Nabi Isa ibn Maryam

Have you ever wondered why every time we come across Prophet Isa/Jesus' name in the Quran it will be with his 'bin/son of', which is 'bin' his Mother Maryam/Mary. When ever we come across Prophet Adam/Musa or any other prophets it will just be their name on its own.

Well, according to our local imam, here's why... Allah knew that the Christians will worship Jesus and they believe Jesus is the "son of God" therefore, there is a need to constantly correct this thinking by mentioning Jesus as Mary's son and NOT God's son. SubhanAllah! It's just amazing how accurate is the Quran!!

This statement was mentioned during our Wednesday Halaqah. Going for this sort of talks really do help me with my belief. Sometimes we just need these reminders to make our belief stronger! InshaAllah will try and share more often. May all of you benefit something from this blog rather than 'what am I up to' updates. :) Till we meet again.

Oh, while you're still here. Do you know what is 100000 divided with infinity? Hmmmmmm. Do try it out ;) Will reveal in a weeks time InshaAllah.
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Public Display of Affection :))

Dearest Iskandar,

 

Credits

Please be aware that this entry was written after I have finished browsing 100s of Rainbow Cupcake recipes. My intention was to bake Rainbow Cupcakes for our Anniversary to show how much you mean to me. But since you are not a dessert person, I have decided to write a 'sweet' entry tasting just like a cupcake so you can taste the sweetness in our relationship. Because really, I don't wanna end up baking the cupcakes which will only end up in my already fat tummy! Just so you know, when eating cupcakes, people are more interested in the frosting so, I have personally chosen a cream cheese frosting for this 'non existence cupcake'. All I have to say is, expect a whole load of cheesy-ness in here. ;)

Alhamdulillah, we are in our 4th year marriage today!!! After all the hard work you went through during the solemnization (three times akad), it's all worth it as we are still going strong until today, Mahsa'Allah. Even during the 'akad' I knew you were not only winning my heart but also my parents'. Day after day you are only getting better at sucking up to them, I mean, making them love you more ;) Even though we've been together for four years, I feel that our journey has only just begun. THE journey to everlasting love! THE love that we've never seen it before. 

Sorry, I'm allowed to be cheesy and show the blog my love for you, right? ;) I want our kids to grow up and read these entries to always remind us and themselves what love should really mean!

Anyway, I know we say not to make a big deal out of birthdays, wedding anniversaries, couple anniversary or even reception anniversaries :) At least I know you don't. Haha As a lady, I still have that space in my mind to just remember all these unwanted facts! So it's just fair for me to give myself that peace of mind to "celebrate" it even though it's just through my blog. All you have to do is 'hear' me out, like you always do anyway! Hehehe

Iskandar, as the years go by, our relationship has somewhat bloomed into a whole different level. We don't feel the need to have random surprises/presents to make believe that we are indeed still IN love. We are blessed in so many different ways. We have had people not believing in us and not supporting us, but we stayed strong, for Allah's sake. Alhamdulillah, with the kids around, we are left astonished every single second. We will always turn to each other thinking "how in the world did we bring them up this way?". It's all with Allah's will, that's all that we know. We could never have done it all ourselves. Never ever!

Iskandar, we really have Allah to be thankful to for giving us another day closer to each other and most of all closer to HIM. I feel so thankful and blessed that Allah's given me lots of rain and shine throughout this relationship because without those rain and shine, you, My Rainbow would have never appeared. You are THE rainbow in my Cloud 9. Insha'Allah, if I continue to follow your lead, you will lead me and the kids to that pot of gold (Jannah/Heaven) where we all will be living happily ever after. That is all that matters to me! No amount of diamonds or material stuffs can ever buy us the happiness in Hereafter.

Alhamdulillah! Only Allah knows how thankful I am to always have you by my side w hen I am experiencing my happiest or saddest moments. I always pray that Allah will always guide us to the right path in this world as there's nothing more that I want than to live happily with you in the Hereafter. Our love means a lot more 'there' than when we are here. Let's pray that we will continue to share and help each other through this life for our ultimate goal, THE JANNAH.

I love you for the sake of Allah subhanahuwataala. Thank you for being a great partner and father to the kids.

 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3,

Your inseperable wife, Insha'Allah

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Life's precious manuals

Many of times I've heard people say "If only there's a manual on how we should live this life, everything will be great!". I used to be one of those people too whenever I was lost in my little clueless world. Yes, it is scary when we have nowhere to turn to. But time and again we forget that life DO come with its manual. It's called Al-Quran and Hadiths. Try looking for anything at all that you want to know about this life, or even the 'world' after! You will definitely find your answer.

Sometimes I feel like someone's watching over my shoulder and knows everything about what I am doing or going through. The signs that are shown to me is straight forward but its effect is almost like a slap in the face (it hurts so much). However, it doesn't leave a scar on my face but it does deep in my heart! 'The words' that I read hurts deep inside me and yet I take it as an eye opener rather than feeling angry over it.


