Hajj Pilgrimage: EVERYTHING went wrong!

As I am writing this, a few Hajj jemaah have left Malaysia for Mekah to perform their pilgrimage. Can't believe it's been a year since! May Allah accept your ibadah and please make full use of the time you have there, this is once in a lifetime opportunity!

Anyway, by now, you might already know that I've been to Hajj and obviously came back safely because here I am blogging about it. ;) For those of you who sacrificed your busy schedule just to sit down and talk to us personally about our Hajj trip, we appreciate it so much. It's a different level of busy-ness here in Malaysia, so to have the time to get offline and talk face-2-face, that's an honour. But for those of you who have been busy with family and other things, we truly understand! It's not that easy to just get in the car and have a chat, especially if you're married! Errkk. I mean, I REALLY TRULY understand the situation.

Anyway, like I said in my previous post all of OUR plan went haywire when we decided to move back to Malaysia. We were supposed to fly off to Mekah from the UK in September but since our plan changed, we had to think of a way to get extra money to travel from Malaysia-UK-Mekah-UK-Malaysia. In June, we booked and paid for our Hajj package via online as we were already in Malaysia. After confirming our bookings we found out that they needed our passports for the Hajj visa a few months before departure. That wasn't the downfall.....yet!

We were told by the travel agent that we will only get our passport with the Hajj visa 2 days before departure!!! Of course that didn't work for us because we were travelling from Malaysia so we need our passport way earlier to make sure we get to the UK as scheduled.

The next 4 months was a REAL test of FAITH, masha'Allah. 

Since there was no turning back, we only had one thing to do..Which really, should have been the first thing we SHOULD do. Make lots of du'a. At that point in time, other than the obligatory prayers, performing solat hajat and tahajud was our second nature. We felt lost when we didn't perform those prayers. Waking up in the middle of the night wasn't a problem because we really wanted to perform Hajj and we know noone else could help us except for Allah. We put our trust in him and tawakal that everything will turn out perfectly as how HE planned. Even if we didn't get the chance to go this time, we didn't feel bad as we turned to HIM for help. Iskandar and I didn't put pressure on each other even though we really wanted this day to come. We hardly even utter about how much we want this opportunity to fall in place. Everything was done in our prayers. We begged ALLAH to give us what HE knows will be the best for us. We even left the travel agents to work on our visa and did not bother them with e-mails asking when we are getting our passports and visas. We left it all to ALLAH.

Nonetheless, the month of September came and we got real anxious as we were scheduled to leave to the UK in the first week of October. On 24th of September, I e-mailed the travel agent to get updates on our passport. And so they replied... asking Iskandar for his UK visa since they can't find it in his passport. Confidently I told him it is in his old passport which my brother have sent it together with the other passports. They replied that the old passport with UK visa wasn't with them. So I contacted my brother and he confirmed he DID NOT send the old passport to the travel agent. Things got even worse and to blame everyone at that time was an option. But I didn't, thanks to NLP and positive thinking. I pulled myself together and think of ways to get his visa to the travel agent as soon as possible. 

Alhamdulillah, the postal service in the UK is amazingly efficient so they received the passport in time, which was 5 days before our departure to the UK. Now things are supposedly going rather smoothly but we forgot, how are we going to get our passport within 5 days??? I contacted the post office and they said that if we are posting passports they will hold it at the custom for a month just to make sure that it's legit documentation. Of course we didn't have a month to spare!! So we continued thinking of ways to get our passport to KL. A few days before our passports and visas were approved, we had so many relatives going back and forth the UK and Malaysia but as soon as we got our passport we didn't have anyone.

But, Allah was there all along guiding us. My dad received a msg from his friend saying that they're leaving for Malaysia on the 4th October. So without hesitation, we contacted him and explained our situation. Alhamdulillah we managed to set for an appointment for the travel agent and my dad's friend to meet and pass our passports through him.However, Iskandar had to delay his flight due to some complications whereas I managed to get on the flight back to UK as scheduled. I had about 3 days to spare before our flight to Mekah. As for Iskandar, he arrived the night before our flight to Mekah.... phew! SubhanAllah Alhamdulillah!

