My third baby's 100th day and my 200th post!!

Masha'Allah! How amazing is that? Celebrating my 200th post with a story of my third child's debut to the world? It's nice to have a blog where I can jot down the important things in my life. At least, some of it. :) Just for the record, this baby was a rather planned one, because I said after I come back from hajj, I want another baby. And BAM, AllahuAkbar! That will be in a different blog altogether. Allah's miracles!

So here's how he went down or even, came out.....

My third pregnancy went by so quickly, at one point. Towards the end of it, when I became bigger and heavier, I felt like there was more than 24 hours in a day! I.just.wanted.the.baby.to.be.out.of.me like as soon as possible. People say that by the third pregnancy, baby will come out at least 2-3 weeks earlier. LIES!!!!! My baby hanged on to my womb for as long as he could. I felt like it's gonna be an induced baby. Every single time I attend my prenatal check-ups there were no sign of baby coming out any earlier. As keen as I was, I was still scared to go through the whole delivery process. So anyway, I gave up counting the days and just went with the flow. My final days were on the month of Ramadhan. I could've "easily" fasted the whole month but I kept telling myself I needed the food and energy in case baby comes out.

On the 21st Ramadhan 1435 = 19th July 2014, the last 9 days of Ramadhan, my Dad's company had Iftar and Qiamulail at their company's hotel. The plan was for Khalid and Aizah to stay with my parents, nephew and niece at the hotel because I just needed some time off from them. THE PLAN. So, I went to the hotel at 3p.m to drop them off for their sleepover. I was so sleepy and tired by the time we reached the hotel (yeah, it not only happens during pregnancy, I need afternoon naps! haha). I took an hour nap and got up for Asar prayers. Everything was well and dandy. I did not feel any sign of giving birth at all! At about 6p.m, my parents came to my room asking if we wanna join them for Du'a Selamat and Yassin recitation. I asked them to go ahead first because we were not ready. At about 6:30p.m I went downstairs and was just in time for the du'a selamat and my Dad's speech to officiate the Qimullail. It was a heartfelt speech as my Dad was  crying when giving his speech. I cried too (blame the hormones). But yes his speech did touch us in so many ways. :'(

When everything was done, I took the kids out of the hall to have some quiet time. By then it was nearing Iftar. At that moment, I had a few moments of 'stomach cramps'. It was happening every 15 minutes. Being the person that I am, so laid back. I said, no this couldn't be contraction. Probably just braxton hicks since I've not got that during my pregnancy. Before Iftar, I went to the toilet and there was stain. To say it was a stain was also very tricky because it was literally ONE teeny-weeny-itsy-bitsy brown dot. So I left it as it is but just in case, I did tell Iskandar what was happening and you can see the excitement on his face!Yeah, weird right?!

We went to our room to pray Maghrib because I just could not stand up to pray in my last trimester. So, the kids and my niece prayed in our room and I went to the toilet straight after. Had episodes of tummy ache and the cramps were coming closer at 10minutes interval. We went downstairs again to have our dinner. This time I knew it was contractions! I could not walk when it was happening and had to stop at every instance it was happening. Since it was my Dad's company's event, people were stopping me and asking me questions like, "when are you due?" "Your tummy looks so low." I just said "my due date is on the 21st July, so it could be anytime now" whilst bearing the contraction pain.

We got to the dining table safely and I made sure my kids had their dinner. By this time it was already 8+p.m. I also had my dinner as I did not have that much food during the day. Whilst having dinner I was already feeling the contractions every 5 minutes!! But nothing comes between me and FOOD! Everyone knows that! Just before I finished eating, my Mom asked, "are you going back after this?" I just told her, "I think I'm going to the hospital, I don't feel right." My Mom thought I was just pulling a fast one because I was gonna leave the kids behind. I was like whatever. Went to my Dad, told him I'm going to the hospital and of course he had to announce to the whole table that I was sooo due but still wanna come. So, we salam and kissed our parents and shoot straight for the car. At that point, I was really dragging myself out of the hotel. Asked the jockey for our car and they took their time to give our keys. HOW FUN! I'm sure it wasn't that long but it did feel forever!

Pic courtesy of Google

Oh, did I mention the hotel was in KL and my hospital was in Sungai Buloh? Oh and also, we didn't bring the baby bag or Red Book with us. Sooooo, we had to go back home. We arrived home at 9:30p.m, I told Iskandar I wanna stay in the bath for a while. Because in UK they'd asked to have a warm bath first before coming in. Warm bath will soothe the contraction. Iskandar prayed Isha' whilst I was just waiting for the contraction to "go off". As if! By the time he finished solat, I asked him to time my contractions and it was still every 5 minutes. So I came out of the bath, solat Isha' and rushed out to the hospital. Before that I managed to take my Qaseh Adinda supplement since I definitely need the energy if I was gonna deliver then.

Pic courtesy of Google

Arrived the hospital at 10:30p.m, Alhamdulillah it was so smooth sailing. Got our parking space easily and we walked to the maternity ward....dragging-ly!!!!!! I had to stop at every contraction!!! We registered at the counter only to know that husbands aren't allowed to go in for the check up. So they strapped me on the ECG and what nots for a good 20minutes. They told me my graph was "nice" since my contraction was quite constant. I have NOOOO IDEA what that means! I had to wait in the waiting room to see the doctor and there was so many joyful people who was asking me questions! Even though they know my contractions were constant, they still waited for an answer while I had to deal with the contractions myself! Then we went to see the Doctor which then told me I was already 5cm dilated! That's good news for me because at least I can be in the delivery room with Iskandar. Remember I said THE PLAN was for us to have our time since the kids are away, hey, why not make it memorable and have a date in the delivery room, yes?? No? ;)

Pic courtesy of Google

Little did I know, Husbands are not allowed in until the wives are about 10cm dilated. 10 CM ok!!! What theeeee? I really needed the support. I think I kept bugging them with the question "can my Husband come in now? I need to tell him what's going on." They 'assured' me everything is in good hands and he's well informed. Ok fine. The doctor came in again to break my waterbag. It felt soooo good to have my waterbag break. I know if they didn't break it, I will stay there forever. I asked the Doctor if my Husband can come in before he breaks my waterbag because with Aizah, literally 2 mins after my waterbag broke she was already coming out. The Doctor said, it's ok, we will wait and see. I don't think it will happen that soon. Alright, you should know, I thought. Tick tock tick tock. It was already 11:30p.m. The Doctor said that I was already about 6cm dilated, so accordingly I should be giving birth by 4a.m. earliest.....

