Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Post-natal depression AND terrible two???!

Alhamdulillah it wasn't me who suffered from postnatal depression! Before I gave birth to Layina, I have read a lot about people whom suffered from postnatal depression. According to a few sources, postnatal depression "target" people with second baby, so they say. I was scared that it could happen to me. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to cope with post natal depression and this so called "terrible two" son??

In case you didn't know, I have a Degree in Psychology. After my second year of studying Psychology, I feel that most (not all but most!) of the things taught were a whole load of crap. Don't get me wrong, I love Psychology!! I believed most of the things being taught but I truly hate it when they teach us things that doesn't make any sense. For instance, Freudian's theory was being taught at A-Levels up to second year degree. Who doesn't know his theory, I am sure you've somewhat heard of his psychosexual theory, yes? You can read about his theory here if you are interested. There are also other modules that gives me the icks when I learn them. I find it rather pathetic that they're teaching us these theories when they know that it doesn't make any sense or even that it is very controversial. To me, it was like they were trying to brainwash us into thinking in those terms. Anyway, enough about that.

Like I said, there are some parts of Psychology that I could agree on. Basically, I 110% agree that the brain controls each and every part of our body. Our brain is the most important organ in our body. So when I was scared about the postnatal depression cases, it got me 'ready' for it. What did I do? Well, I convinced myself that I can definitely handle my 2 kids with Allah's will. Would Allah have given me another child if he didn't believe in me? I'm sure I've done something right for him to shower me with another child right? Of course I wasn't boastful. I couldn't have done it without Allah's help.

Depression and stress happens because we over think things. Say for instance if a person lose a job which I'm sure this is one of the many reasons people become depressed nowadays looking at the state of our economy. People without beliefs will feel that this is all their fault, as if they have failed in life! When really in Islam we are taught that Allah is the one that has control of every single thing in our life. Yes you can be sad, not a problem. But get over it quickly. Don't moan and groan over it too much. Get back on your feet and think of your next step. First and foremost though, thank Allah for everything that's happened to you. There's always a blessing behind every thing that He gives or takes. Like this ayat suggest; "....... it may well be that you dislike a thing even though it is good for you, and it may well be that you like a thing even though it is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know." (Surah Al-Baqarah:216)

I believe that everything we say or think is du'a (supplication) to Allah swt. So if a person thinks of negative things, they are clearly channelling their feeling towards that particular situation. Like post natal depression, if you think too much about how tiring it is to take care of a child, you will definitely not have the time to enjoy the child that you've just given birth to. No doubt being a Mother is tiring (not much for fathers though)! Having to wake up every now and then for feeds, diaper change or even just checking that baby is sleeping soundly is REALLY tiring! So why think about it and tire your brain even more when you know it's tiring? Instead try and think about the joyful things you can do with your baby when he/she is awake. Think about how lucky you are that the baby wakes up to feed/diaper change etc. I'm sure you know that being a Mother/Father consists of being there for your child almost 24-7, right? Since you have asked Allah for this child of yours then enjoy bringing them up with lots of love, hugs, kisses and positivity!

Although, these aren't the only things that we should bring our child up with. Of course there's Syaitan to mess about with our mind. That is why whatever we do we should think of Allah first. After giving birth we are more likely to feel depressed because we are in a 'dirty' condition. The post partum blood is dirty and so we are not allowed to pray. Nonetheless, our Worship towards him does not stop there. We should continue our 'zikir'. Glorify him so that the Syaitan will be scared of us and will not dare to come near us. Insha'Allah with Allah's protection we will be safe from the Syaitan! After all, in Surah Fatihah we mention that only in HIM do we seek for help and therefore we should always seek HIM in whatever sad or happy situation we are in.

On a slightly different topic, I did say 'terrible two' son didn't I? Well, to be honest, I feel that this word is being used to make us feel that they are terrible. How is it that they've been our 'bundle of joy' for 1 year and suddenly when they reach 2 they are terrible? This term is negative and we should really change it to a more positive term like "terrific two". Well, just because they cry more and are a little bit clingy doesn't mean they are terrible! To be honest, I was also conned into the "terrible two" term. Whenever Khairaldin cried, I almost gave up and just said "Oh well, it's just a phase. He'll get over it." When really I think all he wanted was someone to listen to him and just give him cuddles! Since we don't carry him that much, he then throw tantrums to get attention. He wants to still feel that he's being loved. We can't just take it for granted that "he'll get over it." HE WON'T . Give the attention that they need. Children don't cry for no reason.  

It's a terrific two because they are clever to know how to get our attention yet we are so silly not to give them the attention they need!

So parents, don't be caught up with all these terms or label that has been put out to us out there. We should really think positively and not let anyone label us. After all this "terrible two" and all other stress, what next? Mid life crisis? Are we just gonna live our life by letting people bring us down all the time? So get up! Live your life to the fullest. Positivity is the way to go! There's nothing wrong with having a positive mindset. Doesn't mean you're positive you don't feel sad. You still do and it's ok to feel that way as it's a test from Allah swt to appreciate HIM even more. If you're too happy, you might forget HIS existance. So, he has to bring you down and test you every now and then. It is how you get back up and continue worshipping him that matters! Insha'Allah.

My du'a is for all of my readers to be more positive in life and to not let anyone label and judge us except for the Allah swt. Insha'Allah. Amin!


Anonymous said...


Umm Sara said...

Mashallah sis, I love your positivity and energy. May Allah swt reward you, amin. I agree that labels don't always help. We should do lots of zikr. Allah swt tells us in the Quran that it is the greatest thing. I think if a problem gets too big in our heads we are overthinking it as you said.

Umm Sara said...

Mashallah sis, you're positivity is very nice alhamdulilah. May Allah swt reward you. I agree that we overthink problems and this doesn't help. Allah swt tells us in the Quran that zikr is the greatest thing. We should try to increase it.