I'm sure you are all saying "what is Iva going on about??". Right, so, I have a few examples on how my life has changed ever since I turned towards Al-Quran or Hadiths but I'll just stick to this one example. I used to be the type of person who says whatever I feel like saying whenever I'm upset (I still do, occasionally). There is this one time, I was so furious with one of my relative and I felt the best option was just to ignore him and break whatever relationship we have (as if it's that easy when you're really blood related! Haha). But yeah, I was furious beyond words. Then the next day, I was lazing in my Mom's room and felt like reading one of her books. As I was flipping through one of the pages, this Hadith was on the page "The one guilty of severing ties of kinship will not be admitted to Paradise." (I will check on the source soon, Insha'Allah) At that moment, I was gobsmacked and felt, 'O Allah, I am so sorry for my behaviour!!' I know Allah was upset with me at that time and HE wanted to show me the 'right' way to deal with my anger. Although I felt disgusted with myself, I know Allah is All-Merciful and the only thing was to ask for forgiveness for what I intended to do or had done. The feeling after doing the right thing is just....right. Even though at that very moment I was still angry but after reading the Hadith it got me thinking, "why would I want to do such a thing??" It felt wrong in so many ways after that!

And lately, whenever Iskandar and I are faced with difficulty in life, somehow there is just a sign to lead us back to the *happy* life rather than the miserable/Satanic life. Be it from people's status, the books we read or even the tv shows that we watch, the sign is always there. It is just how we take notice of it or do we even want to take notice of it. I'm glad I have such positive minded family and friends and also friends that are like ourselves whom are striving for goodness in this life and most importantly the greatness in Hereafter. I appreciate every single messages, e-mails or even indirect status msges that people have been posting on their Facebook. It is just refreshing to go to sleep or wake up in the morning getting those 'words of advice' from people you know personally or not. To me, Allah is just looking after me by letting me read and take note of HIS words!! No doubt random people use Ayat Quran or Hadith as their status but I know it's Allah's plan on wanting me to read it and take it into account.

By the way, I found this quote a few days back on Hadith of The Day Fanpage and all I could think of is..... SPOT ON! I've had this entry in my draft for awhile but yesterday I felt it's time to publish it and there you go, this quote sufficed my whole entry. Masha'Allah!! 

"If you want to speak to Allah, then pray solat. If you want Allah to speak to you, then read the Quran."  

How can you argue with that? :)

So yes, in order to live a spiritually healthy life, it's best to read Words of Allah as HE can never go wrong in whatever he is conveying to us! SubhanAllah!! Also remember that we are never alone, Allah is there with us when we are happy or even sad. HE will never leave our side for a blink of an eye. So, turn to HIM whenever, wherever or for whatever reason. HE is the only one we can depend on, ALWAYS! Alhamdulillah, I am glad to have known this and I hope one day when Khairaldin is feeling the blues, HE will stumble upon my blog and read all these (that's if we're not around to constantly remind him)! Insha'Allah.

"O Allah I beg you to guide my family, children and grandchildren to your path as there is no other path that could make them see how true and Almighty you are". Amin Ya Rabbal'alamin!

Part 3: Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic traditions

** Part 3 of Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic traditions

"This whole world is an enjoyment, and its best enjoyment is a righteous wife."[Hadith Muslim]

Weddings are meant to be an occasion of real rejoicing and joy for the couple themselves and the whole community. I say meant because, somewhere along the way it had become a rather stressful and nerve wrecking event. So what makes wedding so stressful? The stress and nerve wrecking situation happens because of the extravagance and the violation of the Islamic code of conduct. The terrible competitiveness between the hosts and guests to have an extravagant wedding makes it impossible to plan a rather perfect wedding for the "people's eye". We want everything to seem perfect in dunyaa that we have forgotten to realise the purpose of Shari'ah being revealed. Shari'ah is always revealed with a purpose and its main purposes are to preserve religion, life and health, family and lineage, intellect and property. Within the Shari'ah it is possible for people to have genuine joy and fulfilment. The rejection of Shari'ah would lead to misery, ill-health, bankcruptcy, being forgotten and despised in old age and desperate death, if not in this world then it would be in the hereafter. The punishment we'll get hereafter is beyond one's imagination.

I don't know if I've mentioned this in my previous posts but there may be people who will say "Well, we do not place importance on these rites nor do we think they are significant. We only carry them out to please either the wife/husband, father/mother, relatives, children". If there are people who would say such a thing then it's up to the wise and intelligent members of the family to educate the rest on the violation of the Shari'ah. Some may accept straight away to dismiss the rites and traditions but some might put a fight and insist on having them on the wedding day. The question is, isn't this rebellious attitude an indication of how important such rites are to them? Many of us would think that omission of any of the rites mentioned simply would NOT be a wedding.

Below are some of the Indian rituals that have been famously incorporated in Malay Muslim's weddings.

Wedding party (reception)

The Vivaha (a book of Hindus on marriage customs) explains that on the wedding day, the groom with his friends and relatives goes to the house of the bride on a conveyance suited to his status. In the past, the elephants were recommended for Princes and the rich, nowadays they are replaced by Rolls Royce or Merc etc. On arrival, the groom stands outside the gate of the house facing east and is welcomed by a company of women (the bride's family/relatives).

There are those who go to certain extent by either hiring cars or even buying new cars just for the reception. The better the car, apparently, the better your status is. However, if we follow the Quran and Shari'ah, this only means exhibitionism and gross extravagance. The Quran carries a terrible warning for such behaviour. Here's an excerpt I researched that suits the said situation; "Believer! Do not nullify your acts of charity by stressing your benevolence and causing hurt as does he who spends his wealth only to be seen by people and does not believe in Allah and the Last Day. The example of his spending is that of a rock with a thin coating of earth upon it: when a heavy rain smites it, the earth is washed away, leaving the rock bare; such people derive no gain from their acts of charity. Allah does not set the deniers of the Truth on the Right Way." (Al-Baqarah:264)

Obviously those who have adopted 'non-Islamic' rites in marriage, indulge in extravagant expenses up to the point where financial loans are necessary. We know how detestable it is to loan with interest etc. So it's best if we could spend according to what we could afford. Insha'Allah.