WRONG!!!!!!! 12a.m I told the nurses I think I really need to push the baby out, I can really feel it. I remember the nurses taking their time putting their gloves etc and said, "tunggu ye. We all kena prepare, kalau betul baby nak keluar nanti takde barang2". I told them "Tak boleh tunggu!!! Betul nak keluar dah ni!!!!!" They just told me to selawat and zikir. So  I did. Then they checked me, I was already 10cm and they can feel baby's head! Remember my husband wasn't with me? Yeah they had to rush and tell Iskandar to come in. But they didn't tell him baby is soooo coming out! When he came to the delivery room all calm and collected, switch on the Quranic Mp3 for me and asked so what's new? I just told him I'm about to push!!!!! He quickly held my hand and gave encouragement. Haha Such a natural! :) However, at this point I just couldn't feel any contraction so everyone was just waiting. When it came, I just pusheddddddddd!!!Unfortunately, I don't really count how many pushes it was. The next think I know, baby was already out.

Alhamdulillah at 12:17a.m on 22nd Ramadhan 1435; 20th July 2014, Raja Sa'ad Salahuddin made debut to the world. He's such an amazing baby, Masha'Allah. Actually, all my kids are amazing in their own way.  Everything was well for the both of us Alhamdulillah. By 12p.m the same day, the doctor discharged the both of us. AND THAT'S WHY I LOVE GOVERNMENT HOSPITALS! I get so restless staying in hospitals that I kept bugging them I wanna go home so they checked me up and let us go on the day itself.

Three months on and he's still the same easy-to-handle baby that he is. SubhanAllah Alhamdulillah.

I'm sure you are all 'eager' to know my experience between UK care and Malaysia. I shall blog about it like I always say... soon! :D:D:D Insha'Allah.

My loves.

I feel so bad for not updating about Khairaldin and Layina for a while now! This blog is supposed to be their platform to reminisce the fond memories if one day I leave the world before getting the chance to tell them what they're like when they're babies. But somehow I feel that jotting down every single thing couldn't justify the whole "being there" memories. So now I have chosen to be there with them more rather than clicking away on my phone and taking lots of their pics as memories. Because, I might even miss a few things that are more important when I am busy setting up the camera/phone. So the memory remains in me.

Saying that, my kids now find the necessity to "self potrait" or document their everyday routines. Hehe they kinda took over my "job". Here's a picture of Layina being vain and capturing hereself and the other is a picture of Khairaldin capturing his "what I ate today". Blogger much? ;)

It scares me how much they mimic what I say and do! However, I am glad I get to be there and make sure I'm showing them what is good and bad. I always get praises on how well behaved my kids are and all I have to say is, Alhamdulillah I was made redundant almost 4 years ago as this is definitely the best job ever- MOTHERHOOD! Only a mother can discipline, care and love the child all at the same time. It's true that you have to be there in your kids' life for them to be there for yours later on. I couldn't have learn all this if my mom was a working mom. I'm sure she went thru a lot to bring the 7 of us up but I'm sure she never regretted being a Mother first before anything else. I love my mom so much! Alhamdulillah for the chance to still learn from her on how to bring up my own children.

Lots of love.

Content. SubhanAllah.

I have been so busy and content. SubhanAllah. Never imagined my life would turn out this way. Blessed.

I've a new hangout place now. :) www.craftsy.com. Whoever "invented" online sewing classes are genius. Giving SAHMs the chance to do more with their time. Alhamdulillah, I cant believe how blessed I am to have stumbled upon the site. It's definitely what I have been thinking about doing for the past few months. Sewing classes from £13 and no expiry dates? Simply amazing! If you're another SAHM trying something new, I advice the site for you. There's so many arts and crafts on there!

Alhamdulillah for an amazing husband who supports me not only financially but also emotionally and physically. Haha He understands when I suddenly pick a fight with him it's not that he's done something wrong but mostly because of my materials not cooperating with me ;) SubhanAllah. I would've given up with myself way before I started but he saw something I have never seen in myself! He guides me through even though he doesn't know anything about sewing!! O Allah, thank u!

Of course my parents who stocks up my materials every now and then!! Alhamdulillah. And for an amazing mom who's given me the sewing genes. Hehe 

But, I couldn't have done it if it wasn't for such amazing kids. SubhanAllah. Khairaldin and Layina understands my sewing time! Khairaldin talks about material as much as I do! Cut like this like that, pink is better than green. I don't know how I managed to have a hobby and raising 2 amazing kids along side. 

Yes, Alhamdulillah.

Sew bored!

Hahaha I know I'm getting tad bit lame with the sewing titles ;p. But heck, I was bored (even though I had to look after 4 kids) and decided to use up my bits and pieces. Thank god for skinny niece, I managed to make a butterfly top for her! Will post up a picture of her wearing it, which I'm sure she'll wear it tomorrow. Hehe she's just like her dad, will wear new things as soon as they get hold of it. :) Hi Abang!! (if you're reading this ;)

Anyways, Iskandar's busy with his PhD proposal so I managed to get some 'me' time. I love sewing. No wonder our Prophet sallahualaihiwassalam would sew and mend his own clothes. It is so therapeutic (when u get the hang of it that is hehe).

Alright then, I better go now.

Wassalam.

