Thursday, March 18, 2010

A wife..... in Islam

I find it funny how people perceives a 'perfect' wife as someone who cooks and cleans up after the husband! If you're not one of those people, you're definitely not doing a wifey duty, so they say. Since I don't cook AND clean up after Iskandar, I am perceived as the non wifey material. Heh, very typical! Not that I care much since truthfully, it's how he perceives me as being the PERFECT one :) After all, he chose to marry me even after my Mom told him plenty of time that I don't cook and I definitely don't do housework ;) So, he had a choice and he still chose ME!

Anyway, I am a self-proclaimed Stay At Home Mom but that doesn't mean I am not a wife at the same time. Isn't it obvious that I am also fulfilling my wife 'job'? Iskandar is not complaining for all I care. Iskandar spoils me, like, A LOT!!! Till a point where my parents think I am being lazy! :D When actually, my husband is the one wanting to do these things for me. Iskandar cooks for me because when we went for our 'kursus kahwin' the Ustaz said, "the raw food that you bring home for your wife is not considered as nafkah until it's being cooked. Because she can't eat raw food". So nafkah is fulfilled when the husband cooks the food for the wife and she becomes a happy bunny ;). However, that doesn't mean that it's not fulfilled if the wife's cook for the husband. Of course the wife can help out and cook for the family, of course she can. In my case, my husband loves cooking hence he's always in the kitchen before me. Is that wrong? Definitely NOT! Iskandar also does the house chores because he doesn't want me to do 'heavy' things like vacuuming etc because that's a 'man job', according to him. Although, once in a while, I do vacuum the house but he'll bring the vacuum upstairs and downstairs. Also, whenever he cleans up, he'll get very detail and can spend hours doing it. When he needs help though, he'll shout for me.

When it comes to Khairaldin, it's a full time job for me. From when Khairaldin wakes up until he goes to bed, I deal with him. I feed him, change his diapers and bathe him since the day he was born. Iskandar probably have cleaned and fed Khairaldin a hand full of time. But we are absolutely fine with it. We are fair! He deals with the house chores and I deal with the baby. That's the most fair thing to work with in a relationship. Doesn't mean I stay at home I have to do every single thing. He knows that taking care of a baby is the toughest job anyone could ask for. That's why he tries his very best to decrease my 'work load'. Since I am on the topic, let me quote a hadith Authenticated by Abu Ya'ly and al-Bazzar "Women came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said 'O Messenger of Allah, men have taken away all the bounty of jihad. What work can we do to earn a bounty equal to jihad? He answered 'Running the household of your husbands will bring each one of you equal reward as that of the warriors in the way of Allah'. But they were not satisfied and asked Sallama (the nurse of Prophet's son Ibrahim) to raise the similar issue. Prophet (PBUH) then reassure her that women's work, ESPECIALLY, carrying, breast-feeding and rearing a child has rewards unavailable to men.

Clearly, if people actually 'research' they would know that it's never been mentioned that a wife's job is to cook for the husband but in fact, is to make sure that he he is actually fully satisfied with the relationship. So yeah, what happens behind closed should remain behind closed doors. Even though Iskandar spoils me, I am sure he's never come to a point of being a 'dayus' husband. Alhamdulillah. We try our very best to lead an Islamic lifestyle. He constantly remind me that in Islam, "The wife's duties do not require her to clean nor cook. It is the husband's duty to provide food for the wife, older children, and servants (if possible) to clean and cook. However, if the wife does those things out of mercy and love, it is a gift to the husband."

In the end of the day, if you are both happy with your lifestyle then, be it. It is up to Allah to judge whether one is being a 'worthy' wife or not. Also, I am very proud to announce to the world that my husband cooks and clean for me, because he is capable and he's doing a righteous deed for his family. Alhamdulillah, I am very blessed to have Iskandar in my life and I am very sure he feels the same way regardless of what people say :).

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7 comments:

aimiShazana said...

oh honey, you said it right! thank you!

Raja said...

Well Iva, you've only been married for less than 3 years and your husband has never worked FULL TIME after marrying you. When he does, and comes home tired after spending the whole day at work, come back again and right your blog about a wife...in Islam.

I just don't think you both have experienced working and married life just yet to be saying that everything is just "perfect"...MARK MY WORDS...just an advice from an elder sister...

Alanna's mommy =) said...

iva..
i m agree with u.. my hubby is also a very helpful husband.. he does d cleaning.. but not cooking n ironing clothes coz he said he's not good in it!and that's true.. even when i was lying on bed 4 3 days after giving birth (C-sect), hubby did everything, until my abah said that my hubby spoiled me 2 much!

anyway, you know, people always said that it is weird when your husband is not a kind of a "goyang kaki" one.. well, guess like we are lucky wives, rite?

rajaiva said...

Aimi: That's what happens when we marry at a young age. People see us as immature. Gah! Glad I took the words out of your mouth. hehe ;)

Kak Mriah: Thanks for the comment! Personally, I think years of marriage doesn't apply to know whether the person is perfect for you or not. A person could feel that someone is 'perfect' maybe straight after their Akad. And of course the person we marry is perfect as Allah has destined us together. So in the eyes of the partners, their partner is always 'perfect'. I also think that if after say, 10 years of marriage only then I see Iskandar as the perfect Husband I think that is a tad too late. People would think, why did you marry him if he's not perfect in the first place?! haha

Oh yeah, doesn't mean he doesn't have a full time job he's not tired from Uni. I think studying is so much (or if not, the same) tiring than doing a full time job. After all, not every human being has a full time job and yet they can still be 'perfect'. We pray that our relationship will only get stronger when he starts a full time job. Insha'Allah. Amin! So, I hope I do not have to write another a wife in Islam blog as I pray that it will stay the same regardless of having a full time job or not. AMINN!

Elina: Yes, Alhamdulillah we are lucky to have someone who wantes to care for us. I mean if they don't, who else will, right?? So, a BIG Alhamdulillah for the great husbands we have! :)

Raja said...

You have a son, right? How would you like it if your daughter-in-law treats him the way you are treating Shazwan right now? Do you think mummy would like it if Kak Anees or Sara treats her sons the way you treat Shazwan? I don't think so...Ask mummy...

And by the way, working full time is more tiring than studying because you have a boss to answer to...try working full time and you'll know...I've done both, I can talk...

rajaiva said...

Like I said, it's in the hadith. So, if that's how my son wants to do it. ALHAMDULILLAH!!! :) He's only following the Sunnah, Insha'Allah.

Btw, I've worked full time whilst carrying Khairaldin. And I find it tiring when I was in Uni doing my degree. But yeah, everyone has their own likings.

it's ME.. said...

asalamualaikum ! i was searching for a husbnd and wife pic, and ur weedng pic was sooooo cute~ =D and i try google-ing ur website. hehe so, here i am. hee slm ramadhan btw.