Offering gifts (Hantaran/wedding presents)

'Hantaran' on it's own is already known as a form of exhibitionism. I remember about 15 years ago when my brother got married, his hantaran was mostly food (for the families) and clothing. But now, the more 'hantaran' you give, the superior you'll appear. People would stand closely and thoroughly examine each and every gift given on that day way before the bride/groom gets a chance to. And expressions such as "WOW!! That LV (or insert any designer names) handbag must've cost him a bomb!!" "She gave him an iPad for his hantaran???? Ohh, I must get that for mine too." Everyone will compare and wanting the same or more for their day just because others have done it.

Iskandar and I had hantaran too. My Mom didn't like the idea of hantaran as it's such a waste of money and just annoying to decorate it etc etc. During my sis' wedding, she didn't have any hantaran. So on mine, we just bought nice boxes and put the 'gifts' in the box and not let anyone see it but the groom's family when they have brought it home. We didn't know there was a session whereby you had to say what was being presented. Since my Uncle was the spokesperson, he didn't have any idea what was in the boxes either. So he just settled by saying "I'm sure you will like and appreciate what ever is presented to you in these boxes, Insha'Allah". It is good to give presents, no doubt, as Aishah (Radhi Allahu Anha) said, the Messenger of Allah (Salallahu Alaihi Wassalam) is reported to have said, "Give presents to one another, for a present removes hatred." (Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud)

However, the concept is wrong when people give the present in a great show to an extent of wrapping it in transparent paper (or not wrapping it). The recipient will also make a note of who gave what so that in future they know what to give in return (depending how much it costs). Instead of an honest and wholehearted gift, people are exchanging presents either because they received something from the past or expects something in the future. The barakah and love one may hope to get is lost because either the receiver finds it a burden to 'reply' in future or even the giver will silently suffer until he receives a gift similar to the one he gave.

There are also in some communities whereby the presents (usually money) are being kept by the parents because to them, the bride has only received them because the parents had given them in the past. So these people treat their daughters as if they are their financial assets. Like in my case, I willingly let my parents have all the money because I didn't fork out anything for the reception. So, it's only fair since they paid for all of it. It's best to ask if the bride/groom need the money as they might need it for their journey to start a family soon.

Blessing the couple

The Hindu tradition orders that the assembled guests and relatives bless the bride/couple: the women stroke their fingers over the heands and faces of the couple, reciting some verses over them and then cracking their fingers against their own heads. Alright, we Malays don't really do this kind of things but the idea of merenjis is definitely from this tradition, right? The Paraskara Grhya Sutra also guides that after having blessed the couple the guest must go back to their seats/home. So, that's so much like the merenjis event in our culture.

Most of the Hindu ceremonies are symbolic. Some of the classes symbolises union and others in desire to promote fertility or to assure abundance of food for the household. Some ceremonies are also to ward off danger and evil spirited. Sadly, MOST of the Indians rituals are adopted in Muslim weddings. I'm sure you'd think, what's wrong with promoting, fertility etc etc, the point here is, a prayer/do'a for the couple is sufficient enough. One doesn't have to go such extremes to give well wishes to the couple or family members. We must constantly compare and contrast our practices with those ordained by the Glorious Quran and the Sunnah. Follow what is right and reject what is outside the bounds of Islam. Allah says in the Quran: Verily, this is My Way, Leading straight: follow it: Follow not (other) paths: They will scatter you about From His great Path: Thus He commands you, That you may be righteous. (Al An'am:153)

Suffice to say, the event mentioned above have now became a highly exhibitionist one wherein family members try to out-perform one another in expectation on applause from the other guests. Nauzubillahi Minzalik. Since now we know that most of the traditions came from other religions, wouldn't it be nice if we were to dismiss them and follow our Prophet's teachings? Why not we start to invite people to join us in the sane and noble way of Islam rather than we trade our Islam for their disastrous way of life? That's a thought for us all. :)

I'll end this entry here by saying, Allah knows best!!! I also pray that we will all assist each other and take heed of the great counsel from the ayah of Quran and the Sunnah so that in the life hereafter we join and stand with the people of the Ummah of the Prophet Muhammad (Salallahu Alaihi Wassalam). Amin!

Final part: Islam is a religion FOR planning!

Salaam.

This entry is longgggggg overdue! It is a continuation for this and this entries. I'm so sorry for being a procrastinator. I've been doing a lot of reading and get really excited and if possible want to share it with all of you straight away! So that's why I keep changing from topic to topic. I try to accommodate my writings to readers preference. Insha'Allah. If you all have any topic in mind at all, do give a shoutout so I can do research on it. Insha'Allah.

Just for the record, I'm doing some reading on home schooling. As soon as I finish the Wedding entries, I will get started on the 'home schooling' entries :) In case some of you are eager to know, the books I'm reading are supporting home schooling to such an extent! I'm not planning to home school Khairaldin but these bookS are making it too appealing! *Stay tuned* But please bear with me as in between those 'educational' entries, there will be stories of my precious baby boy. It's something I would want him to look back and read through. Insha'Allah.

So, moving on. Here's the excerpt from the book regarding children's right to sleeping arrangement. 'The child has the right to have an independent or separate sleeping arrangement. This comes from Prophet's saying: "Instruct your children in praying at age seven, punish them if they fail [to practice] at age ten; and let them sleep separately from one another" Authenticated by Ahmad Ibn Hanbal. The sleeping arrangement will be a separate room, a separate corner, a separate bed/mat for each child (especially during adolescence).