**updated**

Breastfeeding Friendly Maxi Dress

Well hello, Assalamualaikum. It has been a while since I last visited my site. Alhamdulillah shukur I have been very busy with life. As I've blogged before, I now have a hobby- sewing! and Masha'Allah, it's been the greatest hobby ever. You see, I have never been a shopaholic. It's almost impossible to find any attire that's Muslimah friendly + breastfeeding friendly. When I had Khairaldin, I bought every single long sleeved blouse that I could get hold off. Unfortunately when Layina came, the fashion became rather weird. People were into sheer clothing and believe me it's like a waste of money to actually buy those type of clothing! Ridiculously expensive and doesn't serve any purpose. So, that's when I decided I wanna start sewing. (Well, other than the fact that my Mom's getting older and she's the only sewist everyone depend on in this family :) 

Alhamdulillah, ever since I started sewing which was about 3 months ago, I have managed to make 3 breastfedding friendly maxi dresses + it's muslimah friendly as well!! I am so excited that I can now nurse in public without having to worry about exposing my breasts. Like I mentioned in one of my many posts, to be a successful "breastfeeder", mothers have to attend to their child's need as soon as possible. For instance Layina, she gets upset if I don't feed her as soon as she demands it. And that girl really knows how to sulk! Alhamdulillah she's still being breastfed up till today (16 months, Mahsa'Allah!).

Anyway, I'm getting rusty at typing now. Shame! I seriously need to find time to blog in between my sewing. Do let me know if any of you are interested with the maxi dress. Since I can only own a few dress during this Winter season, I'm planning to sell some of it at affordable price approximately RM45. Btw, it's jersey material. InshaAllah I'll update on other designs I have worked on. Unfortunately I can only sew the designs that I have worked on but if you do have a design in mind, do let me know :)

Till next time inshaAllah.

Ps: might put up an 'in action' picture in case you are wondering how it's breastfeeding friendly ;)

Because I just felt like blogging.

Today marked Khairaldin's first week of school. Unfortunately, he didn't manage to attend school today because both Layina and him was down with cold and cough. I didn't want other kids to catch their illness so I thought it was good to have them both at home. My oh my! I was partly wrong. Even though it's only been a week, I have totally forgotten how to manage two kids at once. Layina being her girly possessive self (like Mommy, apparently) didn't let Abang Khalid be anywhere near me. Every time she sees me hugging Khairaldin she will come wailing for help. Sigh. Girls will be girls. Abang Khalid is such an understanding brother. He would always give in and come back when the time is right. Alhamdulillah shukur.

Sometimes I wonder how do people cope with having their kids at home up till 5/6 years old?? Ok, those without maids. How do you cope? I'm really thankful that Khairaldin starts school at this age. It is just a prefect age and it gives me time to bond with Layina. Which also brings me to the thought of having another baby because Layina is way too clingy. Iskandar thinks it is best if she has a baby brother or sister soon. Hmmmmmm. Insha'Allah. In all honesty, I do want the kids age gap to be around 2 years old because it's super after looking at how Khairaldin and Layina just click with one another. They do have their moments but I remember more of them loving each other than actually bashing each other up. :)

Anyway, Khairaldin goes to school from 12-3pm, and obviously he's at school during lunch time. At first I didn't know that they allow to bring some packed sandwiches for him. A few days later only I found out that we are allowed to bring him some food. What I'd do before packing his lunch days were to bring some food for him in the car when I fetch him. On his first day of school, he demanded "pau kaya" for his 'lunch'. Yes, my son wanted pau for lunch. So not British! School also provides them with some fruits for snacks but one day they gave him pear and he didn't like it. So instead I packed for him his favourite fruits. Alhamdulillah both my kids LOVE their fruits and veges! They can sit down and just munch munch munch until its gone. Layina can literally finish a whole bunch of grapes all to herself. But then again, that baby girl would eat anything ;) It's okay girl, it's just a girl thing with food ;)

Yes, I made the dresses myself :)

As for my self update, I have been keeping myself busy with some sewing ever since Khairaldin started school. Layina's always asleep as soon as we send Khairaldin off to school and if I'm lucky, she will be asleep for the whole 3 hours. Mahsa'Allah. So I have been really free and I just needed to kill some time. Sometimes I would also prepare dinner or even just laze around watching tv. Alhamdulillah. Life has been great. Today however, my sewing machine broke down so they're taking it for repair for the next 7 days. You might or might not see me on here often now :) Alhamdulillah I have kept myself real busy and it's just a bliss. It's true they say when you're busy, you will not think of unnecessary things and Subhan'Allah, when I think back about my past, I am just so thankful for the people who's in and out of my life. They have definitely made me who I am now. May Allah bless all of you, Amin.

Anyways, it's hubby time now. So, I'll catch up with you soon. Insha'Allah. Please make du'a for my family. JazakAllahu Khairan Kathira.

Ps: Bear with me, blog's under construction. That's a good sign though because I might be back. :)

The wait is finally over!!! :)

Alhamdulillah!! Khairaldin has started his first day at nursery yesterday. THE wait is definitely over and Masha'Allah he was so excited and couldn't care less about us leaving him behind. We have been telling him over and over again about his 'school' and he was definitely looking forward to it. We told him it's an Islamic school and he will learn about Islam  on top of other things. When we arrived school, he was the only one wearing uniform and jumping around wanting to go in. Other kids were in normal clothes, maybe because their parents didn't want them to know that they were going to 'school'. Most of the kids cried their head off when their parents were leaving, unfortunately (or fortunately, whichever way you wanna see it), not our 'big' boy!! Iskandar and I were the ones holding back our tears even though it was only 3 hours school session!!!!!

It was tough. Being a stay at home mom and having your children with you every day and night makes it really tough having to let them go. His teacher even looked at us and said "It's okay, he'll be alright!" Sigh. I guess he's been waiting for this "freedom". hehehe Nevertheless, I feel really fortunate that I didn't have to go through all the crying and shouting. Alhamdulillah. I am also glad that we managed to put him in an Islamic school at least I know he will be in good hands, Insha'Allah. All the hard work I have put in during his babyhood will not be a waste Insha'Allah. All the du'a we have instilled in him will only get better Insha'Allah. So yes, I am thankful, Alhamdulillah for this opportunity given to us.


Anyway, here's a short update as I am kinda tired, it is 12am now :)

So, let the pictures do the rest of the talking alright?

