just coz..

Broadcasting from my BlackBerry z10. To be honest, liking it but not loving it yet. 

Big brother Khalid

Dear Khalid,

Today you're not feeling too well. You have been cranky all day and have been sleeping most of the time. Whilst you're awake, I left Layina and you downstairs so I can have a quick shower. Yes, that's the risk a stay at home mom have to take at times. I believe angels will also look upon your shoulder inshaAllah. When I went upstairs, Layina was crying because she was tired. I didn't entertain her as I had to get ready for Uncle Shahrir to come. Abah went out to fetch him from the train station. As I was in the shower, Layina went quiet. I had my shower and came downstairs. Uncle Abang was home by then and Layina was already asleep. I thought Uncle Abang put her to sleep but apparently you told him the whole story. And here goes.

You told Uncle Abang that Layina was crying then you put your hand out as if wanting to carry her. You were lying down on the sofa coz you were tired and so out of it. Layina then walked towards you and just joined you on the sofa. Khalid, at 3 years old you hugged your sister and put her to sleep. She slept on you and you didn't move. Although in my eyes you're always a baby, I know, InshaAllah you will grow up to be a great and reliable big brother! Just the way I want you to be. Amin!! Please don't let others belittle you for the loving person you are to your family. From small you know that your sister needs you and you're there for her. Khalid, please remember that your sister will always need your love and help no matter how big and tough she acts in front of you. As a big brother, please to always be there to make her happy and to lift her up when she's down. Mommy and Abah will always pray for the best for all of you. InshaAllah.

I love you and I'm sure Layina feels the same way for you, Abang Khalid.

Can't find it, make it!

Layina's running low on pajama bottoms! Since the snow started, she is wee-ing more often so she's wetting her trousers. Since I couldn't find any bottoms for her, I thought I better make one. So I did and it took me about half an hour! who knew this day could ever happen. Alhamdulillah!!

Here's her first palazzo. ;) Please excuse me because Khalid is expecting me to sew something for him in a jiffy too! 

My loves.

I feel so bad for not updating about Khairaldin and Layina for a while now! This blog is supposed to be their platform to reminisce the fond memories if one day I leave the world before getting the chance to tell them what they're like when they're babies. But somehow I feel that jotting down every single thing couldn't justify the whole "being there" memories. So now I have chosen to be there with them more rather than clicking away on my phone and taking lots of their pics as memories. Because, I might even miss a few things that are more important when I am busy setting up the camera/phone. So the memory remains in me.

Saying that, my kids now find the necessity to "self potrait" or document their everyday routines. Hehe they kinda took over my "job". Here's a picture of Layina being vain and capturing hereself and the other is a picture of Khairaldin capturing his "what I ate today". Blogger much? ;)

It scares me how much they mimic what I say and do! However, I am glad I get to be there and make sure I'm showing them what is good and bad. I always get praises on how well behaved my kids are and all I have to say is, Alhamdulillah I was made redundant almost 4 years ago as this is definitely the best job ever- MOTHERHOOD! Only a mother can discipline, care and love the child all at the same time. It's true that you have to be there in your kids' life for them to be there for yours later on. I couldn't have learn all this if my mom was a working mom. I'm sure she went thru a lot to bring the 7 of us up but I'm sure she never regretted being a Mother first before anything else. I love my mom so much! Alhamdulillah for the chance to still learn from her on how to bring up my own children.

Lots of love.

PRE-ORDER DEBENHAMS DESIGNER HANDBAGS

UPDATE: ALL SOLD OUT!! Thank you to all buyers!! 

I have a few designer handbags available for sale however items could only be delivered after the 13th of January 2013, Insha'Allah. Please e-mail me at rajaiva@gmail.com if you're interested or wanna reserve the bags.