There is a dilemma in this regard that has to be mitigated. The average size of a Muslim family is 6-7 children. How many families can afford to provide separate sleeping arrangements for them?'

Basically, here it shows that family planning is permissible. Spacing of children and adjusting the numbers to the family's means are a part of the solution as well as improving the housing situation of the family. There are many reasons given but like I said, it is how we would want to pecieve it. Do always pray that Allah will show us to the right path.

Alhamdulillah, I have now managed to finish up my entries regarding family planning in Islam. I really hope all of you have managed to benefit something out of these entries. Whatever our question may be, always remember that the answer is in the Al-Quran and/or Sunnah. Since these are the only guidance we have left for us now, let's try and make full use of it.

I pray that we will all be guided to the right path. Amin.

Ps: JazakAllah Khair to all of you who have stopped by to read my entries. Even if I don't get that many comments, your frequent footsteps show that you've enjoyed my entries. Alhamdulillah, I'm really pleased that I can share all of that I know with others whom are interested. Thank you :)
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Part 2: Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic traditions

Before I continue with Part 2 of Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic traditions, let me just say that I have no intention on trying to appear holier than anyone else. My entries are merely a reminder to all of us. As you can see from the pictures below, my wedding was one of the 'let's follow suit' type of wedding. After reading the book I realised how ridiculous my thoughts were at that time. Just so you all know, my Mom wanted a real simple wedding but I added one too many things that forced me to resort to my credit card (since my parents didn't want to pay for unnecessary things). So, think before we follow our 'nafsu'! Right, so, that's been cleared up.

In Islam, we have the holy book Quran and Sunnah to guide us through this world and hereafter to make life so much easier and not a burden (like I always say and keep reminding myself). If in the Quran and Sunnah doesn't state any prohibition on certain things, then it's not our right to say that a thing is 'Haram' or 'Bida'ah' without any solid proof. Religion and tradition do come hand in hand. One cannot dismiss tradition without any valid reason. So, if something from the tradition might bring trouble to your life then of course you can choose to dismiss the tradition. Reason I say tradition is also important is because, we might want our wedding to be simple and Islamic but there are a few odd people wanting us to 'spice it up' by putting some tradition into it. Somehow, we are adamant that we don't want to and after all, it is our big day so our choice? By telling the person "No, I don't want to!", in a way it could offend them and in Islam we are supposed to care about other people's feeling hence by offending the person our 'Islamic' intention would end up being "Un-Islamic". It is important that we know how to answer these type of people without offending them. Let them know the reasons, for instance, "no I can't because it's really over my budget and I do not want to get into debt just for it. Furthermore, our religion HIGHLY encourages us to avoid debt". Here's an excerpt from Tirmidhi "Whoever dies free from 3 things- arrogance, cheating and debt- will enter paradise" also "The soul of a believer is held hostage by his debt in his grave until it is all paidoff." So, little things like this could help us stay away from such miserable debts. Insha'Allah. Hopefully by reasoning with these type of people might make them fully understand our intention. If they insist and want to pay for it, then that's ok since we are not putting ourself into debt even before the big day. Furthermore, in order to get married we have to be financially stable.

Again, I would like to remind my readers that it is not our right to say those things listed in the list below is either 'Haram' or 'Bida'ah'. For as long as you have the money to organise a big wedding and still can support your wife later on then go on, spoil yourself! Personally, I would rather be moderate in spending during the big day as it might end up being the "talk about" wedding. Also it's better to spend the hard earned money with the husband-to-be to start our new journey ahead :) Oh yeah, always remember though, whatever money we spend has to be fair and not waste them unnecessarily. An excerpt from Sahih Bukhari & Muslim: Abu Hurayrah reported that Prophet (peace be upon him) said "The worst food is the food of the wedding feast (Walimah) to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out. If anyone rejects an invitation, he has rebelled against Allah and His Messenger." Not only the food have to be Halal but also have to make sure of whom the attendees are. Also for those being invited, it is AGAINST the Sunnah to refuse an invitation to a Walimah, without a valid excuse.

Now, I list down the things that have been adopted from the Christian religion. It is up to you to evaluate how many items mentioned below have became important and even compulsory parts of a wedding in our community and to assess the consequences of such rite. Wallahualam.

Engagement rings (Cincin tanda/merisik in some cases)
This began in the Roman Era and later carried on by the Christians. They believe that engagement is a contract sworn before witnessed and solemnised by a ring. If either of them died, they are still being considered in the Will. They also believe that it is bad luck to lose or damage the ring as future happiness will be jeopardise.

In Islam however, it's suffice to say that there is no concept of engagement. The Sunnah is to marry the couple without unnecessary delay once they have agreed to marry. Money and people's time will not be wasted having to attend one too many ceremonies.

Wedding ring
The Church of England suggest a reason for choosing the fourth finger on the left hand as the wedding ring finger (but I think our tradition is to wear it on the right hand) : The English 'Christian' custom dictates that after the Priest has blessed the ring, the bridegroom should place it, first, on the bride's thumb with the words; "In the name of the father" then on the index finger "and the son" then on the middle finger "and of the holy ghost" and finally on the fourth finger "Amen".
There are also a few superstitions come with the wedding ring:
1) A wedding ring must never be bought on a Friday as it is an ill reputation day in Christianity.
2) Should not be bought through mail order catalogue as bad luck from others could be absorbed.
3) The ring must never be put on before the ceremony or at any time by anyone but the owner. (I know this is something the Malays do. If other than the owner puts it on, they might end up marrying the person who put it on first!)