Layina on the other hand, was kinda bored and lost when Abg Khalid left for school. She couldn't sleep and was going back and forth their playroom. As soon as we fetched Khalid from school, she felt sleepy and slept in the car. Poor baby girl! So used to having his Abang around and suddenly she's all alone. But today, she's grasped the idea that Abang Khalid's in school for 3 hours and will be back soon. She slept soundly, Alhamdulillah. Btw, after 15months of hanging onto Mommy, she's also slowly weaning off breastfeeds. However, I'm not in a rush, so we're really taking our time on this.

I've got a lot to talk about and Insha'Allah I will be able to update more frequently because.........Iskandar bought us a new laptop!!!!! After 3 years without any laptop, we finally bought one. :) So, be prepared for more updates. INSHA'ALLAH!! 

Why I 'left' Facebook....

To be honest, I never thought there was a necessity to be writing this post but it's unreal how many people have been asking me again and again on when I'm gonna reactivate my Facebook account and why I left etc etc, I'm hoping this post will answer all your doubtful thoughts :) First and foremost, no, I didn't 'leave Facebook because I had any sort of misunderstanding with anyone, especially with family members. I hope this entry will make it clear that I left because I feel the 'need' to do so.

Basically the urge on leaving FB has been with me for so long. I realised how addicted I was to it. It was like every single thing I had to 'document' on Facebook. Every time we go for an outing, I have to bring my phone along. I have never been a phone-person, which means having to have my phone everywhere I go was never a necessity. When FB and Khairaldin came along, I've always wanted to show him to the world kinda thing. I became proud, yes I realised it, Alhamdulillah and I'm so thankful I stopped when I had to. Although, I have been using excuses about having to update because I am so faraway from family and friends. Truthfully, I became big headed whenever I get likes or positive comments on my pictures or posts.

Again, Alhamdulillah, when I went back to Malaysia, I suddenly felt the necessity to delete my Facebook account. Life was just different with Facebook. Way too different. I didn't expect people would be who they became, Facebook people. Before Facebook existed, I used to go back to Malaysia every Summer and when I do, I would always ring my relatives straight after subuh because I'd be up coz of jetlag and also it'd be a surprise to them to know that I'm back. We would straight away plan for lunch or dinner the same day and just basically catch up. But not recently. Everyone knew I was going to Malaysia because I was counting down and everyone expected me to be there as and when I said I was going to be there. Visiting relatives took its time because we felt we know everything about each other through FB. It was as if everything on FB was sufficient enough that we didn't need to find time to just be there with each other.

I didn't expect to meet up with as many friends as I used to because everyone was busy with their own life, work, family etc etc. But in fact I did. I met way too many people. I met up with close friends and also friends that I used to just say 'hi and bye'. As much as I was honoured to be 'celebrated', I also felt as if I was just their "Facebook update". It seems as though I was only there for picture time and it then went straight to FB. Suffice to say, it felt awkward. We hardly make conversations but when the camera is out, we are all hugging and smiling from ear to ear. So yes, the urge of leaving Facebook was rather strong. One day I woke up and I thought, is this really the life I want to live?

I'm not gonna deny that I miss FB. Sometimes I do, as I'd have something to read about but how far will that go? Reading and getting updates about others life is fun but it's also a different case sometimes. We take FB status like as though the person is talking to us, but how are we so sure it's the truth? How can we be sure that updates were straight from their thoughts and we're no edited to make it sound nice? And also, we as the "updater", how are we sure that our updates were not used for further interpretation, even though we don't mean it the way others would interpret it? Sometimes even our innocent thoughts could be brought as a debate. Sometimes we might update something about ourself but people think it's about their life, and again it becomes a different story. How many updates you put on would get a personal message from others. Good for you if you do, at least you know people cared. Last but not least,  try and observe this, when you do go on an outing, how many times does the word FB being uttered? Well, basically I've had enough of that life. :) I want people to personally ask me how I was doing not because I've given a big hint on my FB status. And also, I wanna be more in people's life than on their Facebook Page. :) Alhamdulillah, I'm living the life now. Outing without the camera/phone seem to be a breeze.

Now I've come to realise that out of my hundreds of family and friends on FB, I  can now be sure that only a few people really care about my family and I. Those who cared would take the extra length on finding out ways to still keep in touch. To those of you, thank you! We doubted life after FB but hey look at us now,we seem to know more about each other than we had ever before. From the bottom of my heart, you know who you are, thank you for being part of my life and for understanding my need to just stay off FB. ;)

Btw, I'm not gonna deny that I still check FB (through Iskandar's profile) but the only difference is, his FB Page is much beneficial than mine. He's only got approx 40 odd friends, and I'm sure those are true friends and I check only because of Mufti Menk's wise words and today he said : "Nowadays more homes are unhappy due to spouses or family members trying to keep online friends happy at the expense of those around them." This is so true SubhanAllah! Before I get deleted from my husband/children's life, I took the big step of deleting my Fakebook. :) The book that is worth making an impression of is the book the angels are writing about me, definitely not the book my family/friends are writing on- Facebook.

In the end of the day, everyone has their own story about Facebook but this is mine and I'm staying away for as long as I can. Sorry but I'm not reactivating my personal page, inshaAllah.

Ramadhan Mubarak !

Alhamdulillah shukur! It's the 4th Ramadhan today and we have done 6 juzu' of tadarus. I'm so glad that my kids aren't a nuisance when we are trying to glorify Allah swt. Khairaldin will try and imitate us pray or read the Quran and it's an amazing sight. Masha'Allah! Layina will be busy in the toy room with her toys. Alhamdulillah, we're so thankful to have such kids. Really glad to know that they understand the time we have to worship and glorify Allah and also the time when they can bother us with thier "stuff".

The best way to start is when they're still a baby. We always had Khairaldin next to us when we are praying and it's been instilled in him that Mommy and Abah will have to do this everyday at so and so time. Alhamdulillah. I feel so blessed to get the chance to worship my creator even when I have 2 kids!! However, I would really love to get up at night to perform a few extra ibadah. InshaAllah, praying that I will get the hang of Summer time real soon. Having to do terawikh at 11pm and sleep at 12am, is rather difficult for me. Layina still wakes up for night feed and sahur is at 3am, so my body clock is still rather haywire. Eepps!