 Details as below:

Terms and Conditions

1. All items are BRAND NEW WITH TAGS.
2. Measurements of bags are approximate.
3. Serious buyers only. Please e-mail rajaiva@gmail.com if more info are needed.
4. Payments can be made via Maybank2u, full info will be given once the sale is finalised.
5. Items will be sent via PosLaju.
6. Cash on Delivery are also accepted (please e-mail for further info)

All bags come with original dustbag

 

Principles by BEN de LISI

 Orange Flip Clasp Tote Bag

RM120 (FREE DELIVERY)

Principles by BEN de LISI

Peach Small Colour Block Tote 

RM120 (FREE DELIVERY)

Principles by BEN de LISI

Turquoise Small Tote Bag

RM120 (FREE DELIVERY)

Principles by BEN de LISI

Lime Small 

Faux Leather Trimmed 

RM120 (FREE DELIVERY)

·             One internal zip pocket, one internal mobile pouch
·         Two shoulder straps
·         HWD: 25cm x 33cm x 14cm / 10" x 13" x 5.5"
·         Outer: 100% polyester
·         Trim: 100% polyurethane
·         Lining: 100% polyester

Principles by BEN de LISI

Dusky Pink Textured Nylon Tote Small

RM180

(FREE DELIVERY)

Priniciples by BEN de LISI

Grey Large Tote Bag

RM 180 SOLD

(FREE DELIVERY)

·         Internal zip pocket
·         Internal phone pouch
·         Zip and push clip fastening
·         HWD: 29 x 44 x 20cm / 11.5 x 17.25 x 7.75"
·         Outer: 100% polyester
·         Trim: 100% polyurethane
·         Lining: 100% polyester
·         Wipe clean only

Priniciples by BEN de LISI

Red Colour Block Tote Bag

RM 180

(FREE DELIVERY)

·         Internal zip pocket
·         Internal phone pouch
·         Zip and push clip fastening
·         HWD: 29 x 44 x 20cm / 11.5 x 17.25 x 7.75"
·         Outer: 100% polyester
·         Trim: 100% polyurethane
·         Lining: 100% polyester
·         Wipe clean only

Content. SubhanAllah.

I have been so busy and content. SubhanAllah. Never imagined my life would turn out this way. Blessed.

I've a new hangout place now. :) www.craftsy.com. Whoever "invented" online sewing classes are genius. Giving SAHMs the chance to do more with their time. Alhamdulillah, I cant believe how blessed I am to have stumbled upon the site. It's definitely what I have been thinking about doing for the past few months. Sewing classes from £13 and no expiry dates? Simply amazing! If you're another SAHM trying something new, I advice the site for you. There's so many arts and crafts on there!

Alhamdulillah for an amazing husband who supports me not only financially but also emotionally and physically. Haha He understands when I suddenly pick a fight with him it's not that he's done something wrong but mostly because of my materials not cooperating with me ;) SubhanAllah. I would've given up with myself way before I started but he saw something I have never seen in myself! He guides me through even though he doesn't know anything about sewing!! O Allah, thank u!

Of course my parents who stocks up my materials every now and then!! Alhamdulillah. And for an amazing mom who's given me the sewing genes. Hehe 

But, I couldn't have done it if it wasn't for such amazing kids. SubhanAllah. Khairaldin and Layina understands my sewing time! Khairaldin talks about material as much as I do! Cut like this like that, pink is better than green. I don't know how I managed to have a hobby and raising 2 amazing kids along side. 

Yes, Alhamdulillah.

Aizah's spoken and sign language

Sunday

It's Sunday today, duh! Parents have been here for 1 week now. Soooooo, excuse me while I be a slob.

Kids, you guys are being spoilt rotten by the grandparents. When you grow up, please remember to treat them well. Even if it means to just make du'a for them. InshaAllah.

Sew bored!

Hahaha I know I'm getting tad bit lame with the sewing titles ;p. But heck, I was bored (even though I had to look after 4 kids) and decided to use up my bits and pieces. Thank god for skinny niece, I managed to make a butterfly top for her! Will post up a picture of her wearing it, which I'm sure she'll wear it tomorrow. Hehe she's just like her dad, will wear new things as soon as they get hold of it. :) Hi Abang!! (if you're reading this ;)

Anyways, Iskandar's busy with his PhD proposal so I managed to get some 'me' time. I love sewing. No wonder our Prophet sallahualaihiwassalam would sew and mend his own clothes. It is so therapeutic (when u get the hang of it that is hehe).

Alright then, I better go now.