Wedding dress
Fashion and the aristocracy introduced the white wedding dress. White epitomises purity and also is said to deter the evil eye. At Orthodox Jewish weddings the groom as well as the bride wear white.

Tiara
Christians started this tradition. Crowning typifies purity and at early Christian weddings the couple were crowned by the Priest after he had blessed the marriage. The importance of wearing a crown is held in such a high esteem within the church that in some regions the crowns were bought by the parish and lent to all so that brides rich and poor might appear 'at their best' on their wedding day.

Wedding cakeThe main origin is the Christian Church. The ritual text has been reiterated many of times. Again, it is used as blessings from the Priests. The Christian culture also believes that its symbolic meaning is that the cake is considered to become the body of Christ. Which will then follow with a wine session.

**I don't want to overload all of you with loads of info in one entry so, I will continue on a different entry about cake cutting as it is in depth and will be an entry on its own. If you are still interested, I will also write up on traditions that have been adopted from the Indian traditions. Insha'Allah.

Salam (Peace).

Wedding customs & Non-Islamic traditions!

Assalamualaikum my dear readers :)

This year seems to be the year of getting hitched for most of my friends and Iskandar's friends and also some family members. It's a shame we couldn't attend any of the weddings. I LOVE weddings, in case you didn't know ;) But I've only attended a handful of weddings and mostly it's from immediate or close relatives. Being in the UK restricts us from attending some of our close friends big day. I had to miss my own best friend's wedding. Sad sad :( I've now accepted the fact that I am only able to attend 'virtual' weddings. LOL! So if that's the case, then I am ok with it :)

Anyway, Khairaldin's been 'clearing' up our books that we have 'put aside' thinking we won't need it for a long long time. While he was clearing up, I saw a book that my Mom got fairly recently. It's called 'Wedding Customs & Non-Islamic Traditions'. I've read this book before, but it was way after my wedding :( It is such a good book to read if you are ready (or not so ready) to get married.

I know a few people who thinks wedding is a burden. I can't agree more! Wedding receptionS ARE a burden! And guess what, this is self-imposed by ourselves and not our religion- Islam! Most of our friends are not married because of the high expectations on wedding ceremonies. To hold an extravagant ceremony is only an exhibition of one's wealth. Impressing people during a wedding ceremony is a MUST. So we have to incur unwanted costs to make the wedding a 'memorable' one. After all, people who hold simple weddings are labelled as poor or miserly. Isn't that right?

Hosting wedding ceremony is a pressure! You not only get pressure from direct family members but also from social pressure, even from those who are not married! They either want you to hold a wedding that is against Shari'ah or simply an unislamic wedding. I've been through it. However, reading this book has made me realised that these people have personal vested interests. They want you to host such a wedding so it's easier for them to host the same type in the future. After all, you did it, so why can't they? This is only a way of Shaytan trying to say that 'if everybody is doing it, it can't be bad!' Have you not felt that way before? If majority of people are doing it, you'd feel less guilty. After all norm is normal.

Allah (SWT) have made our religion easy for us. A religion where it will fit anyone and everyone (poor, rich, disabled, abled etc etc). HE has always been fair in everything HE planned for us to live with. Why do we have to make life so complicated? Here's an excerpt narrated by Abu Dawud: Anas (RA)reports that Prophet (peace be upon him) said "Do not place hardships upon yourselves, otherwise Allah will put hardships upon you. Any nation that chose hardship was put into hardship by Allah."

So make like easier. Marriage is not a ritual but an act of 'Ibadah. It is a contract between the groom and the bride, with the bride's guardian, two male witnesses and a Mahr. There should also be a public celebration (walimah) open to all to let others know of the marriage. Somewhere along the way, we have made it difficult by getting into debts to do an extravagant wedding that only take into acount the tradition. Nikah ceremony has remained intact but sadly, this is the event with the least number of attendees. It's truly a shame!!!

If I could re-do my wedding, I would try and do it as Islamic as possible. However, that ship has sailed and this is only a mere reminder for my brothers and sisters in Islam. Let us change and start a new wedding reception as Prophet (peace be upon him) said "Most blessings is in matrimony which is simple and free from trouble." Also Prophet (peace be upon him said) "He who chooses for himself or herself the mode of a people (customs and rites) will be regarded as them."

We pray to Almighty Allah this entry (and followups) will become a source of inspiration to conduct weddings in accordance with the Quran and Sharia'h. AMIN!!!

Ps: I will write a follow up entry on the significant of engagement and wedding rings, wedding dress, the tiara, wedding cake & cutting cake and flowers in the Christian belief. We follow other rituals but sometime we do it blindly. Time to open our eyes and think for ourselves. Insha'Allah, I will not delay these entries.

Newborn checklist

I have been getting a few PMs from Mommies-to-be wanting to know what things to buy for their newborn baby. I was 'chosen' because I am a SAHM and our household income is rather low. So a few of you are wondering how we managed to do so. To begin with, I live with my parents, so most of the household stuffs are paid for by them so we only buy things for ourselves and 'the baby'. Four months before Khairaldin's debut, I was made redundant from work. So I was really in the only get-the-necessity attitude. At that time we could not spend much so we really made sure whatever we get is for a long term period and not for a few weeks old and that's it.