So, how's your Ramdhan? Any tips to share for me to do more? Let's top up our deeds by sharing beneficial knowledge :)

Artsy fartsy!

So, one day I decided on a 'life changing experience and I decided to take up sewing lessons. SubhanAllah! If only I knew how exciting and therapeutic sewing can be, I'd have done it agessss ago! It's simply amazing how engrossed I can be.

This is what I did today..... A shopper bag! Iskandar and I will be doing some material shopping tomorrow Insha'Allah,  and I am ecstatic!  Many more 'projects' to come Insha'Allah.  Let's first start with Bismillah!!!! :))

Made and designed by yours truly. Alhamdulillah! 

Sending lots of positive vibes your way!

ONE year later......

SubhanAllah! Our babycake turns the big ONE today!! Alhamdulillah shukur for having the chance to be with her 24-7, to breastfeed her until today and to basically just be there with her all the time. As years go by, there's only one thing I don't want to feel which is; regret. Family values doesn't seem to have its value anymore these days. You hear about people breaking relationship with their blood-related family like it's not a sin anymore. I don't want to witness all of this when my children are bigger, AMIN! I want them to know how much they love each other and how much they truly do care about each other from the day their sibling was born until today. However, there's only so much I can instill in my children's mind and that is why I am really thankful that I am here with them during their infant and toddler years. The years where they learn so many things and to know that they are looking and scrutinizing my every move make me wanna improve myself even more.

So Aizah Layina, remember that you are one of the lucky children to have your Mother and Brother with you during your first year. Abah didn't get the chance to be here as much as he'd love to but believe me, it is all for our family's own good. When he gets back from work, he will always pick you up and play with you, that is your Abah's love for you and your brother. Alhamduillah! Babycakes, remember that you will always be our baby no matter what. We love you so much and really grateful that Allah gave us the chance to love and care for you. Alhamdulillah shukur. Last but definitely not least, Mommy and Abah will constantly pray for your well being in this dunya and akhirah. We will always want the best for you. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and I always will! There will come a time when you will disagree with me and we might end up fighting but dear, just remember I am your Mother and what I have gone through to bring you up until today. Again, I love you Sayang and I always do. :')

Allah is beautiful, Abah.

Yesterday,  Khairaldin randomly chat with Iskandar about Allah. And during their conversation he said, "Allah is beautiful Abah!" "Really, she's beautiful". SubhanAllah, when I heard that my heart was smiling so hard! Ya Allah, he remembers you!! It's amazing to hear those words from him.

He will be 3 next weekend Insha'Allah. As he slowly grow out of his innocence we can only du'a that Allah will continue to protect him and guide him through and through. Let's pray that this memory will remain in him that Allah is beautiful and there shouldn't be any doubt in him that this is the God he/we should be worshipping, Amin!! May he grow up to be a great Muslim!! Amin yarabbal alamin.

SAHM in Malaysia

Sigh. As much as I enjoy having maids around, I get offended when people ask me to ask the maid to change my child's diaper or to feed my child lunch. It's as if ayong I don't know how to do my 'job'. I don't tell you how to do your job as an accountant or anything now do I? So yes, being a Mother is a job to me! I feel the need to clean and feed my child with my own hand. Looking aftery children is a reward to me. Please don't take away the only luxury that I have. It's fun having an extra hand but there are things that I would prefer to do on my own. Maybe preparing the kids' clothes whilst I bathe them is helpful enough. Anyway, that's me ranting. I love my job so please let me be. Even if you see me with eyebags, just kmow I'm enjoying myself. I will ask for help if/when I need it. Alhamdulillah, I am coping. :)

My life.... Now.

Brother and Sister at Play

Well, Assalamualaikum (Peace be unto you) there! It's been wayyyyyy too long since I last blogged. As you can read from my previous entry, Iskandar is now in a full time; office hours kinda job. I didn't expect my life to be this busy and yet loving each and every day as a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) and Housewife. Oh, I have to say that ever since Iskandar started his job, the term SAHM doesn't apply anymore because I've been "hanging out" in Khairaldin's toy room more than ever and it's like I'm a Play At Home Mom until a few hours before Iskandar gets home. Only now I realised how much Iskandar's been Khairaldin's play buddy. It's not easy taking care of an active toddler. He wears me out by 11am! That soon!

On my first week, I didn't dare to bring the kids out because I thought I could not handle. But then, I somehow had to buy some stuff from Tesco. So I braved myself and went shopping with BOTH my kids!! It's an amazing experience! Khairaldin is such a good brother. He loves to kiss Layina every now and then even when in the trolley. People were smiling at how loving he is and of course he loved the attention too. It has been a breeze bringing both of them all by myself. We've been out and about more often now. Khairaldin is not a stay at home person like me. Because of that we have to go out to Tesco every other day just strolling down the aisles buying little unnecessary things. Once we've done that, he's a happy bunny for a few hours at least.

Excited to try cherry tomatoes!

Of course I have my "can you please just sit down quietly!!!!!!!" moments....one too many time! But this will overcome when I drag both of them into the kitchen. Khairaldin loves to help me in the kitchen as it is the time for him to try new food. Alhamdulillah I manage to cook fresh food for Hubby almost every single day. I feel my day accomplished when all 3 of us sit down at the dinner table for dinner. Layina will be in her swing entertaining herself that time. It's an amazing feeling knowing my Husband and kid(s) are being fed by my 'hardwork'. Alhamdulillah. For sure I couldn't have done it without Allah's will.

Anyways, I've always had people asking me on how I can cope at being a full time housewife and Mom. I've never got the chance to answer that question because I've always had Iskandar or my parents by my side. Iskandar was working part time (4 hours) before this. So, this is the first time I'm handling TWO kids all by myself! Alhamdulillah, it's been 1 whole month of full time Housewife and Mom. One word: AMAZING! SubhanAllah! I am loving each and every moment of it. Now, if anyone asks me about how I can cope as a SAHM and a wife, my answer will simply be "My body is engineered to do exactly all this therefore it is not something impossible to do. Insha'Allah, start the day with Bismillah and all will go down smoothly."