Wassalam.

**updated**

Potty training + Virgin Coconut Oil (VCO)

It's that time again! Potty training!! I started potty training Khairaldin when he was 18months++ but managed to fully trained him after he turned 2. I was heavily pregnant and just couldn't bear going to and fro the toilet, so I stalled his potty training. With Layina, I just feel she can do it. I've got more time now and she understands me. So might as well right?

We've started training her for about 2 weeks now. When it comes to potty training, I start with training them to poo in the toilet first. Khairaldin's poop time was always spot on! He poops every morning regardless of our whereabouts. Layina on the other hand is a fussy pooper. She wouldn't or couldn't poop other than at home. We had problems with her not wanting to poop for more than 3 days when we were in Malaysia. She didn't even want any fruits and veges whilst we were in Malaysia. As soon as we arrived UK home, she pooped 3 times in a span of 4 hours. Superbly amazing this little girl. So anyway, since she didn't have a proper poop time, I insisted on making a routine for her. Haha Well here's how I did it.

Virgin Coconut Oil.

I heard about VCO from a friend in Malaysia. I tried taking VCO because after giving birth to Layina I had fear doing number 2 (poop isn't a pretty word for adult haha). I didn't dare to go because I had a really bad tear. Then it just became a habit going to the toilet every other day. Not healthy. So I tried VCO and I'm glad I did. It's amazing how it loosen my stool and regulate my bowel movement at least twice a day or after heavy meals. Then I thought, this will be good for Layina!! Since her case is similar to mine, I thought why not try VCO on her too. I did and it's very helpful. No, I didn't give her the capsules. Instead, every time I cook for the family I will add VCO. I mix it in our rice, veges, you name it, it's in almost all our dishes. This method helped me monitor her poop time because I know when she's had it she'll need the toilet. So she now goes to the toilet every morning and after lunch.

After about a week, she understood the concept that poop = toilet. She will tap her diapers and say erghh (this is her favourite word, if I could count it as word ;) we will ask her if she wants the toilet and she slowly gets off the bed heading for toilet. Iskandar and I will then rush her straight onto the potty because at times she's already wanting to poop. Alhamdulillah. It has been easier this time around. Howwwwwever, she wakes up at 7am and wants the toilet straight away. Sometimes we just want that extra lie in so we slack for a moment. I'm sure if we had been consistent, she would have been diaper free by now. Haha I also realised that ever since she poops in the toilet her night diapers aren't as wet as it used to be.

Even though I want her to be diaper free, I still have my lazy mornings. I really need to train myself first before her. Hehe InshaAllah a few more months she will be diaper free!!!! Iskandar and I are so lucky because even though we have kids we don't need to get up as early as 5/6 am. We rarely wake up at night because Layina don't have her night feeds as frequent. We are so spoilt that when we tell people the kids 'disturb' us at 7:30am, we'll definitely get 'the look'. Like how dare you complain! Hehehe yes Shukur Alhamdulillah for such amazing kids.

Anyway, to diaper free bottom soon! Amin!!

My boy and my girl :)

Believe it or not, Khairaldin's been in school for 6 weeks now! He's having his half term holiday next week, yeah in the UK they get 1 week off every 6 weeks. Too many holidays but guess they really need it. Alhamdulillah he's been amazing ever since he started school. He couldn't even hold a pencil properly before this but now, he's already tracing the dots amazingly! I was so amazed when I sat down with him to do his homework (they have 2 pieces of homework every Friday and apparently it's not enough). He can even draw straight lines! Every Thursday they have a show and tell, something like presentation. I'm glad they start early because I am not one to do presentations! I hate presentations. I guess it's because we weren't exposed to it from a young age. Khairaldin doesn't mind the crowd. So tomorrow he has to bring something to talk about Hajj. I LOVE HIS SCHOOL! Although, I am struggling on what to bring. (Mom's my saviour as I've just received a text on some ideas! Superb!) Love the fact that they teach the children about Hajj etc. Today Khairaldin came home from school and said, "Mommy, we have to tawaf the kaabah 7 times you know!!!!" :))

