"International Education and Islamic Parenting Conference" organised by Brainy Bunch Islamic Montessori (BBIM)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

First and foremost, Alhamdulillah shukur for the opportunity given by an old friend to attend the "International Education and Islamic Parenting Conference" organised by Brainy Bunch Islamic Montessori (BBIM). It meant a lot to the both of us because we have been thinking of sending Khairaldin to BBIM and attending the conference has shed us some lights on the nursery. So, thank you! Before I start sharing my experience about the talk, I will just inform you that I didn't stay for all 4 speakers due to "clingy kids". Alhamdulillah, we still managed to stay and listen to the Famous Mufti Menk, which helped a lot in our parenting skills. However, that will be on a different blog post. ;-)

The conference begin with Ustazah Isfadiah Dasuki's talk on "Raising our Children with The Book of Allah & The Importance of Islamic Education." In her talk she mentioned a few ways of raising our child with Al-Quran, which are, teaching them Ibadah, morals, sexual education and teaching them to socialise. (I think I missed out a few points and also added a few according to my understanding during the talk. It will be great if anyone who went for the conference share their experience as well. Jazakallahu khairan kathira.) 

How do we teach them Ibadah?

• We can start teaching them at a very young age. The best way to teach is by being the example! When we solat, put them in the same room as us. Let them see how we solat and why we solat, explain to them why we need to stop everything as soon as the Azan finishes. 
• If they disturb us during solat, leave them to it. After finishing our solat, hug and kiss them as they were there watching us doing it. Even if it means they were tugging onto our 'telekong' the whole time. Hugging and kissing them after solat makes them feel that we are enjoying the solat. If we finish our solat and scold them straight after, it will show that solat is very stressful! 
• Reward them when they do something good. When they solat on their own, reward them. When they fast, reward them! They deserve it as it is not easy for them to perform all this on their own. They need encouragements and we are the best source for them to get it from.

How to teach them morals?

• When the child reach a certain age, GUIDE them to be independent. For instance with putting their clothes on. We can't expect them to one day wake up and miraculously put their clothes on, some have the ability Alhamdulillah but most of us needs guidance. So one day we can guide them to just put one sleeve on and when they are good at that, let them put the sleeve on themselves. Then start guiding them with their pants, when THEY feel confident, let them do it on their own. We should keep guiding them throughout their life, even when they are an adult! 
• Give them choices and ALLOW them to make mistakes! If we don't allow them to make mistakes, how do we expect them to know what is right and wrong? 
• Our Prophet s.a.w taught us to have good morals by projecting good morals in himself. So, take that onboard into our own family. 

How to teach them sexual education?

• There are TWO places we can teach them sex ed. First it starts in our own house, we have to explain to them the roles of parent. Sometimes my son gets confused why is it that Mommy can sleep with Abah and yet he cannot sleep with Mommy. We have to explain to them what parents is all about.
• Immediate sexual ed is through SOLAT. How? We explain to them why is it that boys have to solat at the front and girls at the back- this is done by teaching them the aurah and how to protect the gaze. They then understand how to respect different gender.
• Teach them to ask for our permission before entering our room BEFORE fajr, zuhur and AFTER Isya'. Tell them why we need to close our bedroom door and why they need to ask for permission to get in, it is all about aurah and this will then make them feel ashamed to show their own aurah. Also let them know what they should not see inside the bedroom they should not see outside the bedroom. Its like whatever happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom kinda thing.
•  Outside the household, manage the gaze. They should know by now what is shameful for them to see and what is not. When we see adverts of those not covering their aurah, tell them to lower their gaze and switch view for a moment until it's gone.
• Avoid chattering and gossiping. Yes yes yes we all know about this but sometimes we make an effort to get out of the house to meet up with people just to gossip. So, do our best to avoid this! If you can't restrain yourself from gossiping, then avoid the people you know that would talk bad about others. Choose your friends wisely as it teaches them to choose their friends too.      

 How to teach them to socialise?

• Socialising can be taught by letting them watch TV. We shouldn't stop them from watching TV or internet. Observe what they are watching, if they like those violent shows, watch with them and tell them why is it wrong to destroy the buildings. How real is all this destroying and killing people. Tell them and talk to them to instill a different perspective as how the TV is instilling it into them. When we STOP them from watching their favourite shows, they will find the need to watch it more and will go out of their way to watch it. So, best not to refrain them from watching TV or using the internet. Teach them to use it wisely.

Again and again, you are the best example to SHOW them how they should bring themselves up in this world. When they do anything wrong, reflect on yourself. How much gadget have you been using around them? Where are they when you are performing your solat? Have you been covering your aurah around them for them to understand that it is wrong to see other people's aurah? So, START WITH YOURSELF FIRST. Insha'Allah, the parenting will be a breeze for you. Sometimes we want to impose things onto our kids that we ourselves can't keep up with. DO OUR BEST to be the example in the household. 

I pray that Allah make it a breeze for us to care for our children according to the Quran and Sunnah. When we feel we are at lost, grab the Quran and start back from the beggining, Insha'Allah, we can't be wrong at educating our kids the right way. May Allah bless all of you for the efforts you have been putting in to care for his Amanah. Amin ya Rabbalalamin! 

Insha'Allah, I shall continue on Mufti Menk's talk in the near future. Thank you for your patience.