Thursday, August 16, 2012

Ramadhan reflection! SubhaAllah Alhamdulillah!

Masha'Allah! It's the 28th of Ramadhan today. It's true when they say time will passby so quickly when you're enjoying yourself. Ramadhan has always been the 'hi and bye' month for me. We plan to do so much and the next thing we know it's already leaving us behind. O Allah, I really miss the month of Ramadhan, I pray that I will see many more Ramadhan so that I can continue to better myself. I can't deny that I need Ramadhan to help me better myself. Alhamdulillah shukur I have seen a few changes in my everyday life. I'm so thankful that Allah taala is listening to my prayers, just what I desperately need.

Yesterday, on the 27th night of Ramadhan whilst I was performing my night prayers, I felt really down. I didn't want the time to tick any longer. I just wanted to be in the prostration position to 'talk' to my creator. Someone who would continuously listen to me even though I have wronged Him one too many times. I felt at that time He was listening to my every need, SubhanAllah! Then again in the end of the day, I have to accept that this day will come to an end, this month will not wait for me even though I'm not ready to leave! At that point I had to comfort myself by reminding me that it is not my Lord that is leaving me! It is ME who would selfishly and conveniently *forget* about him after Ramadhan. It's embarrassing how I would go all out during Ramadhan and when it's not here anymore, I long for another one so that I could do the same.

This Ramadhan has really taught me a lot. From being a servant to Allah, wife, mother, daughter and sister. It has taught me the balance in life. It has reminded me that I can achieve what I want if I put my heart and soul into it. For instance, hubby and I managed to finish the Quran on the day of Nuzul Quran. We were well ahead in our Quranic reading. This only prove that kids aren't barriers to my Worshipping time. If i really wanted to read the Quran before/after Ramadhan, I now know that I have to be stern with myself. I can't keep blaming my kids or time for not being on my side because Masha'Allah, they have been such a great sport! They not only let us carry on with our Quran reading time but they have also showed the need to grab the Quran for us after every prayers. It's made them understand the importance of the Quran and the value of it, Alhamdulillah!

Yes,great things doesn't come easily! I have had my fair share of struggles as well. My struggles made me realise how much my parents, especially my Mom has struggled for me and the family too. I am truly amazed at how Mom managed to juggle between family and time for Allah. You see, I was breastfed for a good 4-5 years, yes, that long! When Ramadhan came, I had such struggle juggling between Layina and my night prayers. Since Ramadhan came during Summer time, my body clock just went haywire! We started off with Imsak at 3+am and Iftar at 9:40pm. By the time we finished terawikh, it was already 11:45pm since Isya' was close to 11pm. By the time we got to bed it was 12am and I'm not the shut your eyes it's time to sleep kinda person! Haha I let my mind and creativity wander for a bit and by the time I sleep, it's late as I will be awake by 2am for Layina's night feed!! I could "easily" wake up and prayed my night prayers but believe you me, it was tiring and draining!

My parents however, were always awake by 2am and continued their prayers, zikr etc till the morning.  Sometimes they don't even go back to sleep until after terawikh!!! Subhan'Allah such determination. I salute them because I am not able to do it just yet.You might argue that Mom don't need to get up for breastfeeding anymore, haha but still, she was the one who cooked and tidied after us during their whole duration with us! I didn't lift a finger because i was so tired and I'm so thankful for such understanding parents. Alhamdulillah.

As Ramadhan went on and time were rather making sense to me, I braved myself and got up for tahajud, hajat etc. I noticed what made me feel so drained about having to wake up for night prayers was because of the amount of prayers I have set myself to do. Like I said, I was going all out. The reason I found it so draining was because I have never done it before and suddenly I am putting my body in such an awkward position. I should have 'trained' myself before Ramadhan but I'm still thankful I managed to know and train myself for after Ramadhan routine. As I was struggling and battling myself with Worshipping Allah, I came across a Hadith which states "the best of deeds are those carried out regularly even if they are little deeds". This Hadith was a wake up call for me to not set my goal at a ridiculous pace but to start somewhere and eventually strive to do better. It's amazing how Allah taala would not want us to struggle doing deeds by even accepting the little ones! Masha'Allah!

So, with this last few days left, it is not too late to do some good deeds. If you're a breastfeeding Mommy like me, take blessing from having to wake up at night to feed your kids. If you can, go the extra feet to get up and just pray tahajud since you're already up. But if you can't,  don't beat yourself over it because to sacrifice your sleep just to fulfill your kids' need is a deed on its own. Whenever you are awaken from sleep because your baby needs to be tendered to, just put in your mind that this is an Amanah and a blessing from Allah taala for you to care for this little cute baby! That in itself is a reward beyond our imagination! Every drop of milk being fed to a hungry baby would expel our sins Masha'Allah. Do it for the sake of Allah and Insha'Allah you will understand the reward given to you.

Last but not least, do make du'a for my family and I. May Allah reward all of you in this life and the hereeafter and may He accept all your deeds during this Ramadhan and so forth. Amin yaRabbal alamin!!


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