My utmost  respect to the teachers for having such determination to teach these kids. Masha'Allah. I was gutted for a while when he came back with all these amazing 'skills'. Only because it wasn't me who taught all of these to him. However, I have come to realise that I was part of it. I have been teaching him throughout his 3 years. Alhamdulillah Iskandar and I have managed to do a lot with him. If we didn't send him to school, he might still be the boy that he was 6 weeks ago. It is okay for other people to teach him new things in life. It is okay if he learn through his mistakes. We can't take full responsibility for everything. There's a reason why teachers are teachers and friends are friends. They are there to teach you the meaning of life and that is why it is important to choose a good education as well as good friends! :)

Above all, I am thankful that I am the first person he tells his day story to. THAT I wouldn't wanna miss it for anything at all! My boy is chatty, SubhanAllah. He can go on and on about things from morning up to his bedtime. When he tells a story, he tells it in detail. Like every single thing he did. But, he can never tell his story twice. Whenever he repeats himself, the story will be altered or lose its meaning. So, that's why I want to be there when he finishes school. I wanna know everything he did when he wasn't with me. Alhamdulillah.

Little sister is also indulging herself in books. Layina loveeeeee books! She can sit down quietly flipping books after books. This is the only mess that I am okay with. It's nice to see her look at the pictures as if she knows what she's reading. She memorises her books so well. For instance if we sing a nursery rhyme, she knows which book it relates too. How amazing are their brains?? SubhanAllah!

Dear Husband.

You know. :)

28th Birthday, Alhamdulillah.

I turn 28 today, Alhamdulillah!! Yeah I'm not one who would conceal their age. Haha Thankful for the hours,days and years given to me for me to constantly change to become a better person. Shukur!

Anyway, Iskandar isn't the present type of person but he came home with a bouquet yesterday and handed it in front-ish of my brothers and his family ;) Those who knows me would know that I won't go all "awwwwww!! Hugs kisses". Haha but instead I said, "it's not today it's tomorrow" and we just laughed it off. I'm ego like that but deep inside....... :))

Anyways, to a great year ahead! Amin!!

Breastfeeding Friendly Maxi Dress

Well hello, Assalamualaikum. It has been a while since I last visited my site. Alhamdulillah shukur I have been very busy with life. As I've blogged before, I now have a hobby- sewing! and Masha'Allah, it's been the greatest hobby ever. You see, I have never been a shopaholic. It's almost impossible to find any attire that's Muslimah friendly + breastfeeding friendly. When I had Khairaldin, I bought every single long sleeved blouse that I could get hold off. Unfortunately when Layina came, the fashion became rather weird. People were into sheer clothing and believe me it's like a waste of money to actually buy those type of clothing! Ridiculously expensive and doesn't serve any purpose. So, that's when I decided I wanna start sewing. (Well, other than the fact that my Mom's getting older and she's the only sewist everyone depend on in this family :) 

Alhamdulillah, ever since I started sewing which was about 3 months ago, I have managed to make 3 breastfedding friendly maxi dresses + it's muslimah friendly as well!! I am so excited that I can now nurse in public without having to worry about exposing my breasts. Like I mentioned in one of my many posts, to be a successful "breastfeeder", mothers have to attend to their child's need as soon as possible. For instance Layina, she gets upset if I don't feed her as soon as she demands it. And that girl really knows how to sulk! Alhamdulillah she's still being breastfed up till today (16 months, Mahsa'Allah!).

Anyway, I'm getting rusty at typing now. Shame! I seriously need to find time to blog in between my sewing. Do let me know if any of you are interested with the maxi dress. Since I can only own a few dress during this Winter season, I'm planning to sell some of it at affordable price approximately RM45. Btw, it's jersey material. InshaAllah I'll update on other designs I have worked on. Unfortunately I can only sew the designs that I have worked on but if you do have a design in mind, do let me know :)

Till next time inshaAllah.

Ps: might put up an 'in action' picture in case you are wondering how it's breastfeeding friendly ;)

Favourite posts

Masha'Allah! I couldn't believe how known my blog is on google. As you can see I have added the 'favourite posts' widget. Never knew that people do google those topics and my posts are on the first page on google search engine. SubhanAllah. When I started this blog, I didn't think it could benefit others.Reason I started this blog was merely to jot down my memories with my kids. When they are older, Insha'Allah they have something to look back to (and also for myself).

