At times, I do feel as if I'm missing something in this life. Like, something is still incomplete.
Khairaldin has only just turned one a few weeks ago. He's trying new things especially walking/stepping. I know some Mommies who might miss out on their child's development because they have no choice but to work (be it for financial stuff or contracts). To say I don't miss working is definitely not true. I have been working since I was 21 years old. I've met a few people along the way. Yes, I hate waking up in the morning and having to follow schedules that's why I chose to stay home until today. But sometimes, I feel that my mind is under stimulated. I don't have to do that much thinking because what's there to do? Changing diaper and breastfeeding Khairaldin is something I can do with my eyes half open! Literally. LOL! Having a job will make you think on your feet and you have to use up your brain neurons. It's fun, till certain extent!
Just like SAHM, there are certain things that are really interesting. Heck, everytime he's awake, we are always on a lookout. That's very interesting. But when he naps, that's utter boredom. I know he's only 1 and there's more to come. I guess when he is in the phase of wanting to talk, read etc, I'd find being a SAHM even more exciting. Because at that time, they tend to nap less. So more time to spend until it's proper bedtime.
I've decided that I wanna do something different with my life. I don't want a 9-5am job but at the same time I don't want a part-time 'cashier' sorta job that students in Uni would take up for their pocket money. I don't mind being a volunteer as long as I can go out and take a breather. I've always wanted to be in the community more. Like, Islamic parenting community. I know what I want but I make one too many excuses to just not budge!
Khairaldin is really good with routines. He wakes up and go to sleep on schedule. It's when he's in bed that my mind start to wander, what else can I do?
I've listed down things I wanted to do before I conceived Khairaldin but now it's not relevant. I don't have the same passion as I had before. There are new things in his and my life that I want to achieve. I am 25 years old and I think there's so much more to life than this. I'm not going after big ££££££ here, no. All I want is more knowledge so I can bring him up to be a better person and Ummah.
I am the type that would let my baby free and explore this world on his own but, when it comes to religion, I think that both Iskandar and I have to guide him through. I don't mind if his not an A++++ student as long as he enjoys this life his living. But fun stuff could lead to sin and that's why I want to teach him more about religion than actually teaching him 1+1=2. To be honest, my knowledge about Islam is so limited that I am not sure how to answer if he comes to me and ask questions. My Mom is the best when reasoning things out within Islamic laws, but who knows how long she'll be around to help me with educating my child? It's time for me to step up and out to gain more knowledge about Islam! I don't need expensive stuff to get through this life, all I need is to know that I'll be leaving behind an alim child(ren). Insha'Allah.
Suffice to say, I still wanna be a SAHM because I want to teach my child(ren) how perfect this religion actually is. And I know, before trying to teach, I myself have to know the beauty of this religion. Insha'Allah. I pray that Allah will give me the chance to learn and teach even if it's only to my child(ren). Ameen!!!
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