I'll end now and Insha'Allah will start blogging again. I'm slowly getting on track and hopefully will be able to do some reading and sharing. Oh by the way, we visit Iskandar's workplace every Friday for Solat Jumu'ah. And Alhamdulillah, Khairaldin look forward to Fridays because he wants to go 'Masjid'. Also..... I get some time-off from Khairaldin because there'll be a few students wanting to babysit him. So yeah, Alhamdulillah. It's been amazing ( I know I've said this one too many time.. Oh well)! My utmost respect for all SAHM! For those working Mom's without maids too! Hats off to all of you who's made it till today. Definitely not an easy job but to know you're being rewarded by Allah swt, priceless!

Ps: I'm also 'working' on a small project starting today. If all goes well, I will 'spill' Insha'Allah.

Pps: Amidst all those "busy" days, we still managed to get some day off with the kids and my parents in London ;)

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

THIRD PREGNANCY ALREADY??!

I can remember very clearly the day I announced my second pregnancy. I received mixed reaction from family and friends. There were those who were very excited as if they were the ones that are pregnant and there were also those who were upset for numerous reasons. Some even questioned how in the world I could think about getting pregnant when my Husband was still jobless. Of course I couldn't change people's reaction but Alhamdulillah I was still the healthy and bubbly me throughout the pregnancy. Well to be honest, we didn't plan for Layina's birth. Actually we didn't even really plan for Khairaldin's. All we know was that we wanted a child and Masha'Allah, we're now blessed and living happily with two children, Alhamdulillah. Throughout my pregnancy, Iskandar didn't have a proper job. He was on part time jobs most of the time. Alhamdulillah we managed to live with whatever income that was coming in. Also thanks to my parents for making sure we stay in their house. Alhamdulillah.

No doubt Iskandar was looking for jobs. He wasn't choosy of the job as long as it pays Halal income. He tried so many places and yet were rejected or no replies. We didn't give up, we believe that Allah WILL shower us with rizq when and how HE wants to. Iskandar kept searching high and low for a permanent job but the rezeki was just not there...yet. We didn't lose hope. We kept praying and asking for HIS help everyday and night! Come Ramadhan, we prayed extra hard for HIS help because only HE can grant us the best in life. Iskandar was so determined to look for jobs. He's on the PC every now and then looking for Islamic Banking jobs or even as a lecturer. He's applied almost everywhere, be it in Malaysia, UK or even in the Middle East. Noone replied to his application. Personally I know how much he's been hunting high and low for a Halal job. Trust me, it's not easy.

As the days go by, I finally gave birth to Layina with 

a "jobless" husband beside me. I was not afraid of the idea that my husband was still jobless. In fact, my faith grew even stronger! I know for a fact that Allah will not burden us with what we could not handle. HE has promised and repeated this in the Qur'an time and again. I felt everything will fall into place if not now, Insha'Allah in the hereafter. To know that we now have a baby girl could only mean two things, Rezeki and Barakah is on our side. In Islam, having a daughter is something special. It's mentioned in a Hadith; 

Jabir ibn 'Abdullah reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Anyone who has three daughters and provides for them, clothes them and shows mercy to them will definitely enter the Garden." A man from the people said, "And two daughters, Messenger of Allah?" He said, "And two." [Bukhari]

There I was thinking I don't have the luxury that everyone is talking about but what matters most is Insha'Allah I will have that luxury in the afterlife. Having said that, it doesn't mean we have given up with our life now! Of course we can't do that. Whatever we do it has to be for Dunya and Akhirah. There must be balance in our life. So, Iskandar was still with his job hunting. We were also thinking of going back to Malaysia for good if he doesn't get a job anytime soon. We were ready to hijrah to another country if he still doesn't get a job. It is good to do hijrah with the niyah for Allah Ta'ala.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a friend of my Dad e-mailed my Dad saying he wants to meet up with Iskandar as they have a job that he might be interested in. This person is a Director at MIHE (the place Iskandar was awarded his Masters in Islamic Banking, Finance and Management). Without hesitation he met up with the Director and was offered a permanent job there and then. It's nothing fancy but definitely a start for him. Who knows he might get connection from MIHE and can further his career or even do PhD there? Only Allah knows.

So, Insha'Allah, Iskandar will be starting his permanent job with MIHE this October.

This job offer has opened our eyes even more. All the places that he's applied for didn't even bother to reply to just say that they are not hiring or anything at all. However, the place that we'd never think of offering him a job suddenly contacts him and offered him the job. We have always believe that rezeki is from Allah swt even when people gave us the reason to doubt this. Who says you can't suddenly wake up and stumble upon a pot of gold? I believe that miracle do happen if Allah wills it. Nothing is impossible but of course, first we have to work and pray hard for the miracle to happen. Always believe that noone can give nor take anything away from you without Allah's will. If HE has stated that your rezeki will be there, it will be there. Sometimes HE is just testing us to see how far we would go to worship him.

Of course this is a reminder to myself too. Even though Iskandar will be in a permanent job, this doesn't mean we should stop worshipping HIM. This is the reason we should continue to worship HIM more as HE's given us something we least expected!! It just goes to show how powerful HE is and SubhanAllah there is just no reason to defy HIS power! We are really thankful to HIM and to those who's been praying for us. May Allah bless you all with goodness in this life and hereafter, Amin!!!!

If you are still reading and waiting for me to officially announce about my 3rd pregnancy, sorry to say, I'm not pregnant. At least not for another few years, Insha'Allah. I'm sure if I suddenly announce my 3rd pregnancy there will be people out there who'd say something like "3rd pregnancy already??!" Even with a "working" husband people will find excuse to just mock about another person. Sometimes we just forget rezeki comes in many shapes and form, it's not just money/wealth wise.