But, who am I to know what my future will be? Alhamdulillah I am really pleased to know that my favourite posts are indeed those related to Islamic posts. Couldn't express how pleased I am. After all, it is in a hadith that we should share the knowledge we have as this deed will carry on even after we die. AllahuAkbar. This is just a post to say JazakAllahu Khairan Kathira to every single one of you who have stopped by to read my posts and thank you to all of you who have commented and e-mailed me personally. Please carry on sharing your knowledge with others too because you never know who could benefit from it. 

Alhamdulillah.

On a slightly different note, a big ALHAMDULILLAH because the kids now goes to bed at 7:30p.m and they go to sleep ON THEIR OWN. Iskandar and I will change them into their pajamas, read them their du'as and we leave them on their bed in their room. Of course we have the baby monitor on so we can know what they are up to. So far, it's been 2 weeks and they have been sleeping soundly straight after we leave their room. Iskandar and I now have 'our' time. Alhamdulillah. Since we are enjoying this time to ourselves, both of us have also reminded ourselves that we cannot get too comfortable as we are not stopping at two kids ;) It is nice to have this break but Insha'Allah I don't want it to be permanent break. I do miss the late/early morning feeds. I miss the hustle and bustle. Nevertheless, we are going to cherish what Allah has planned for us.

Alhamdulillah.   

Because I just felt like blogging.

Today marked Khairaldin's first week of school. Unfortunately, he didn't manage to attend school today because both Layina and him was down with cold and cough. I didn't want other kids to catch their illness so I thought it was good to have them both at home. My oh my! I was partly wrong. Even though it's only been a week, I have totally forgotten how to manage two kids at once. Layina being her girly possessive self (like Mommy, apparently) didn't let Abang Khalid be anywhere near me. Every time she sees me hugging Khairaldin she will come wailing for help. Sigh. Girls will be girls. Abang Khalid is such an understanding brother. He would always give in and come back when the time is right. Alhamdulillah shukur.

Sometimes I wonder how do people cope with having their kids at home up till 5/6 years old?? Ok, those without maids. How do you cope? I'm really thankful that Khairaldin starts school at this age. It is just a prefect age and it gives me time to bond with Layina. Which also brings me to the thought of having another baby because Layina is way too clingy. Iskandar thinks it is best if she has a baby brother or sister soon. Hmmmmmm. Insha'Allah. In all honesty, I do want the kids age gap to be around 2 years old because it's super after looking at how Khairaldin and Layina just click with one another. They do have their moments but I remember more of them loving each other than actually bashing each other up. :)

Anyway, Khairaldin goes to school from 12-3pm, and obviously he's at school during lunch time. At first I didn't know that they allow to bring some packed sandwiches for him. A few days later only I found out that we are allowed to bring him some food. What I'd do before packing his lunch days were to bring some food for him in the car when I fetch him. On his first day of school, he demanded "pau kaya" for his 'lunch'. Yes, my son wanted pau for lunch. So not British! School also provides them with some fruits for snacks but one day they gave him pear and he didn't like it. So instead I packed for him his favourite fruits. Alhamdulillah both my kids LOVE their fruits and veges! They can sit down and just munch munch munch until its gone. Layina can literally finish a whole bunch of grapes all to herself. But then again, that baby girl would eat anything ;) It's okay girl, it's just a girl thing with food ;)

Yes, I made the dresses myself :)

As for my self update, I have been keeping myself busy with some sewing ever since Khairaldin started school. Layina's always asleep as soon as we send Khairaldin off to school and if I'm lucky, she will be asleep for the whole 3 hours. Mahsa'Allah. So I have been really free and I just needed to kill some time. Sometimes I would also prepare dinner or even just laze around watching tv. Alhamdulillah. Life has been great. Today however, my sewing machine broke down so they're taking it for repair for the next 7 days. You might or might not see me on here often now :) Alhamdulillah I have kept myself real busy and it's just a bliss. It's true they say when you're busy, you will not think of unnecessary things and Subhan'Allah, when I think back about my past, I am just so thankful for the people who's in and out of my life. They have definitely made me who I am now. May Allah bless all of you, Amin.

