had to miss my own best friend's wedding. Sad sad :( I've now accepted the fact that I am only able to attend 'virtual' weddings. LOL! So if that's the case, then I am ok with it :)

Anyway, Khairaldin's been 'clearing' up our books that we have 'put aside' thinking we won't need it for a long long time. While he was clearing up, I saw a book that my Mom got fairly recently. It's called 'Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic Traditions'. I've read this book before, but it was way after my wedding :( It is such a good book to read if you are ready (or not so ready) to get married.

I know a few people who thinks wedding is a burden. I can't agree more! Wedding receptionS ARE a burden! And guess what, this is self-imposed by ourselves and not our religion- Islam! Most of our friends are not married because of the high expectations on wedding ceremonies. To hold an extravagant ceremony is only an exhibition of one's wealth. Impressing people during a wedding ceremony is a MUST. So we have to incur unwanted costs to make the wedding a 'memorable' one. After all, people who hold simple weddings are labelled as poor or miserly. Isn't that right?

Hosting wedding ceremony is a pressure! You not only get pressure from direct family members but also from social pressure, even from those who are not married! They either want you to hold a wedding that is against Shari'ah or simply an unislamic wedding. I've been through it. However, reading this book has made me realised that these people have personal vested interests. They want you to host such a wedding so it's easier for them to host the same type in the future. After all, you did it, so why can't they? This is only a way of Shaytan trying to say that 'if everybody is doing it, it can't be bad!' Have you not felt that way before? If majority of people are doing it, you'd feel less guilty. After all norm is normal.

Allah (SWT) have made our religion easy for us. A religion where it will fit anyone and everyone (poor, rich, disabled, abled etc etc). HE has always been fair in everything HE planned for us to live with. Why do we have to make life so complicated? Here's an excerpt narrated by Abu Dawud: Anas (RA)reports that Prophet (peace be upon him) said "Do not place hardships upon yourselves, otherwise Allah will put hardships upon you. Any nation that chose hardship was put into hardship by Allah."

So make like easier. Marriage is not a ritual but an act of 'Ibadah. It is a contract between the groom and the bride, with the bride's guardian, two male witnesses and a Mahr. There should also be a public celebration (walimah) open to all to let others know of the marriage. Somewhere along the way, we have made it difficult by getting into debts to do an extravagant wedding that only take into acount the tradition. Nikah ceremony has remained intact but sadly, this is the event with the least number of attendees. It's truly a shame!!!

If I could re-do my wedding, I would try and do it as Islamic as possible. However, that ship has sailed and this is only a mere reminder for my brothers and sisters in Islam. Let us change and start a new wedding reception as Prophet (peace be upon him) said "Most blessings is in matrimony which is simple and free from trouble." Also Prophet (peace be upon him said) "He who chooses for himself or herself the mode of a people (customs and rites) will be regarded as them."

We pray to Almighty Allah this entry (and followups) will become a source of inspiration to conduct weddings in accordance with the Quran and Sharia'h. AMIN!!!

Ps: I will write a follow up entry on the significant of engagement and wedding rings, wedding dress, the tiara, wedding cake & cutting cake and flowers in the Christian belief. We follow other rituals but sometime we do it blindly. Time to open our eyes and think for ourselves. Insha'Allah, I will not delay these entries.

A wife..... in Islam

I find it funny how people perceives a 'perfect' wife as someone who cooks and cleans up after the husband! If you're not one of those people, you're definitely not doing a wifey duty, so they say. Since I don't cook AND clean up after Iskandar, I am perceived as the non wifey material. Heh, very typical! Not that I care much since truthfully, it's how he perceives me as being the PERFECT one :) After all, he chose to marry me even after my Mom told him plenty of time that I don't cook and I definitely don't do housework ;) So, he had a choice and he still chose ME!

Anyway, I am a self-proclaimed Stay At Home Mom but that doesn't mean I am not a wife at the same time. Isn't it obvious that I am also fulfilling my wife 'job'? Iskandar is not complaining for all I care. Iskandar spoils me, like, A LOT!!! Till a point where my parents think I am being lazy! :D When actually, my husband is the one wanting to do these things for me. Iskandar cooks for me because when we went for our 'kursus kahwin' the Ustaz said, "the raw food that you bring home for your wife is not considered as nafkah until it's being cooked. Because she can't eat raw food". So nafkah is fulfilled when the husband cooks the food for the wife and she becomes a happy bunny ;). However, that doesn't mean that it's not fulfilled if the wife's cook for the husband. Of course the wife can help out and cook for the family, of course she can. In my case, my husband loves cooking hence he's always in the kitchen before me. Is that wrong? Definitely NOT! Iskandar also does the house chores because he doesn't want me to do 'heavy' things like vacuuming etc because that's a 'man job', according to him. Although, once in a while, I do vacuum the house but he'll bring the vacuum upstairs and downstairs. Also, whenever he cleans up, he'll get very detail and can spend hours doing it. When he needs help though, he'll shout for me.