So, you would have thought that everything would go smoothly by now right? I mean, we've got our passports AND visas! What else could go wrong?

Stay tuned for the next episode........ ;)

"International Education and Islamic Parenting Conference" organised by Brainy Bunch Islamic Montessori (BBIM)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

First and foremost, Alhamdulillah shukur for the opportunity given by an old friend to attend the "International Education and Islamic Parenting Conference" organised by Brainy Bunch Islamic Montessori (BBIM). It meant a lot to the both of us because we have been thinking of sending Khairaldin to BBIM and attending the conference has shed us some lights on the nursery. So, thank you! Before I start sharing my experience about the talk, I will just inform you that I didn't stay for all 4 speakers due to "clingy kids". Alhamdulillah, we still managed to stay and listen to the Famous Mufti Menk, which helped a lot in our parenting skills. However, that will be on a different blog post. ;-)

The conference begin with Ustazah Isfadiah Dasuki's talk on "Raising our Children with The Book of Allah & The Importance of Islamic Education." In her talk she mentioned a few ways of raising our child with Al-Quran, which are, teaching them Ibadah, morals, sexual education and teaching them to socialise. (I think I missed out a few points and also added a few according to my understanding during the talk. It will be great if anyone who went for the conference share their experience as well. Jazakallahu khairan kathira.) 

How do we teach them Ibadah?

• We can start teaching them at a very young age. The best way to teach is by being the example! When we solat, put them in the same room as us. Let them see how we solat and why we solat, explain to them why we need to stop everything as soon as the Azan finishes. 
• If they disturb us during solat, leave them to it. After finishing our solat, hug and kiss them as they were there watching us doing it. Even if it means they were tugging onto our 'telekong' the whole time. Hugging and kissing them after solat makes them feel that we are enjoying the solat. If we finish our solat and scold them straight after, it will show that solat is very stressful! 
• Reward them when they do something good. When they solat on their own, reward them. When they fast, reward them! They deserve it as it is not easy for them to perform all this on their own. They need encouragements and we are the best source for them to get it from.

How to teach them morals?

• When the child reach a certain age, GUIDE them to be independent. For instance with putting their clothes on. We can't expect them to one day wake up and miraculously put their clothes on, some have the ability Alhamdulillah but most of us needs guidance. So one day we can guide them to just put one sleeve on and when they are good at that, let them put the sleeve on themselves. Then start guiding them with their pants, when THEY feel confident, let them do it on their own. We should keep guiding them throughout their life, even when they are an adult! 
• Give them choices and ALLOW them to make mistakes! If we don't allow them to make mistakes, how do we expect them to know what is right and wrong? 
• Our Prophet s.a.w taught us to have good morals by projecting good morals in himself. So, take that onboard into our own family. 

How to teach them sexual education?

• There are TWO places we can teach them sex ed. First it starts in our own house, we have to explain to them the roles of parent. Sometimes my son gets confused why is it that Mommy can sleep with Abah and yet he cannot sleep with Mommy. We have to explain to them what parents is all about.
• Immediate sexual ed is through SOLAT. How? We explain to them why is it that boys have to solat at the front and girls at the back- this is done by teaching them the aurah and how to protect the gaze. They then understand how to respect different gender.
• Teach them to ask for our permission before entering our room BEFORE fajr, zuhur and AFTER Isya'. Tell them why we need to close our bedroom door and why they need to ask for permission to get in, it is all about aurah and this will then make them feel ashamed to show their own aurah. Also let them know what they should not see inside the bedroom they should not see outside the bedroom. Its like whatever happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom kinda thing.
•  Outside the household, manage the gaze. They should know by now what is shameful for them to see and what is not. When we see adverts of those not covering their aurah, tell them to lower their gaze and switch view for a moment until it's gone.
• Avoid chattering and gossiping. Yes yes yes we all know about this but sometimes we make an effort to get out of the house to meet up with people just to gossip. So, do our best to avoid this! If you can't restrain yourself from gossiping, then avoid the people you know that would talk bad about others. Choose your friends wisely as it teaches them to choose their friends too.      