Anyways, it's hubby time now. So, I'll catch up with you soon. Insha'Allah. Please make du'a for my family. JazakAllahu Khairan Kathira.

Ps: Bear with me, blog's under construction. That's a good sign though because I might be back. :)

The wait is finally over!!! :)

Alhamdulillah!! Khairaldin has started his first day at nursery yesterday. THE wait is definitely over and Masha'Allah he was so excited and couldn't care less about us leaving him behind. We have been telling him over and over again about his 'school' and he was definitely looking forward to it. We told him it's an Islamic school and he will learn about Islam  on top of other things. When we arrived school, he was the only one wearing uniform and jumping around wanting to go in. Other kids were in normal clothes, maybe because their parents didn't want them to know that they were going to 'school'. Most of the kids cried their head off when their parents were leaving, unfortunately (or fortunately, whichever way you wanna see it), not our 'big' boy!! Iskandar and I were the ones holding back our tears even though it was only 3 hours school session!!!!!

It was tough. Being a stay at home mom and having your children with you every day and night makes it really tough having to let them go. His teacher even looked at us and said "It's okay, he'll be alright!" Sigh. I guess he's been waiting for this "freedom". hehehe Nevertheless, I feel really fortunate that I didn't have to go through all the crying and shouting. Alhamdulillah. I am also glad that we managed to put him in an Islamic school at least I know he will be in good hands, Insha'Allah. All the hard work I have put in during his babyhood will not be a waste Insha'Allah. All the du'a we have instilled in him will only get better Insha'Allah. So yes, I am thankful, Alhamdulillah for this opportunity given to us.


Anyway, here's a short update as I am kinda tired, it is 12am now :)

So, let the pictures do the rest of the talking alright?

Layina on the other hand, was kinda bored and lost when Abg Khalid left for school. She couldn't sleep and was going back and forth their playroom. As soon as we fetched Khalid from school, she felt sleepy and slept in the car. Poor baby girl! So used to having his Abang around and suddenly she's all alone. But today, she's grasped the idea that Abang Khalid's in school for 3 hours and will be back soon. She slept soundly, Alhamdulillah. Btw, after 15months of hanging onto Mommy, she's also slowly weaning off breastfeeds. However, I'm not in a rush, so we're really taking our time on this.

I've got a lot to talk about and Insha'Allah I will be able to update more frequently because.........Iskandar bought us a new laptop!!!!! After 3 years without any laptop, we finally bought one. :) So, be prepared for more updates. INSHA'ALLAH!! 

Sew what? ;)

Did I tell you I'm into sewing nowadays? :) Well, I am. And I have really big plans, inshaAllah.

So here's my latest project and it's breastfeeding friendly. Stay tuned!

Why I 'left' Facebook....

To be honest, I never thought there was a necessity to be writing this post but it's unreal how many people have been asking me again and again on when I'm gonna reactivate my Facebook account and why I left etc etc, I'm hoping this post will answer all your doubtful thoughts :) First and foremost, no, I didn't 'leave Facebook because I had any sort of misunderstanding with anyone, especially with family members. I hope this entry will make it clear that I left because I feel the 'need' to do so.

Basically the urge on leaving FB has been with me for so long. I realised how addicted I was to it. It was like every single thing I had to 'document' on Facebook. Every time we go for an outing, I have to bring my phone along. I have never been a phone-person, which means having to have my phone everywhere I go was never a necessity. When FB and Khairaldin came along, I've always wanted to show him to the world kinda thing. I became proud, yes I realised it, Alhamdulillah and I'm so thankful I stopped when I had to. Although, I have been using excuses about having to update because I am so faraway from family and friends. Truthfully, I became big headed whenever I get likes or positive comments on my pictures or posts.