Anyway, it's been almost a year ago since I bought stuffs for 'new arrival' baby. I might miss out some important stuffs needed so it's best if you Mommies have a few lists in hand to just compare with mine. :) I got my list from Iza, who recommended me Mothercare's baby checklist. As you can see below, the list have all the so called "necessities". Even though it's too detailed, I find that Mothercare lists down almost everything you need to have to welcome your baby for the first 3 months. These items listed is to get you Mommies prepared for the first 3 months. Once you've got used to having th baby around, I think you'd be able to go out shopping for more items. But these are essentials and to stop you from worrying on what to get whilst you're on confinement. Insha'Allah.

Credits: Mothercare Malaysia

Before I break the lists down into sections, I'd just like to tell you Mommies that it might be easier if you have decided on what type of parenting skills you want to practise. For instance, are you into natural parenting (ie; co-sleeping, cloth diapering, babywearing and breastfeeding) or conventional parenting (ie; sleeping in a cot, disposable diapers, pushchairs and bottle-feed). If you are into conventional parenting, I could only say that you are reading the wrong blog because being a SAHM you tend to practise natural parenting due to not so luxurious funds coming in at the end of the month. ;) But if you want to try both natural and conventional, then probably you will be able to get some ideas about the things to buy. Just in case, I raised Khairaldin fully natural parenting. So, I couldn't advise on things like disposable diapers, push chairs and bottle feed. Sorry.

Now, lets break the list down.

Baby clothes
6-8 sleepsuits
6-8 bodysuits3-4 daywear outfits
2-3 pairs socks2-3 scratch mitts
2-3 hats
The maximum number stated is definitely the maximum and it'll be more than enough to last you for the first 3 months. Bear in mind, people will be giving gifts and somehow they tend to buy sizes from 0-3 months. The other reason why you shouldn't buy too much of 0-3 months sizes is also because the baby gains weight rather quickly. You might be able to use the 0-3 months clothes up to 3 months or you might have to start using 3-6 months sizes after baby is 2 months old (that's what happens with Khairaldin). YES, it is very hard not to buy those cute little outfits but in the end of the day, you wouldn't wanna waste it as well, would you?

Nursery
Ok we chose to sleep with Khairaldin in the same room hence co-sleeping. So we haven't got any nursery/baby room. If you Mommies wish to sleep seperately with your baby then probably you could pick from the list the essential things. However, if you are planning to co-sleep (either on the same bed or room) then here's my list:

Baby crib (we only used this when he was about 4months old)
Snuggle nest (I didn't know the existance of this thing until I saw my sister using it. Truthfully, I think it's very practical as you don't have to wake up to constantly check if baby's blanket is covering his/her face or even if you are actually sleeping on baby. I would highly recommend it!)

Oh yeah, when Khairaldin turned 6 months, we had him sleeping on a 'proper' bed since his crib was too small for him. This bed could last him until he's 12 years old if he doesn't grow tall so quickly! :) You can either opt for extandable or non-extandable. We chose the non-extandable because we had enough space in the room. My nephew has been using the same type of bed from 6 months until he's 12 now. All we need to do is change the mattress every 4 years or so as it'll get flat by probably 4 years time. A few people questioned whether he doesn't fall from the bed since it's not a baby cot (no rails etc). Alhamdulillah, ever since he started crawling he's only fell off my bed a couple of times. He's never fallen off his bed. Every morning he'd crawl till the edge of his bed and 'call' me (not even cry!). Somehow, that'll wake me up. I'll pick him up and breastfeed him and back onto his own bed. No fuss. Alhamdulillah. I guess it's all about training and all of us will get into a routine.

I don't really fancy babycots because of its rails. Looks like they're in a cage! No offence, that's my point of view. :)

Feeding

If breastfeeding is your way, then read these entries first.

So the ultimate and important accessory would be...
BREAST PUMP (I bought Ameda Lactaline Personal Dual pump)

Most people, including yours truly, chose to buy breast pump after the baby is born only because I thought there was no neccesity as baby hardly drinks anything. Boy was I wrong! During the third day, if you are lucky, earlier, your breasts start to produce milk. Since baby doesn't or couldn't drink much at an early stage, your breast will become engorged as there's milk but it's not coming out. Imagine having to wee and can't find any toilet to let it go. Same case scenario, only more painful! Since baby could not take all of the produced milk in his/her tummy and the breast needs to be emptied, the only way to do it is to pump it all out. The good thing about breast pump is also that your milk production will become su fficient for a very long time. I've known a few friends who started pumping after baby's about 3 months and it's been really hard for them to get the milk to produce sufficiently. So after a few months, breastmilk becomes lesser and lesser. For working Mom's also, breast pump is the essential gadget.

It's up to you whether you want to buy milk storage bags or bottles. In my case, I didn't as I wasn't planning to work anytime soon. Khairaldin also doesn't like to drink from bottle so almost all of my breast milk was thrown away after pumping. However, both Iskandar and I doesn't see this as wastage because our main intention is to not get any sore boo bies and also to make sure the milk produce sufficiently. In the end of it, since Khairaldin hates bottle, we see no point keeping it for no reason. Alhamdulillah even with throwing away that much of milk, I still managed to feed him until today (9 months ++ and counting). Alhamdulillah.