When it comes to Khairaldin, it's a full time job for me. From when Khairaldin wakes up until he goes to bed, I deal with him. I feed him, change his diapers and bathe him since the day he was born. Iskandar probably have cleaned and fed Khairaldin a hand full of time. But we are absolutely fine with it. We are fair! He deals with the house chores and I deal with the baby. That's the most fair thing to work with in a relationship. Doesn't mean I stay at home I have to do every single thing. He knows that taking care of a baby is the toughest job anyone could ask for. That's why he tries his very best to decrease my 'work load'. Since I am on the topic, let me quote a hadith Authenticated by Abu Ya'ly and al-Bazzar "Women came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said 'O Messenger of Allah, men have taken away all the bounty of jihad. What work can we do to earn a bounty equal to jihad? He answered 'Running the household of your husbands will bring each one of you equal reward as that of the warriors in the way of Allah'. But they were not satisfied and asked Sallama (the nurse of Prophet's son Ibrahim) to raise the similar issue. Prophet (PBUH) then reassure her that women's work, ESPECIALLY, carrying, breast-feeding and rearing a child has rewards unavailable to men.

Clearly, if people actually 'research' they would know that it's never been mentioned that a wife's job is to cook for the husband but in fact, is to make sure that he he is actually fully satisfied with the relationship. So yeah, what happens behind closed should remain behind closed doors. Even though Iskandar spoils me, I am sure he's never come to a point of being a 'dayus' husband. Alhamdulillah. We try our very best to lead an Islamic lifestyle. He constantly remind me that in Islam, "The wife's duties do not require her to clean nor cook. It is the husband's duty to provide food for the wife, older children, and servants (if possible) to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband."

In the end of the day, if you are both happy with your lifestyle then, be it. It is up to Allah to judge whether one is being a 'worthy' wife or not. Also, I am very proud to announce to the world that my husband cooks and clean for me, because he is capable and he's doing a righteous deed for his family. Alhamdulillah, I am very blessed to have Iskandar in my life and I am very sure he feels the same way regardless of what people say :).

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Part 2: Are you ACTUALLY having any SEX???!!

Remember my entry about people.constantly.asking.if.

you're.pregnant.or.not? Yes, that entry. Basically, that entry was mostly through my experience and hear-says hence it was merely my personal vent ;) There was no hard based evidence in that entry.

So anyway, as I was reading the book about family planning, they coincidentally had a chapter on that 'type' of people. Basically, in the chapter he (the author) mentioned that people have misconceptions about getting married. Most people think that you get married to have babies. With his 'evidences' from the Quran, it not only strengthen my points but made me realise, what is the world getting into, why can't we think more like a Muslim?

In the Quran, Al-Roum (30:21) it's been mentioned "And one of (Allah's) sign is, that He has created for you mates from yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and has ordained between you Love and Mercy". In another Surah Al-A'raf (7:189) "It is He who created you from a single soul and therefrom did make his mate, that he might dwell in tranquilty with her."

Ironically, what this Sura' is trying to point out is that, Allah asks us to get married (when the time comes) and be merry and celebrate love with your partner. Both Sura' did not mention about children or procreation. It only suggests tranquility as an overall purpose of marriage! This is the case because everyone can achieve tranquility BUT not all couples are fertile. Allah knows best. So, Allah wants us to enjoy the marriage for as long as we want until we are ready to have babies (but actually it is HE who knows that we are ready and showering us with the baby(ies)).

However, procreation is important to maintain the human race. Other verses in the Quran do mention procreation; Surah Al-Nahl (16:72) "And Allah has made for you mates from yourselves and made for you out of them, children and grandchildren". Without a doubt procreation is an expectation in marriage but it is not its exclusive purpose. Even when procreation takes place, it should only help to support and endorse tranquility rather than disrupt them. Certain people are happier with having baby(ies) in their life therefore they would want to have the baby soonest. If that makes them happier, by all means, Allah is so much happier for them :)

Surprise surprise, this is where Islam differs to other religion. In other religion, procreation is the exclusive purpose of marital relations. So to those who still go through those annoying questions, it's time you stood up and say "we are enjoying our tranquility!" Or even, highlight them to the Sura' mentioned. Hehehe

It is now clear that marriage and family formation in Islam require a good deal of planning. Since we have to consider (ie; planning) so many things before getting married like health wise, money wise, the type of wife etc etc. Then, it is only fair to also plan on when to have child(ren). In the end of it all, always always remember that Allah knows what's best for us all. Insha'Allah, we can only plan but the decision is only in HIS hand.