 How to teach them to socialise?

• Socialising can be taught by letting them watch TV. We shouldn't stop them from watching TV or internet. Observe what they are watching, if they like those violent shows, watch with them and tell them why is it wrong to destroy the buildings. How real is all this destroying and killing people. Tell them and talk to them to instill a different perspective as how the TV is instilling it into them. When we STOP them from watching their favourite shows, they will find the need to watch it more and will go out of their way to watch it. So, best not to refrain them from watching TV or using the internet. Teach them to use it wisely.

Again and again, you are the best example to SHOW them how they should bring themselves up in this world. When they do anything wrong, reflect on yourself. How much gadget have you been using around them? Where are they when you are performing your solat? Have you been covering your aurah around them for them to understand that it is wrong to see other people's aurah? So, START WITH YOURSELF FIRST. Insha'Allah, the parenting will be a breeze for you. Sometimes we want to impose things onto our kids that we ourselves can't keep up with. DO OUR BEST to be the example in the household. 

I pray that Allah make it a breeze for us to care for our children according to the Quran and Sunnah. When we feel we are at lost, grab the Quran and start back from the beggining, Insha'Allah, we can't be wrong at educating our kids the right way. May Allah bless all of you for the efforts you have been putting in to care for his Amanah. Amin ya Rabbalalamin! 

Insha'Allah, I shall continue on Mufti Menk's talk in the near future. Thank you for your patience.

My loves.

I feel so bad for not updating about Khairaldin and Layina for a while now! This blog is supposed to be their platform to reminisce the fond memories if one day I leave the world before getting the chance to tell them what they're like when they're babies. But somehow I feel that jotting down every single thing couldn't justify the whole "being there" memories. So now I have chosen to be there with them more rather than clicking away on my phone and taking lots of their pics as memories. Because, I might even miss a few things that are more important when I am busy setting up the camera/phone. So the memory remains in me.

Saying that, my kids now find the necessity to "self potrait" or document their everyday routines. Hehe they kinda took over my "job". Here's a picture of Layina being vain and capturing hereself and the other is a picture of Khairaldin capturing his "what I ate today". Blogger much? ;)

It scares me how much they mimic what I say and do! However, I am glad I get to be there and make sure I'm showing them what is good and bad. I always get praises on how well behaved my kids are and all I have to say is, Alhamdulillah I was made redundant almost 4 years ago as this is definitely the best job ever- MOTHERHOOD! Only a mother can discipline, care and love the child all at the same time. It's true that you have to be there in your kids' life for them to be there for yours later on. I couldn't have learn all this if my mom was a working mom. I'm sure she went thru a lot to bring the 7 of us up but I'm sure she never regretted being a Mother first before anything else. I love my mom so much! Alhamdulillah for the chance to still learn from her on how to bring up my own children.

Lots of love.

Reason why I disabled my Facebook account.

...............To be continued ;)

Post-natal depression AND terrible two???!

Alhamdulillah it wasn't me who suffered from postnatal depression! Before I gave birth to Layina, I have read a lot about people whom suffered from postnatal depression. According to a few sources, postnatal depression "target" people with second baby, so they say. I was scared that it could happen to me. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to cope with post natal depression and this so called "terrible two" son??

In case you didn't know, I have a Degree in Psychology. After my second year of studying Psychology, I feel that most (not all but most!) of the things taught were a whole load of crap. Don't get me wrong, I love Psychology!! I believed most of the things being taught but I truly hate it when they teach us things that doesn't make any sense. For instance, Freudian's theory was being taught at A-Levels up to second year degree. Who doesn't know his theory, I am sure you've somewhat heard of his psychosexual theory, yes? You can read about his theory here if you are interested. There are also other modules that gives me the icks when I learn them. I find it rather pathetic that they're teaching us these theories when they know that it doesn't make any sense or even that it is very controversial. To me, it was like they were trying to brainwash us into thinking in those terms. Anyway, enough about that.