Again, Alhamdulillah, when I went back to Malaysia, I suddenly felt the necessity to delete my Facebook account. Life was just different with Facebook. Way too different. I didn't expect people would be who they became, Facebook people. Before Facebook existed, I used to go back to Malaysia every Summer and when I do, I would always ring my relatives straight after subuh because I'd be up coz of jetlag and also it'd be a surprise to them to know that I'm back. We would straight away plan for lunch or dinner the same day and just basically catch up. But not recently. Everyone knew I was going to Malaysia because I was counting down and everyone expected me to be there as and when I said I was going to be there. Visiting relatives took its time because we felt we know everything about each other through FB. It was as if everything on FB was sufficient enough that we didn't need to find time to just be there with each other.

I didn't expect to meet up with as many friends as I used to because everyone was busy with their own life, work, family etc etc. But in fact I did. I met way too many people. I met up with close friends and also friends that I used to just say 'hi and bye'. As much as I was honoured to be 'celebrated', I also felt as if I was just their "Facebook update". It seems as though I was only there for picture time and it then went straight to FB. Suffice to say, it felt awkward. We hardly make conversations but when the camera is out, we are all hugging and smiling from ear to ear. So yes, the urge of leaving Facebook was rather strong. One day I woke up and I thought, is this really the life I want to live?

I'm not gonna deny that I miss FB. Sometimes I do, as I'd have something to read about but how far will that go? Reading and getting updates about others life is fun but it's also a different case sometimes. We take FB status like as though the person is talking to us, but how are we so sure it's the truth? How can we be sure that updates were straight from their thoughts and we're no edited to make it sound nice? And also, we as the "updater", how are we sure that our updates were not used for further interpretation, even though we don't mean it the way others would interpret it? Sometimes even our innocent thoughts could be brought as a debate. Sometimes we might update something about ourself but people think it's about their life, and again it becomes a different story. How many updates you put on would get a personal message from others. Good for you if you do, at least you know people cared. Last but not least,  try and observe this, when you do go on an outing, how many times does the word FB being uttered? Well, basically I've had enough of that life. :) I want people to personally ask me how I was doing not because I've given a big hint on my FB status. And also, I wanna be more in people's life than on their Facebook Page. :) Alhamdulillah, I'm living the life now. Outing without the camera/phone seem to be a breeze.

Now I've come to realise that out of my hundreds of family and friends on FB, I  can now be sure that only a few people really care about my family and I. Those who cared would take the extra length on finding out ways to still keep in touch. To those of you, thank you! We doubted life after FB but hey look at us now,we seem to know more about each other than we had ever before. From the bottom of my heart, you know who you are, thank you for being part of my life and for understanding my need to just stay off FB. ;)

Btw, I'm not gonna deny that I still check FB (through Iskandar's profile) but the only difference is, his FB Page is much beneficial than mine. He's only got approx 40 odd friends, and I'm sure those are true friends and I check only because of Mufti Menk's wise words and today he said : "Nowadays more homes are unhappy due to spouses or family members trying to keep online friends happy at the expense of those around them." This is so true SubhanAllah! Before I get deleted from my husband/children's life, I took the big step of deleting my Fakebook. :) The book that is worth making an impression of is the book the angels are writing about me, definitely not the book my family/friends are writing on- Facebook.

In the end of the day, everyone has their own story about Facebook but this is mine and I'm staying away for as long as I can. Sorry but I'm not reactivating my personal page, inshaAllah.

Ramadhan reflection! SubhaAllah Alhamdulillah!

Masha'Allah! It's the 28th of Ramadhan today. It's true when they say time will passby so quickly when you're enjoying yourself. Ramadhan has always been the 'hi and bye' month for me. We plan to do so much and the next thing we know it's already leaving us behind. O Allah, I really miss the month of Ramadhan, I pray that I will see many more Ramadhan so that I can continue to better myself. I can't deny that I need Ramadhan to help me better myself. Alhamdulillah shukur I have seen a few changes in my everyday life. I'm so thankful that Allah taala is listening to my prayers, just what I desperately need.