Insha'Allah there will be more open minded people in our generations. :) Thank you all for reading and contributing. Jazakallahu Khairan (May Allah s.w.t grant you goodness).
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Islam is a religion FOR planning!

Al-Qamar (Sura 54:49)- We have created everything according to a LAW!

Before I start this entry, I would like y'all to read it with an open mind and decide for yourselves (in light of the evidences). As you know, guidance comes from Allah and not anyone else. So, it's best we ask HIM to guide us to the straight path, Ameen!!

Personally, I've always wanted to know the best way to 'plan' for babies. I remember when I was in school, we were being taught that contraception is Haraam. Reason being, it's like we are trying to 'play' god. So I was thinking, if all Muslims don't plan, won't they end up with one too many babies? Hmmm. Since Khairaldin was born until recently, we were playing it safe as I'm not ready to have another one but at the same time, we didn't take any type of contraception thinking that it was Haraam. It came to a point where I was 'scared' I might get pregnant, because I am not ready (if you've been following my blog you would notice this! Hehehe).

One day, I followed Iskandar to his Uni library. As he was browsing for his books I thought I might as well grab some books to fill my too much spare time. Hehehe Then, this book caught my eye 'Family planning in the legacy of Islam'. I read the sypnosis and thought, MUST read further! So I asked him to borrow the book for me. Guess what, I managed to finish it within a few hours. :) Only because I was too determined. I didn't manage to blog about it earlier as I was scared I might deliver it differently to the book. Thus, when you read this, it is mostly my understanding on what I've read. If any of you are clueless or need more info, don't hesitate to ask. I can always check back with the book. Insha'Allah.

Basically the book starts with saying, 'the Qur'an reveals no text prohibiting the prevention of pregnancy'. During Prophet's (S.A.W) time, there are several traditions that indicates its permissibility. One of it was called al-azl (coitus interruptus) where the husband ejaculates outside the wife's vagina. Different Mazhabs have different views about contraception, however, Prophet (S.A.W) knew that his sahaba was practising al-azl but never prohibited it. Therefore, contraception is lawful as stated above.

The use of contraceptive methods have to be of a mutual agreement between husband & wife. There are a few acceptable reasons for preventing pregnancy:

1) Preservation of the wife's beauty & fitness, protecting her from the dangers of labour
2) Need to avoid economic embarrassment (not able to support the family)
3) To allow breast feeding time for at least 2 years old (danger of changed milk from a pregnant mother)

The question became rather 'heated' because of modern contraceptive methods (male/female condoms, pills, calendar method etc etc). Some say that taking pills are like killing the babies or even IUD makes you STOP conceiving. This has been noted that as long as it's for temporary period of time, then it is permitted. There has been cases that people with IUD could still get conceive. Hence, it is not a permanent impairment to fertility. However, permanent impairment of fertility is a definite no-NO, for instance sterilisation! The reason temporary methods are allowed is because we still rely on Allah (tawakkal) to take control of what happens next. In the end of the day, if Allah wills to create a soul, NO ONE can stop Him. The other reason is also because the semen in itself is not yet a human being, therefore there is no harming or killing happens in that stage. It only prevents the semen from mingling with the ovum. ;)

Islam is not only a religion. It is also a social system, a culture and civilisation. So, it has it values, ideals and goals. It is a religion of ease, not hardship, moderation, planning and of course a religion for ALL times. No matter how the world is changing, Islam can always accommodate to it.
As we know parents have their rights in parenting skills. However, children also have their rights and this is even before they were born. The ten paramount rights of children in Islam:

1) The right of genetic purity (they have the right to born with no actual or potential genetic disorders. If parents happen to know that they have genetic disorder, this is the ONLY reason they can opt to get a sterilisation in order to not have any children)
2) The right to life (Islam prohibits killing a child for ANY reason at all!)
3) The right to legitimacy & good name (Self explanatory, yeah?)
4) The right to breast feeding, shelter, maintenance & health care
5) The right to separate sleeping arrangements for children (Authenticated by Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, instruct your children in prayer at age SEVEN, punish them if they fail to practice at age TEN, and let them sleep separately from one another)
6) The right to future security (Sahih Al-Bukhari: To leave your heirs rich is better than leaving them dependent upon people's charity)
7) The right to religious training and good upbringing (parents are RESPONSIBLE for instilling their children religious beliefs of Islam.)
8) The right to education and training in sports and self defence.
9) The right to equitable treatment regardless of gender.
10) The right that their supports comes only from legitimate sources.

