Monday, July 12, 2010

Smacking a child for disciplining?

When it comes to 'parenting styles', every Mommies feel as if they know everything about being a parent and that their style is the right style. I am guilty of that too! Even with only one child I feel as if I "know" how to raise all children that comes my way. That's the problem with us, we sometimes forget that every individual is different therefore we get a lot of different parenting styles out there. So really, there is no right or wrong way when bringing up a child. One mother can choose to either let their baby play in the garden without any mat whilst the other is protective and against letting their baby to even touch the grass. Given this situation, both mothers would cringe at one another for doing such a thing. Who's there to tell them that they are doing it wrong? Noone. Bringing up a child should be something both mother and father are comfortable with. One cannot force the other to follow suit just because she's doing it that way.

Disciplining your child is your responsibility, parents. Both parents have a say on how to raise their child. Mothers have an exceptionally more 'power' to say or do what's best for their child because they are built to be physically and emotionally understanding towards their child's wants and needs. For example, when a baby is just born, they are very dependant on their mother. When the baby cries, the mother would instantly carry them and either feed, change diaper or even just cuddle the baby. Mothers spend more time with the child to know the needs of their child.

So, when it comes to disciplining the child it is obvious that mothers have more influence in moulding them into a good ummah. Being a mother holds a lot of responsibility. Mothers would normally have to neglect themselves first in order to make sure the child is in good mood.... for the whole day! It is not an easy job. In my case, more often than not, I will be awaken by the smell of Khairaldin's poop every morning. Going to the toilet to wash him up first before myself, is a normal daily routine for me. Of course since he's poop-ed he would then need to be filled up. Getting the chance to brush my teeth first thing in the morning is highly impossible nowadays. When mothers have to neglect so many things in their life, it is normal to sometimes feel frustrated and just snap at the silliest things. Even though I make it sound as if Mothers are of a different species with super powers, we really are still normal human beings. So we might react to certain things before thinking twice. For instance, we might get fed up of telling a child for the third time to stop doing the same mistakes and might just resort to 'beating/smacking' the child whilst at the same time repeating ourselves for the fourth time! It's just a spontaneous reaction on us human being. We think we are so perfect that everything has to fall into place there and then. But that's wrong.

Beating or smackinga child to discipline them is definitely out of the contacts of disciplining. That would be one 'style' that I would not recommend parents to do if I ever come across parents who does it. I am not talking about a smack in the hand. This is more of a full swing or even a slap. How would a child understand that being smacked means they have to behave? The child for one is hurting and would definitely not listen anymore after being hit. They would be too focused on the pain to actually listen any further. So, if you feel the need to hit the child for the same mistake, stop and think again! The first hit they supposedly deserved didn't make an impact, so why go for another next time? The best way is to reason out with the child why they should not be doing such a thing, it is also better if we could start from young to include any Islamic values into it. For example, if the child does not tidy up after playing, explain to them that Allah loves Muslim to be a clean and tidy person. Teaching and constantly reminding them about Allah will make them grow up loving the religion even more and also into a successful being, Insha'Allah. No doubt some children can comprehend straight away but some are just there to test our patience. There's a reason why Allah said that "patience is half of Imaan" and of course the other half is gratitude when things do fall into place. So, good things really do come to those who wait. Keep trying to reason out with children even before trying to lift your hand to smack them. Insha'Allah this will only make them a good person.

To be continued......... Insha'Allah.

Pictures courtesy of google.


Anonymous said...

blog walking and found urs. a good writing :)
i'll visit again iallah.

-which shines-

Grandma Jeddah said...

Assalamu Alaikum Sister Raja,

This is a much needed and most valuable article. It is truly important that parents be reminded about being patient and avoiding hitting when angry.

You are more than welcome to use articles on disciplining Muslim children from my website and blog to share with your guests.

Your Sister in Islam,
Grandma Jeddah