Like I said, there are some parts of Psychology that I could agree on. Basically, I 110% agree that the brain controls each and every part of our body. Our brain is the most important organ in our body. So when I was scared about the postnatal depression cases, it got me 'ready' for it. What did I do? Well, I convinced myself that I can definitely handle my 2 kids with Allah's will. Would Allah have given me another child if he didn't believe in me? I'm sure I've done something right for him to shower me with another child right? Of course I wasn't boastful. I couldn't have done it without Allah's help.

Depression and stress happens because we over think things. Say for instance if a person lose a job which I'm sure this is one of the many reasons people become depressed nowadays looking at the state of our economy. People without beliefs will feel that this is all their fault, as if they have failed in life! When really in Islam we are taught that Allah is the one that has control of every single thing in our life. Yes you can be sad, not a problem. But get over it quickly. Don't moan and groan over it too much. Get back on your feet and think of your next step. First and foremost though, thank Allah for everything that's happened to you. There's always a blessing behind every thing that He gives or takes. Like this ayat suggest; "....... it may well be that you dislike a thing even though it is good for you, and it may well be that you like a thing even though it is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know." (Surah Al-Baqarah:216)

I believe that everything we say or think is du'a (supplication) to Allah swt. So if a person thinks of negative things, they are clearly channelling their feeling towards that particular situation. Like post natal depression, if you think too much about how tiring it is to take care of a child, you will definitely not have the time to enjoy the child that you've just given birth to. No doubt being a Mother is tiring (not much for fathers though)! Having to wake up every now and then for feeds, diaper change or even just checking that baby is sleeping soundly is REALLY tiring! So why think about it and tire your brain even more when you know it's tiring? Instead try and think about the joyful things you can do with your baby when he/she is awake. Think about how lucky you are that the baby wakes up to feed/diaper change etc. I'm sure you know that being a Mother/Father consists of being there for your child almost 24-7, right? Since you have asked Allah for this child of yours then enjoy bringing them up with lots of love, hugs, kisses and positivity!

Although, these aren't the only things that we should bring our child up with. Of course there's Syaitan to mess about with our mind. That is why whatever we do we should think of Allah first. After giving birth we are more likely to feel depressed because we are in a 'dirty' condition. The post partum blood is dirty and so we are not allowed to pray. Nonetheless, our Worship towards him does not stop there. We should continue our 'zikir'. Glorify him so that the Syaitan will be scared of us and will not dare to come near us. Insha'Allah with Allah's protection we will be safe from the Syaitan! After all, in Surah Fatihah we mention that only in HIM do we seek for help and therefore we should always seek HIM in whatever sad or happy situation we are in.

On a slightly different topic, I did say 'terrible two' son didn't I? Well, to be honest, I feel that this word is being used to make us feel that they are terrible. How is it that they've been our 'bundle of joy' for 1 year and suddenly when they reach 2 they are terrible? This term is negative and we should really change it to a more positive term like "terrific two". Well, just because they cry more and are a little bit clingy doesn't mean they are terrible! To be honest, I was also conned into the "terrible two" term. Whenever Khairaldin cried, I almost gave up and just said "Oh well, it's just a phase. He'll get over it." When really I think all he wanted was someone to listen to him and just give him cuddles! Since we don't carry him that much, he then throw tantrums to get attention. He wants to still feel that he's being loved. We can't just take it for granted that "he'll get over it." HE WON'T . Give the attention that they need. Children don't cry for no reason.  

It's a terrific two because they are clever to know how to get our attention yet we are so silly not to give them the attention they need!

So parents, don't be caught up with all these terms or label that has been put out to us out there. We should really think positively and not let anyone label us. After all this "terrible two" and all other stress, what next? Mid life crisis? Are we just gonna live our life by letting people bring us down all the time? So get up! Live your life to the fullest. Positivity is the way to go! There's nothing wrong with having a positive mindset. Doesn't mean you're positive you don't feel sad. You still do and it's ok to feel that way as it's a test from Allah swt to appreciate HIM even more. If you're too happy, you might forget HIS existance. So, he has to bring you down and test you every now and then. It is how you get back up and continue worshipping him that matters! Insha'Allah.

My du'a is for all of my readers to be more positive in life and to not let anyone label and judge us except for the Allah swt. Insha'Allah. Amin!