So, if we can't fulfil the children's right by all means we can practise family planning. However like I mentioned, if Allah wants a child to be conceived, it will. Even contraception pills are said to be 99.9% accurate, apparently. Even Mary managed to have Isa without any sexual intercourse. Take or do what you want but in the end, it all comes down to our creator. If he wants to give us more, there's just no stop to it. For every child, there's always rezeki to it. Insha'Allah.

Hopefully, you guys have managed to grasp some ideas about family planning in Islam as much as I have. Sorry for whatever mistakes being said in this entry as I've tried my best to make it as easy to understand :)

***Insha'Allah I will blog further on children's right (Number 5 to be precise). It made me think for a moment and I now don't look down upon people who have 2-3 children even if they are planning. Because in Islam, sleeping pattern in children is a right on its own. Will continue soon, Insha'Allah.

Contraceptive pills picture was googled, not mine. :D
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Mind over matter

Alright, is it just me or is it weird when people contemplate on whether to breastfeed or formula feed their baby? I have never thought that a mother could actually think about feeding formula milk to their baby even before the baby is born.

When I went for my antenatal class before, we had to make a timetable of our life after baby was 3 days old. So obviously, Iskandar and I put in lots and lots of feeding time in our timetable, because we thought that was rather the norm. However, there was a couple who ended up with a timetable which included 'washing bottles'. The midwife then asked, "why do you need to wash bottles at 3 days old?" The couple answered, "My SIL ended up with no milk when she gave birth so she had to formula feed." Right, the midwife just agreed and moved on.

It kinda made me think for a moment as well. Oh gosh, what if we are one of those people with 'no milk'? Are we just gonna let the baby suffer since we're not stocking up on formula milk. Iskandar being Iskandar, he is just too positive minded! Sometimes it scares me (and I'll be saying this again and again) :D Anyways, he then questioned me, would Allah give us a child to care for and yet not provide 'food' along with it? Hmmmm I thought, that made sense but you know the 'what ifs' just happen since I'm a first time Mommy. We still did not stock up on any formula milk, even until today.

Speaking thru experience, I think in order to achieve the goal to fully breastfeed your child begins even before the baby is born. If you think that you can't do it, then obviously it's impossible. Yes, it's always mind over matter (Psychology, much?). After all, there are a few hormones that needs to be 'released' when breastfeeding. So obviously, the breast will tell the brain to release so and so hormones and of course this can also be done if we keep telling the mind that we NEED to breastfeed. In this case, there shouldn't be a question of whether one should breastfeed or formula feed. Doubting yourself is the key to all failures! At least that's what I think :) Even without research we could tell that anything given 'directly' to us from god would be the best for us or in this case, our child.

When Khairaldin was approximately 4months old, I was suffering from what I would say a bad case of Mastitis (nipple infection). My doctor first did not prescribed any type of medication. She said to continue BFing and if it gets sore just express some milk and rub it on the nipple. Of course that worked for a while until I started reading on a few websites that there are creams for this infection. My infection became worse, I can assure you the only reason it got worse was because I stopped believing that without creams it could still cure the infection.

Long story short, I didn't dare to feed Khairaldin on my sore nipples and ended up only feeding him on one side. Since there is also a need of supply + demand in breastfeeding, my left breast milk started to decrease. I keep telling myself, there's no milk because I haven't been feeding him on the left side. Try telling yourself that every day and night, I'm sure your milk will get bored of it and gets the point that you're not even going to try. Hehehe So yeah, I am now only feeding him on my right side. Sometimes, I do try to give him the left side but because he's an 'active' drinker, he can never tolerate my very slow letdowns. We both then gave up and just continued on the 'best' breast. Alhamdulillah though, he is still loving every drop of milk he gets from me. Even with one side feeds, I think it's still sufficient enough for his growth. Well at least I can tell from his weight that he's not under nourished.

So Mommies & Mommies to be, here's all you need to prepare yourself for a healthy breastfeed session with your li'l bundle. At least for the first 6 months:
1) Your very own positive mind
2) Very positive minded Husband
3) Very supportive Husband
4) Your baby, to suckle on you day in and day out :)
5) Smile on your face when baby end up falling asleep on your breasts.

Other than that, a breastpump to combat those sore breasts due to yummy milk being produced!

You go Mommies!
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