Like I always say, we can plan all we want but in the end of it all, Allah has the last say. :) 

Ps: wish me luck on becoming a FULL TIME HOUSEWIFE and MOTHER to a toddler and soon to be 3 months old baby. Please pray that Allah will make it easy on the 4 of us, Insha'Allah. JazakAllahu Khair!

 Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

I HAVE A FULL-TIME JOB!!!!!!!! :))

Yes, I have a full-time job ever since I got married to the love of my life and hereafter. I am a wife and now Alhamdulillah a Mother to 2 adorable and clever children, SubhanAllah! Would I ever want to quit my job?? Seriously?? Doing something you love and not dreading having to wake up for it every single day IS a job. Yes, A MOTHER is a full-time JOB! Don't insult us for not following the society's 9-5p.m rule. Just because we love doing what we do doesn't mean we are jobless. Try doing it for a day, at least, and see what you have to say about "your full-time job".

Watch the videos and you will know what I mean. I LOVE MY JOB! THIS is my rizq from Allah swt! And I can never ever complain about it. Alhamdulillah!

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

Albert Schweitzer

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

Confucius

Working Mom VS Stay At Home Mom (SAHM)

Richness is not the abundance of wealth, rather it is self sufficiency. (Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Isn't this the most famous debate amongst our mates, Mommies? If you tell a working Mom that you're a SAHM, they'd be so envious of you. It's like "oh I wish I have your life!". As for SAHM, we have the same reaction towards Working Moms (because all we want is their monthely wages!!!!). You see, we human beings can never be satisfied with what we have, we are made this way. Period. So, instead of getting envious with our family or friend's life, try and be happy with our life first. There are pros and cons to everything that we have in this life, it's just how we make full use of it.

Here's a view from a SAHM. If you think our life is oh-so-perfect, think again! When you are a SAHM (without any maids, bare in mind) life is tough! Here's why, in my point of view:

• Most importantly, you can never take 5 mins just to go to the toilet. It's either you have to hold it in until his next nap time or just drag him to the toilet together with you (if desperate measure calls)!
- unlike working Mom's, they can just drop their work and just have that toilet time that they need.
• SAHM don't get 1 hour lunch break, it's always gobble,gobble, done!
- Working Mom's have 10mins tea break or 1 hour lunch. They still have time off for a peace of mind.
• SAHM don't get that pleasure of monthly incomes.
- Working Mom's have the pleasure to spoil themselves every month (if they chose to).

Yes, I am being kind of negative about SAHM here. Let's look at it in a better view....

• SAHM don't get paid but they get loads of cuddles and kisses every minute!
• SAHM don't get that extra long break or toilet breaks, but they do have a few hours extra just for a li'l lay in (or afternoon naps) as compared to having to wake up very early in the morning.
• SAHM 'works' as much as Working Mom's physically and mentally, trust me!

So that's the few list from me. It is what you want in life that matters most. Doesn't mean if your friend is a SAHM, they get it easy and vice versa. If you appreciate everything that is given your way, you will feel happier in life. Take control of your life as noone else could (other than Allah). If we start to count our blessings, we might feel like there's not much to it. But instead, try and make everything in our life as a blessing! Let's view life in a different way from now on, Insha'Allah, there is more things that we can appreciate than depreciate.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Confessions of a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM)

Getting the chance to be a SAHM is definitely the greatest gift in life. I have always been thankful for the chance given to me to see my li'l man grow. I'm not trying to be in-your-face-you-have-to-work and I don't kinda person! Every opportunity given to each one of us is definitely precious and meaningful.

At times, I do feel as if I'm missing something in this life. Like, something is still incomplete.

Khairaldin has only just turned one a few weeks ago. He's trying new things especially walking/stepping. I know some Mommies who might miss out on their child's development because they have no choice but to work (be it for financial stuff or contracts). To say I don't miss working is definitely not true. I have been working since I was 21 years old. I've met a few people along the way. Yes, I hate waking up in the morning and having to follow schedules that's why I chose to stay home until today. But sometimes, I feel that my mind is under stimulated. I don't have to do that much thinking because what's there to do? Changing diaper and breastfeeding Khairaldin is something I can do with my eyes half open! Literally. LOL! Having a job will make you think on your feet and you have to use up your brain neurons. It's fun, till certain extent!

Just like SAHM, there are certain things that are really interesting. Heck, everytime he's awake, we are always on a lookout. That's very interesting. But when he naps, that's utter boredom. I know he's only 1 and there's more to come. I guess when he is in the phase of wanting to talk, read etc, I'd find being a SAHM even more exciting. Because at that time, they tend to nap less. So more time to spend until it's proper bedtime.

I've decided that I wanna do something different with my life. I don't want a 9-5am job but at the same time I don't want a part-time 'cashier' sorta job that students in Uni would take up for their pocket money. I don't mind being a volunteer as long as I can go out and take a breather. I've always wanted to be in the community more. Like, Islamic parenting community. I know what I want but I make one too many excuses to just not budge!

Khairaldin is really good with routines. He wakes up and go to sleep on schedule. It's when he's in bed that my mind start to wander, what else can I do?

I've listed down things I wanted to do before I conceived Khairaldin but now it's not relevant. I don't have the same passion as I had before. There are new things in his and my life that I want to achieve. I am 25 years old and I think there's so much more to life than this. I'm not going after big ££££££ here, no. All I want is more knowledge so I can bring him up to be a better person and Ummah.

I am the type that would let my baby free and explore this world on his own but, when it comes to religion, I think that both Iskandar and I have to guide him through. I don't mind if his not an A++++ student as long as he enjoys this life his living. But fun stuff could lead to sin and that's why I want to teach him more about religion than actually teaching him 1+1=2. To be honest, my knowledge about Islam is so limited that I am not sure how to answer if he comes to me and ask questions. My Mom is the best when reasoning things out within Islamic laws, but who knows how long she'll be around to help me with educating my child? It's time for me to step up and out to gain more knowledge about Islam! I don't need expensive stuff to get through this life, all I need is to know that I'll be leaving behind an alim child(ren). Insha'Allah.