Travel

Until today, I still don't own a pushchair/pram or whatever. I don't even know the difference. Hehe So, I'll leave that bit for you Mommies to decide. However, if you want to know more about babywearing, do not hesitate to ask Adriana (can Adrin?) she's the PR for Malaysian Baby Wearers so I'm sure she knows a great deal! I've only tried Ring Slings and SSC but Adriana has almost every single babywearing items. She's either tried and tested or owned it. Hehehe So, she's definitely the right person to speak to. :)

I highly recommend you Mommies to buy a CARSEAT! Safety first Moms and not forgetting, it'll only make life so much easier when you train them from small!!!! Since we didn't know our baby's sex, we bought the Ferrari carseat. Coz we thought if it's a girl, Red would be fine and if it's a boy, Ferrari will shout I'm a boy! Hahah Also our carseat lasts up to 4 years old. So that's why we bought that instead of Maxi Cosi etc, which probably lasts till 1year old the most.

Changing bag
I did buy one but hardly ever used it. I'd rather have a huge handbag to stuff everything in it. Since we also don't have a pushchair, it was easier for me to have my handbag and wear Khairaldin. So if you do a lot of travelling, then this is one of the essential.

Bathtime

We bought almost everything listed on Mothercare list. Except for non-slip bath mat, top and tail bowl, bath support and changing mat. Most changing bag now includes changing mat, so double check before buying. For the soaps etc, we bought the skincare set, lasts until now.

Playtime

Cot mobile

Play swing
As soon as your baby's eye can open, it's best to hang toys above his cot or your bed. I didn't train Khairaldin's eye to look at toys from a distance and apparently he's a bit 'juling'. So it's best to train the baby straight away. We have a few mobiles now on his bed to get him trained. Insha'Allah.

Play swing or baby bouncer is rather important if there's only the two of you in the house. When I was on my 'confinement' my MIL was around for 2 weeks but after that it's just Iskandar, Khairaldin and I. After Iskandar finished his paternity leave, it's only Khairaldin and I at home. So in order to get with the day to day job, I had to put Khairaldin in a play swing to keep him entertained for a while. That got the job done. If you are used to babywearing, you can also wear baby whilst doing housework. But I didn't have the guts to do it then. hehehe

Others

Changing unit
Baby monitor

Seriously, I think changing table is a MUST have item! I don't know if it's just me or what, but I get sore back from bending down to change Khairaldin's diaper or after his bath. It's better if baby's high up and you don't need to bend much. After pregnancy and delivery, your body just become very sensitive. So take good care of it, girls!

As for baby monitor, we didn't get any coz the house in UK is small enough and we can hear him scream even when we're downstairs. I think it's an essential when you are in Malaysia. I'm not sure, double check with other Mommies.

Diapers

12 cloth diaper covers
16-24 inserts

For the first 6 months before baby's on solids, you probably need 8-10 diapers A DAY! Or even, they're being changed every 3 hours for the first 6 months, at least. So depending on how hardworking you are, I think 12 cloth diapers should be enough. Once you get up in the morning, put the diapers in the washing machine. If you hang it by 9am, diapers should be ready to be used by 12pm. It is that quick and easy!

That is all I have or can remember at this time. If other Mommies have anything to add, please do leave your comments in the comment box. It could definitely be of some help to the new Mommies.

Till then, have fun shopping for your little ones! :)

Part 2: Are you ACTUALLY having any SEX???!!

Remember my entry about people.constantly.asking.if.

you're.pregnant.or.not? Yes, that entry. Basically, that entry was mostly through my experience and hear-says hence it was merely my personal vent ;) There was no hard based evidence in that entry.

So anyway, as I was reading the book about family planning, they coincidentally had a chapter on that 'type' of people. Basically, in the chapter he (the author) mentioned that people have misconceptions about getting married. Most people think that you get married to have babies. With his 'evidences' from the Quran, it not only strengthen my points but made me realise, what is the world getting into, why can't we think more like a Muslim?

In the Quran, Al-Roum (30:21) it's been mentioned "And one of (Allah's) sign is, that He has created for you mates from yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and has ordained between you Love and Mercy". In another Surah Al-A'raf (7:189) "It is He who created you from a single soul and therefrom did make his mate, that he might dwell in tranquilty with her."

Ironically, what this Sura' is trying to point out is that, Allah asks us to get married (when the time comes) and be merry and celebrate love with your partner. Both Sura' did not mention about children or procreation. It only suggests tranquility as an overall purpose of marriage! This is the case because everyone can achieve tranquility BUT not all couples are fertile. Allah knows best. So, Allah wants us to enjoy the marriage for as long as we want until we are ready to have babies (but actually it is HE who knows that we are ready and showering us with the baby(ies)).

However, procreation is important to maintain the human race. Other verses in the Quran do mention procreation; Surah Al-Nahl (16:72) "And Allah has made for you mates from yourselves and made for you out of them, children and grandchildren". Without a doubt procreation is an expectation in marriage but it is not its exclusive purpose. Even when procreation takes place, it should only help to support and endorse tranquility rather than disrupt them. Certain people are happier with having baby(ies) in their life therefore they would want to have the baby soonest. If that makes them happier, by all means, Allah is so much happier for them :)

Surprise surprise, this is where Islam differs to other religion. In other religion, procreation is the exclusive purpose of marital relations. So to those who still go through those annoying questions, it's time you stood up and say "we are enjoying our tranquility!" Or even, highlight them to the Sura' mentioned. Hehehe

It is now clear that marriage and family formation in Islam require a good deal of planning. Since we have to consider (ie; planning) so many things before getting married like health wise, money wise, the type of wife etc etc. Then, it is only fair to also plan on when to have child(ren). In the end of it all, always always remember that Allah knows what's best for us all. Insha'Allah, we can only plan but the decision is only in HIS hand.