Yesterday, on the 27th night of Ramadhan whilst I was performing my night prayers, I felt really down. I didn't want the time to tick any longer. I just wanted to be in the prostration position to 'talk' to my creator. Someone who would continuously listen to me even though I have wronged Him one too many times. I felt at that time He was listening to my every need, SubhanAllah! Then again in the end of the day, I have to accept that this day will come to an end, this month will not wait for me even though I'm not ready to leave! At that point I had to comfort myself by reminding me that it is not my Lord that is leaving me! It is ME who would selfishly and conveniently *forget* about him after Ramadhan. It's embarrassing how I would go all out during Ramadhan and when it's not here anymore, I long for another one so that I could do the same.

This Ramadhan has really taught me a lot. From being a servant to Allah, wife, mother, daughter and sister. It has taught me the balance in life. It has reminded me that I can achieve what I want if I put my heart and soul into it. For instance, hubby and I managed to finish the Quran on the day of Nuzul Quran. We were well ahead in our Quranic reading. This only prove that kids aren't barriers to my Worshipping time. If i really wanted to read the Quran before/after Ramadhan, I now know that I have to be stern with myself. I can't keep blaming my kids or time for not being on my side because Masha'Allah, they have been such a great sport! They not only let us carry on with our Quran reading time but they have also showed the need to grab the Quran for us after every prayers. It's made them understand the importance of the Quran and the value of it, Alhamdulillah!

Yes,great things doesn't come easily! I have had my fair share of struggles as well. My struggles made me realise how much my parents, especially my Mom has struggled for me and the family too. I am truly amazed at how Mom managed to juggle between family and time for Allah. You see, I was breastfed for a good 4-5 years, yes, that long! When Ramadhan came, I had such struggle juggling between Layina and my night prayers. Since Ramadhan came during Summer time, my body clock just went haywire! We started off with Imsak at 3+am and Iftar at 9:40pm. By the time we finished terawikh, it was already 11:45pm since Isya' was close to 11pm. By the time we got to bed it was 12am and I'm not the shut your eyes it's time to sleep kinda person! Haha I let my mind and creativity wander for a bit and by the time I sleep, it's late as I will be awake by 2am for Layina's night feed!! I could "easily" wake up and prayed my night prayers but believe you me, it was tiring and draining!

My parents however, were always awake by 2am and continued their prayers, zikr etc till the morning.  Sometimes they don't even go back to sleep until after terawikh!!! Subhan'Allah such determination. I salute them because I am not able to do it just yet.You might argue that Mom don't need to get up for breastfeeding anymore, haha but still, she was the one who cooked and tidied after us during their whole duration with us! I didn't lift a finger because i was so tired and I'm so thankful for such understanding parents. Alhamdulillah.

As Ramadhan went on and time were rather making sense to me, I braved myself and got up for tahajud, hajat etc. I noticed what made me feel so drained about having to wake up for night prayers was because of the amount of prayers I have set myself to do. Like I said, I was going all out. The reason I found it so draining was because I have never done it before and suddenly I am putting my body in such an awkward position. I should have 'trained' myself before Ramadhan but I'm still thankful I managed to know and train myself for after Ramadhan routine. As I was struggling and battling myself with Worshipping Allah, I came across a Hadith which states "the best of deeds are those carried out regularly even if they are little deeds". This Hadith was a wake up call for me to not set my goal at a ridiculous pace but to start somewhere and eventually strive to do better. It's amazing how Allah taala would not want us to struggle doing deeds by even accepting the little ones! Masha'Allah!

So, with this last few days left, it is not too late to do some good deeds. If you're a breastfeeding Mommy like me, take blessing from having to wake up at night to feed your kids. If you can, go the extra feet to get up and just pray tahajud since you're already up. But if you can't,  don't beat yourself over it because to sacrifice your sleep just to fulfill your kids' need is a deed on its own. Whenever you are awaken from sleep because your baby needs to be tendered to, just put in your mind that this is an Amanah and a blessing from Allah taala for you to care for this little cute baby! That in itself is a reward beyond our imagination! Every drop of milk being fed to a hungry baby would expel our sins Masha'Allah. Do it for the sake of Allah and Insha'Allah you will understand the reward given to you.

Last but not least, do make du'a for my family and I. May Allah reward all of you in this life and the hereeafter and may He accept all your deeds during this Ramadhan and so forth. Amin yaRabbal alamin!!

Wassalam.