Suffice to say, I still wanna be a SAHM because I want to teach my child(ren) how perfect this religion actually is. And I know, before trying to teach, I myself have to know the beauty of this religion. Insha'Allah. I pray that Allah will give me the chance to learn and teach even if it's only to my child(ren). Ameen!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Just a (one too many) thought. Hmmm..

Have you ever felt so lost in life, like you don't know what and where your life is heading to? I'm feeling exactly just that! :| Sometimes, I feel like being a SAHM is the bestest thing in life but at times, I just want more and more!! Notice how I've changed my dream "careers" one too many times? From a teacher, to LC to Midwifery... That's because I just don't know what to do.

Don't get me wrong, I loveeee spending time with my Husband and baby all day & night long! I would wake up a few minutes early just to see them sleep. It's just serene! But at times I just wanna go out and be with my friends. Which is highly impossible coz all of them are in Malaysia. In the UK, there is no such thing as friendship. You are either a colleague, uni mate/classmate. They don't really see the 'bond' in friendships. Even though I've been in the UK for 8 years now, I still don't see myself as having a true friend. Then again, that's maybe because I don't really mix around.

I'm also not looking for a job that pays big fat cheque at the end of the month. I just want something rewarding to do. I don't even mind becoming a volunteer for certain organisations. Money definitely won't push me to get a job. Big money means less family time. That's how I look at it. I guess all I want is to do something different for a change. A 9-5 job is definitely not an option to make things different/better. I'm sure this is just a phase because Khairaldin is more independent (eating on his own & slowly walking) now. Once he starts to speak and learn to read, I supposed I would feel more needed as a Mom.

I'm looking forward to the day when I have to read him goodnight stories (I have a whole stash of books just waiting on the shelf). I'm looking forward to the day I can teach him Alif, Baa Taa.. ABCs and 123. I'm looking forward to being there when he needs help with his homework. I'm looking forward to walk/drive him to school. ....... Now I realise how much I want to be a Mom more than anything else in this world. I want to spend as much time as I can with my child before he grows up and say, "Mommy, I'm leaving soon". At least when that time comes, Insha'Allah I'll be ready to say "See you soon" even though I know deep inside 'soon' will be ages to come. He's a boy, I have come to realise that boys are different to girls in so many ways when it comes to emotional feelings.

And when that 'farewell' comes, I will put a smile on my face because I know I have been there for him throughout his childhood. :)

So, a Mom & Wife, I will be for as long as I am given the opportunity to do so.

Alhamdulillah.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

A wife..... in Islam

I find it funny how people perceives a 'perfect' wife as someone who cooks and cleans up after the husband! If you're not one of those people, you're definitely not doing a wifey duty, so they say. Since I don't cook AND clean up after Iskandar, I am perceived as the non wifey material. Heh, very typical! Not that I care much since truthfully, it's how he perceives me as being the PERFECT one :) After all, he chose to marry me even after my Mom told him plenty of time that I don't cook and I definitely don't do housework ;) So, he had a choice and he still chose ME!

Anyway, I am a self-proclaimed Stay At Home Mom but that doesn't mean I am not a wife at the same time. Isn't it obvious that I am also fulfilling my wife 'job'? Iskandar is not complaining for all I care. Iskandar spoils me, like, A LOT!!! Till a point where my parents think I am being lazy! :D When actually, my husband is the one wanting to do these things for me. Iskandar cooks for me because when we went for our 'kursus kahwin' the Ustaz said, "the raw food that you bring home for your wife is not considered as nafkah until it's being cooked. Because she can't eat raw food". So nafkah is fulfilled when the husband cooks the food for the wife and she becomes a happy bunny ;). However, that doesn't mean that it's not fulfilled if the wife's cook for the husband. Of course the wife can help out and cook for the family, of course she can. In my case, my husband loves cooking hence he's always in the kitchen before me. Is that wrong? Definitely NOT! Iskandar also does the house chores because he doesn't want me to do 'heavy' things like vacuuming etc because that's a 'man job', according to him. Although, once in a while, I do vacuum the house but he'll bring the vacuum upstairs and downstairs. Also, whenever he cleans up, he'll get very detail and can spend hours doing it. When he needs help though, he'll shout for me.

When it comes to Khairaldin, it's a full time job for me. From when Khairaldin wakes up until he goes to bed, I deal with him. I feed him, change his diapers and bathe him since the day he was born. Iskandar probably have cleaned and fed Khairaldin a hand full of time. But we are absolutely fine with it. We are fair! He deals with the house chores and I deal with the baby. That's the most fair thing to work with in a relationship. Doesn't mean I stay at home I have to do every single thing. He knows that taking care of a baby is the toughest job anyone could ask for. That's why he tries his very best to decrease my 'work load'. Since I am on the topic, let me quote a hadith Authenticated by Abu Ya'ly and al-Bazzar "Women came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said 'O Messenger of Allah, men have taken away all the bounty of jihad. What work can we do to earn a bounty equal to jihad? He answered 'Running the household of your husbands will bring each one of you equal reward as that of the warriors in the way of Allah'. But they were not satisfied and asked Sallama (the nurse of Prophet's son Ibrahim) to raise the similar issue. Prophet (PBUH) then reassure her that women's work, ESPECIALLY, carrying, breast-feeding and rearing a child has rewards unavailable to men.

Clearly, if people actually 'research' they would know that it's never been mentioned that a wife's job is to cook for the husband but in fact, is to make sure that he he is actually fully satisfied with the relationship. So yeah, what happens behind closed should remain behind closed doors. Even though Iskandar spoils me, I am sure he's never come to a point of being a 'dayus' husband. Alhamdulillah. We try our very best to lead an Islamic lifestyle. He constantly remind me that in Islam, "The wife's duties do not require her to clean nor cook. It is the husband's duty to provide food for the wife, older children, and servants (if possible) to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband."

In the end of the day, if you are both happy with your lifestyle then, be it. It is up to Allah to judge whether one is being a 'worthy' wife or not. Also, I am very proud to announce to the world that my husband cooks and clean for me, because he is capable and he's doing a righteous deed for his family. Alhamdulillah, I am very blessed to have Iskandar in my life and I am very sure he feels the same way regardless of what people say :).

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device