Insha'Allah there will be more open minded people in our generations. :) Thank you all for reading and contributing. Jazakallahu Khairan (May Allah s.w.t grant you goodness).
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Islam is a religion FOR planning!

Al-Qamar (Sura 54:49)- We have created everything according to a LAW!

Before I start this entry, I would like y'all to read it with an open mind and decide for yourselves (in light of the evidences). As you know, guidance comes from Allah and not anyone else. So, it's best we ask HIM to guide us to the straight path, Ameen!!

Personally, I've always wanted to know the best way to 'plan' for babies. I remember when I was in school, we were being taught that contraception is Haraam. Reason being, it's like we are trying to 'play' god. So I was thinking, if all Muslims don't plan, won't they end up with one too many babies? Hmmm. Since Khairaldin was born until recently, we were playing it safe as I'm not ready to have another one but at the same time, we didn't take any type of contraception thinking that it was Haraam. It came to a point where I was 'scared' I might get pregnant, because I am not ready (if you've been following my blog you would notice this! Hehehe).

One day, I followed Iskandar to his Uni library. As he was browsing for his books I thought I might as well grab some books to fill my too much spare time. Hehehe Then, this book caught my eye 'Family planning in the legacy of Islam'. I read the sypnosis and thought, MUST read further! So I asked him to borrow the book for me. Guess what, I managed to finish it within a few hours. :) Only because I was too determined. I didn't manage to blog about it earlier as I was scared I might deliver it differently to the book. Thus, when you read this, it is mostly my understanding on what I've read. If any of you are clueless or need more info, don't hesitate to ask. I can always check back with the book. Insha'Allah.

Basically the book starts with saying, 'the Qur'an reveals no text prohibiting the prevention of pregnancy'. During Prophet's (S.A.W) time, there are several traditions that indicates its permissibility. One of it was called al-azl (coitus interruptus) where the husband ejaculates outside the wife's vagina. Different Mazhabs have different views about contraception, however, Prophet (S.A.W) knew that his sahaba was practising al-azl but never prohibited it. Therefore, contraception is lawful as stated above.

The use of contraceptive methods have to be of a mutual agreement between husband & wife. There are a few acceptable reasons for preventing pregnancy:

1) Preservation of the wife's beauty & fitness, protecting her from the dangers of labour
2) Need to avoid economic embarrassment (not able to support the family)
3) To allow breast feeding time for at least 2 years old (danger of changed milk from a pregnant mother)

The question became rather 'heated' because of modern contraceptive methods (male/female condoms, pills, calendar method etc etc). Some say that taking pills are like killing the babies or even IUD makes you STOP conceiving. This has been noted that as long as it's for temporary period of time, then it is permitted. There has been cases that people with IUD could still get conceive. Hence, it is not a permanent impairment to fertility. However, permanent impairment of fertility is a definite no-NO, for instance sterilisation! The reason temporary methods are allowed is because we still rely on Allah (tawakkal) to take control of what happens next. In the end of the day, if Allah wills to create a soul, NO ONE can stop Him. The other reason is also because the semen in itself is not yet a human being, therefore there is no harming or killing happens in that stage. It only prevents the semen from mingling with the ovum. ;)

Islam is not only a religion. It is also a social system, a culture and civilisation. So, it has it values, ideals and goals. It is a religion of ease, not hardship, moderation, planning and of course a religion for ALL times. No matter how the world is changing, Islam can always accommodate to it.
As we know parents have their rights in parenting skills. However, children also have their rights and this is even before they were born. The ten paramount rights of children in Islam:

1) The right of genetic purity (they have the right to born with no actual or potential genetic disorders. If parents happen to know that they have genetic disorder, this is the ONLY reason they can opt to get a sterilisation in order to not have any children)
2) The right to life (Islam prohibits killing a child for ANY reason at all!)
3) The right to legitimacy & good name (Self explanatory, yeah?)
4) The right to breast feeding, shelter, maintenance & health care
5) The right to separate sleeping arrangements for children (Authenticated by Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, instruct your children in prayer at age SEVEN, punish them if they fail to practice at age TEN, and let them sleep separately from one another)
6) The right to future security (Sahih Al-Bukhari: To leave your heirs rich is better than leaving them dependent upon people's charity)
7) The right to religious training and good upbringing (parents are RESPONSIBLE for instilling their children religious beliefs of Islam.)
8) The right to education and training in sports and self defence.
9) The right to equitable treatment regardless of gender.
10) The right that their supports comes only from legitimate sources.

So, if we can't fulfil the children's right by all means we can practise family planning. However like I mentioned, if Allah wants a child to be conceived, it will. Even contraception pills are said to be 99.9% accurate, apparently. Even Mary managed to have Isa without any sexual intercourse. Take or do what you want but in the end, it all comes down to our creator. If he wants to give us more, there's just no stop to it. For every child, there's always rezeki to it. Insha'Allah.

Hopefully, you guys have managed to grasp some ideas about family planning in Islam as much as I have. Sorry for whatever mistakes being said in this entry as I've tried my best to make it as easy to understand :)

***Insha'Allah I will blog further on children's right (Number 5 to be precise). It made me think for a moment and I now don't look down upon people who have 2-3 children even if they are planning. Because in Islam, sleeping pattern in children is a right on its own. Will continue soon, Insha'Allah.

Contraceptive pills picture was googled, not mine. :D
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